SRS why am i such a bitch when it comes to girls?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by IAmAPaperTiger, Jan 2, 2007.

  1. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    :mamoru:

    every time i meet a new girl i like, i just cling to them. i get plenty of attention from other girls but if i like someone, no one else seems to matter. im in a situation right now where i like this girl and she likes me, but she recently got out of a bad relationship and isnt ready for anything yet. i dont know if its because im impatient or what, but the fact that we arent on the same page (me wanting a relationship and her not being ready) is driving me crazy. i feel like i see everything in black and white. like if shes not ready NOW, i feel like its just never going to happen or something. i also tend to overanalyze everything which drives me crazy which in turn changes my attitude and the way i act around her and kind of pushes her away sometimes. sometimes i dont know how to act around her and im not myself at all. i feel like i need instant gratification or something and i hate not knowing whats gonna happen in the future such as her just meeting someone else out of the blue or whatever. what the f*ck should i do? sometimes i wonder if i could see other people and just wait for her to be ready, but like i said when i like someone, no one else matters. i know i fall too hard too fast and im impatient and thats not a good combo. the only thing that helps me is when i think about the girl i liked before and how i felt this same way about her, but now they arent nearly as important to me as they were so i figure this one will end up the same. but i dont want to keep going through this stupid pattern over and over. i need to change SOMETHING. so i dunno, i cant figure out how to fix this and im just wondering if anyone can help. :x:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    In to let you know you're not the only one like that.
     
  3. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    ths shit eats me alive it seems like. it consumes me. i sit in class or at work and i cant get my mind off of it. ive been put on anti depressants for this because it just kills my ambition for anything else. i feel worthless. my self esteem and self confidence are very low. i feel like the only thing that fucks these relationships up is the way i think which in turn dictates the way i act. i just dont know how to change it. am i even supposed to change it? should i just accept it as the way i am? fuck i am so lost :wtc:
     
  4. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    one of my major problems is my inability to speak up. i think about stuff throughout the day and it brings up so many questions in my head - everything from emotional stuff like how she feels to physical stuff like sex. i dont know why but its so hard for me to bring things like that up. i guess i feel like im being annoying/nagging/intruding when i ask about stuff like that. maybe i should just try being blunt and asking questions when i have them? no one seems to like answering in here so this is just me thinking i guess :mamoru:
     
  5. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

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    another excuse
    I've thought about that part you mentioned where you feel like the failure of getting a relationship goin is because of the way you think about it, the girl, or yourself.. You've gotta get to a point where you realize that YOU are a GREAT CATCH and if it screws up, it screws up. Sure maybe you may have said the wrong thing once, but if the girl is what you're looking for then that shouldn't matter now should it?

    I'm still working on ways to get around the train of thought but what has helped me is knowing that there ARE PLENTY of GIRLS that like YOU just the WAY YOU ARE.
     
  6. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    :hug: thanks.
     
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I don't think it will ever go away. On average, I hang out with girls 4 or 5 nights a week, meeting all kinds of girls. Whenever I find one I like, my inner wuss starts to come back and I want to blow off every other girl and just hang out with the one all the time.

    But I don't....

    I force myself to keep going out and hanging out with other girls. I keep dating, keep having sex, and keep meeting new people, all the way up until me and the girl make the agreement that we are together.

    Trust me, that is about the only way to actually GET the girl you want. To make sure she knows that she isn't the only option you have.

    It sucks. You may feel like a player or feel like shit when you're messing around with other girls....and you'll really feel like shit when girls confess how much they like you, but you don't feel the same way.

    Just don't talk to this girl about how much you like her, and keep dating other women.
     
  8. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    yeah i guess im gonna have to give that a try. i think it might be too late for this one though :hs: maybe i can turn things around. fuck i hate this.
     
  9. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Been there, done that. Every time, the magic thing that's fixed the obsession is being told by the girl that she's likes me enough to stay around and not dump my punk ass.

    Tell her (if there is a her right now, I didn't read very carefully) that you need to know whether she's interested in more than a fling, assuming things work out well. Just a simple yes or no will suffice.
     
  10. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    Communication is a very good start. Just man up and ask her if she wants to date.
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I see your :mamoru: and raise you a :mamoru2:

    Okay, seriously now.

    Why? Ever think about this? It's probably because you don't know any other way to make them attracted to you. It's a bad move, by the way. Women do not want a clingy person (it's like a child) but an independent leader (it's like a adult.) Clingy = death.

    That is "one-itis." Go Google that.

    Bullshit. She is giving you excuses. If she thought you were Mr. Wonderful she'd be fucking you right now. She is telling you "You're not my type." Now, notice, she is NOT being clingy and how attracted you are to her? That is what YOU need to do to HER. Notice how it makes you insanely attracted to her? You want what you cannot have. Turn that around and become the man she cannot have. Stop calling her, stop kissing her ass, stop doing anything and everything she wants. Instead, "invite her along" in your life. Example:

    You: "Kathy, I'm going to get some jeans, want to come along?"
    Her: "No, I'm (excuse) today."
    You: "Okay, well, see you later."

