SRS Why Am I So UGLY?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LiQuiD_FuSioN, Jul 4, 2006.

  1. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

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    I've often thought very highly of myself.. but then I took a closer look. I'm not good looking at all.. to my shock or surprise, I wasn't the handsome guy I once thought I was. But in reality, I was the very kind of person I thought to be ugly and afraid of becoming.

    The way I look.. is either average or pretty weird. I thought I had boyish looks, but now I look older almost like a serial killer. No wonder people don't talk to me anymore! Anyway, I don't look like most people at all though I wish I did. I tried getting a haircut, smiling more, but I still look like the same uglyface in the mirror.

    So, does anyone else have the same problem? I thought I'd get past these childish thoughts after passing 19, but I guess not! I don't see a whole lot of "I'm ugly" threads, so I thought I'd make another one too. I guess everyone in this day and age is good looking.. what happened to the ugly people?!
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You have body image problems, not body problems. I don't care if most people do assign you a <5 physical attractiveness on the point scale when they see you (and they probably DON'T), if you FEEL attractive, then you BECOME attractive. People treat you how you feel, if there is kindness in your heart.

    Body image problems are not unusual for a boy of 19. But... they can persist, and really affect you for the rest of your life. You need to get over them.

    How? With the help of a psychologist. You need to talk to mom and pop if need be, about getting in to see a therapist/psychologist. You can beat this, and feel comfortable and happy walking around in a crowd of people, meeting new people, etc. Do you need help finding one in your area?
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    There was this beautifull woman who thought she was indefinitly ugly, she spend hours and hours gazing over the mirror , when guys whistled to her saying how pretty she was, she thought they where joking around. She was absolutely dead unhappy with herself despite of her beauty.

    Or in other words, if you love,support, and believe in yourself then you don't have to care what others think of you, you can be your own judge jury and executor however, you have to ask yourself the beautifull question. What is of more beauty , the most beautifull person in the world? , or giving a starving person something to eat. In terms of beauty the last act is of infinite more beauty then the first, so if you are like that you will have this beauty in yourself.

    You know a lot of people are pretending to be who they are not, i hope your not fooled by the masks most people are wearing. You'd be suprised how many people put up a stage act. So in any case remember this.

    Its nice to be beautifull, but its more beautifull to be nice.
     
  4. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Yes, I totally have the same problem. I never had a good self image...in fact there are times where I know I am downright ugly. It was not until very recently in my life where I discovered comfort in that.

    Work on the things you CAN work on. Work on being intelligent. Work on being successful. Work on being charming. Work on things that make you interesting and different.

    On the physical side, be active....stay in shape. Get good clothes and learn how to be well groomed. Pick up activities that make you interesting.

    Even the ugliest people in the world are attractive to other people when the right combination of things are put together. There is much more to attraction then just your physical looks.
     
  5. Jinsoba

    Jinsoba Left nut crew, holla.

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    I've felt it before. When I first started college, everytime I was introduced to people, they thought I was a graduate student, and I began to think about how old I looked for my age. It really brought me down, and I was feeling less confident about my looks. Then it began to weigh down more and more. I felt that my body went from slightly out of shape to severly bent out of shape; I thought my nose is ugly; my hair style doesn't really match my face; etc.

    One day, while in class, a close friend of mine who was sitting next to me seemed very bored, and all of a sudden she started doodling around on her notebook. I didn't pay attention but then she said "Hmmmm. There really is something special and charismatic look about you." I looked over at her drawing, and to my surprise, it was me. But she didn't detail out my razor bump ridden face; she didn't detail out my sleepy-eye look I had during class; she didn't detail out my hair, which gel was undone by that time of the day and looked dissheveled if anything. I really liked that drawing of me.

    That's when I realized I was just overthinking about my looks. Of course, I still wanted to groom myself better, but I wasn't worried about my looks as much. I figured my personality alone can bring out the best in me, and maybe others will realize it before I ever could.
     
  6. UFO

    UFO Evolved

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    Ugly crew signing in ;). I haven't always been this ugly; rugby and Muay Thai helped me along the way. I also have huge ears and am overweight. It used to bother me but I just don't give a shit now. I've also had the pleasure of dating some very attractive women so looks definitely don't count for everything. I do have confidence even though I'm unattractive and I have the belief that anyone who takes me at face value (no pun intended) isn't worth my time. It's all to do with making the best of the hand you're dealt and accepting who you are. I can look in the mirror and see an ugly face staring back at me but I'm not ashamed and am proud of who I am.
     
  7. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    looks arent everything. surprisingly i have found women tend to fall into serious relationships with guys who treat them well over look good and treat them like shit.
     
  8. REEPER

    REEPER New Member

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    Yeah looks are a factor but the primary thing is personality. However, if you are both unattractive and have the emotional range of a robot, then you're pretty much screwed much like myself. I doubt that's the case for you as most people have their own sets of desires, likes and dislikes, that define them through their actions giving birth to their personality. All personalities have others that compliment them so if its a potential mate you're worried about, chances are you'll eventually find one.
     
  9. RandomDead

    RandomDead Have your pets spayed or neutered

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    yeah but getting those women to pay any attention to you at all is impossible.

    Those women don't hang out at bars.

    Those women will not strike up a conversation with you on the fly.

    Those women would rather give the time of day to Mr. Broly than average ugly old you.
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You couldn't be more wrong:

    Everyone goes to bars.

    Anyone worth talking to will have a conversation with you, if you're nice and are geniunely interested in others.

    Women don't care what you look like, if you make them feel good.
     
  11. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    i wasnt really that interested in girls at bars and long term relationships anyways. i met my girl at a party while i was trashed and wearing a crappy t-shirt and shorts with a hat. i wasnt looking studley or anything and she was all dressed up (she models) so the only way i even thought about talking to her was because i was probably three times over the legal limit. anyways, we got to talking and i had her laughing and all the good stuff and she gave me her number and now we are getting married in september. im not the best looking guy, most people dont know how i got her but people who know me know how it can happen (confidence and personnality do matter).

    anyways, my point is, i got this girl who people literally come up to and are like "your so beautiful" and im standing there with my hand down my pants scratching something in my 5 year old favorite shirt and jeans
     
  12. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    Looks are all about inital attraction. What comes after is different. Talk to people not to try to get their attention, but to get to know them, then they'll begin to appreciate you not because they had their sights on you, but because you're not trying to prove anything.
     
  13. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I know how you feel

    growing up I always felt like the ugly duckling

    I think I've gotten better at dealing with my looks. There was one point in time I truly didn't care what I looked like, I would wear sweatpants and t-shirts all day everyday :hs:

    but then I started to realize that I wasn't approachable. So I started to dress better and take on a different image; and the good things came along with it..but then again, that sucked because I knew people were only talking to me b/c of the way I dressed

    all in all, it's a no win situation :dunno: (in my opinion)

    but I still think I'm unattractive and I know this stems from me being made fun of by my family members

    When I receive a compliment, I don't think much of it because I tend to think that people are just trying to be nice and that they're lying :hs:
    but I'm working on that problem now.

    I'd say just surround yourself with people that care about you and like you for who you are and not what you look like.

    but yeah, you have a bodyimage problem and I think everyone goes through that stage, hopefully everyone grows out of it ;)
     
  14. RandomDead

    RandomDead Have your pets spayed or neutered

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    I hope I grow up to be just like you one day :rofl:



    Seriously though, I don't have a problem with the way I look. I think I look better than average. I know how to dress up and look good when need be I suppose, but there's something I'm doing that isn't conscious that just makes me feel like an outcast, and appear that way to others.
     
  15. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    This might be off topic a little bit. But I believe it's your lack of self-confidence that makes you ugly. I used to feel the same way, but buddy to be honest. As long as you pretend you know what your doing women will follow you. Women are so confused and scared of life and the world that anyone who can pretend and maybe show them they are in command and can control this world will make them interested. It might also help your personal self-esteem or run or lift during the week. It's not bad for your future life-span and health either.
     
  16. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Beauty comes from within. If you have ugly thoughts, you will portray an ugly spirit which can play out in the way you act, which then detracts from any physical beauty.
     
  17. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Maybe you are a bit dismorphic in your thoughts. I have had that problem on many occassions. For example, I will look at a picture of myself and initially think it's pretty nice, but if I look at it in a more concentrated manner, it just turns beastly looking, and I start to wonder how I could have ever thought it was a good picture. I STILL struggle with this, and I still have to put a conscious effort into preventing it. (Which, I confess, is part of the reason why I have my own pic in my AV, to remind myself that I am not perfect, but not all that bad either, and that the exterior of a person reflects only a small percentage of a person's overall beauty.) I know I am a "Rhoda" so I make an effort to do the best I can with that.