    It is because you have not learned how to make her attracted to you. That's the problem. Your body is saying "We need to learn how to make this work! What's wrong?! Make a move! Do something!"

    Nah, you're just shooting yourself in the foot since you innately know you can't get her to be attracted to you. It's a self-preservation technique.

    :slap: So how about go analyze some dating advice books, web sites, and people who are GOOD with picking up women? Use that curiosity to LEARN what you are doing wrong.

    Learning how to be good with women is like learning to ride a motorcycle. You first have to learn how to ride a bike, fall down a lot, get back up, learn what you did wrong, and repeat.

    How many women have you actually asked out, failed, then learned what you did wrong? Whatever the number, it's not enough! :mamoru: Seriously, you can ALWAYS learn.

    Well, there's a problem. You are lying to her, basically. That's bad. BE YOURSELF!

    Ask her on a date. If she accepts the date, time, and place you suggest (yes, you MUST have a plan!) then you are in. If she gives you any excuse then you know she does not like you. Simple. Of course, flirt and joke with her first to get to know her a little!

    One-Itis. You have a big problem with that. Google that and learn. :x:
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Man I don't have any answers for ya because I do the same thing. Although I'm much better than I used to be....part of which is just growing up.

    When I'm out with women that are attractive but not super hot, I'm fine and can be myself around them. HOwever, when I'm really attracted to a woman, I find it very difficult to act the same way. I dunno why but I think it has something to do with the thought - if they "really" knew me, they wouldn't like me.

    Also, I can sit here all day and talk about the psychology of this stuff and can even come up with some good suggestions....at least they sound good to me. HOwever, get me in the heat of the moment and I'm right back to where I was.

    I've noticed that as I've aged, this problem has gotten better. Not sure if it's beacuse I'm more accepting of people and their flaws or because I'm more accepting of myself or what....I just know it has gotten better over the years.
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    When a guy likes a girl, he thinks "wow, I like this girl. I need to show her how much I like her by always being with her, doing stuff for her, and treating her like a queen. Then she will see how much I like and respect her."

    It totally doesn't work that way, tho. That stuff drives chicks away.

    It's very counter-intuitive, and it sucks.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It's because it's important to you. This same phenomenon occurs all the time. Check it out:

    You can talk to your parents casually and confidently about almost anything, but when you go in for a job interview you can get nervous and can't even formulate simple sentences. Why? Because the outcome is important to you ("I really need to get this job").

    You can paper trade stocks successfully because it's not real money, but when you go to place real trades with real money, you mess up and lose money. Why? Because the outcome is important to you ("I really need to do this correctly so I can make money").

    You can talk to regular girls or female friends just fine, but when you talk to a hot chick, you get all nervous and stupid. Why? Because the outcome is important to you. ("I'm afraid to mess up or this hot chick will think I'm stupid").

    So what's the solution? Don't care about anything and you'll always be casual, relaxed, and confident. Ok, I'm half kidding...

    But think if you were going in for a job interview that you didn't need... say you already had a better paying job and you were just doing this interview for practice. You'd probably ace it. Same concept.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I also wanted to add that the "if she makes an excuse she's not interested" thing applies later on in a relationship when it's getting stale, as well.

    If your gf starts making stupid excuses for not doing things it's likely she's losing interest. But you have to use discretion. If you're like "hey, me and my guy friends are gonna go to a Cannibal Corpse concert, do you wanna come with?" and she's like "no, I have to uh, wash my hair," that's probably fine. If you're like "hey, let's have dinner and watch a movie tonight" and she's like "uh, no, I have to... wash my hair" that's probably BS.

    Of course, this makes an interested guy try harder, which further pushes the girl away, and it's downward spiral from there.
     
  16. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    yeah i see all your points but i think my post came off wrong. its not like i got shot down by this chick. when we 1st started hanging out more the attraction was mutual and it progressed to where we were having sex and things like that. i think the problem was that we didnt talk about it enough and my feelings kinda just kept progressing in my head to the point where i was ready for a relationship but she still just wanted something like "dating"...not that serious. in the past few days we talked about it a lot since i decided to stop being a fucking idiot and speak up and things have been better. we pretty much agreed to just date for now so i think i can live with that. the only thing that bugs me now is that she is still able to talk to other guys and even date them or whatever and i cant really say nothin about it :hs: and again that brings me back to when i said ive tried doing this myself but theres just no interest. so i dunno...i guess i just gotta suck it up and if she sees other guys i just gotta make sure i stay ahead of anyone else she sees.
     

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