    I would definitely look into SOME form of therapy to help you in improving your self image. You got lots of good advice already.

    I also sensed a little touch of humor in your post, which, BTW many women consider an attractive attribute. My hubby is most gorgeous when he's making me laugh, or when he's being lovey and nurturing to our daughters. His attractiveness quotient positively SOARS in those moments. So, that supports the idea that attractiveness has A LOT to do with how you make other people feel.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2006
  18. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Very true words.

    Sort of like what ebbnflo was saying- the more you see something that might have been visually appealing at first, eventually it begins to get bland and plain. I realized that one day when I was beginning to get insecure about my looks that it was just because I saw myself everyday, so eventually I just couldn't appreciate how I looked anymore. After that realiziation I became happy with myself, and still am today.

    But honestly the first thing is accept thats how you look, you can't do anything about it. Find the parts you like about yourself, and keep them in mind.
     
  19. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    i think people tend to focus on certain things because they see themselves everyday. some people may think their face is good looking because they find the reasons why they like it everyday, just the same some may find faults in themselves that no one and nothing can change. your self perception is hugely biased by yourself
     
  20. Sotangledup

    Sotangledup Guest

    I think you're pretty :)
    I know that feeling though. Sometimes I feel very funny posting my picture in this forum because so many of the girls are so beautiful & I never felt all that beautiful you know.
     
  21. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Well, thanks.
    I know all my imperfections, so I tend to zero in on them. Then when I start looking at a picture of myself all I can see is every imperfection just magnified all to hell. I mean it actually looks that way to my eyeballs, KWIM?
    Dismorphic. (That's what I was thinking the OP might possibly have going on)
    So keeping those pictures around is sort of my own "self-therapy". Sometimes it works rather well, and other times, it really reeeeeeally doesn't.
     
  22. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You didn't say that you had any type of physical deformity so you probably look pretty normal. I know most of the problem is probably in your head so therapy might be a good idea. But there are plenty of things you can do to make yourself look better too. Go to a hair place and ask them to cut your hair in a way they think would look good, shave or keep your facial hair trimmed, make sure your teeth aren't yellow and that you don't have a unibrow or have a bunch of nose hairs poking out, wear clothes that fit properly and are clean and look nice, if your teeth are bad get them fixed, make sure you keep in shape, etc. Ask others for their honest opinions on how you look and what would make it better. If you do that then you'll look like a regular guy and it should help give you more confidence. Therapy can help you build up your confidence but I think it always helps to do the best you can with your looks too. Looks can be altered fairly easily to help you look your best.
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    What's a "Rhoda"? :confused:

    I do that too with pics of myself but not quite as bad as you describe. I usually find something wrong in most pics that makes me not like them. I see so many thread on OT where people find every single flaw with someone and I think it has made me notice more things when I look at pics.
     
  24. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    I forget that there are people who don't know WTF a Rhoda is.

    So here's yer lesson in Rhodas and Marys that you probably didn't really want to know.:)

    In the 70's, actress Mary Tyler Moore had her own sitcom, in which she was the primary character, and she had a friend named Rhoda, played by an actress named Valerie Harper. Of course people will have varied opinions about this, but, in general. MARY was the prettier, thinner, and generally the more desirable of the 2 characters. Rhoda was a supporting character (Something I'd frequently portrayed when I was acting on stage) and they are, cute, but not as cute as Mary, or as thin as Mary, but had more going for her in her personality. She was funnier, quirkier, with a good heart, and just generally more "colorful" than Mary tended to be.
    So, there are MARYS, the really pretty women who fit in really well with whatever the society feels is attractive in general. They are desired by many, and and placed in the higher pedestals.
    The Rhodas are the ones who may not be as pretty as Marys are, and may not be desired physically by as many people as Marys are, but seem to have a well developed content of character, often the ones who make people laugh, and say "you are so easy to talk to", whereas Marys, being so stunningly beautiful, seem less approachable at first.

    Cliffs: Marys are the super hot looking chicks, and Rhodas are there less attractive, usually funny, friends.

    I am Rhoda, and I am at peace with it, :mamoru: and even revel in it, from time to time.
    That is all.
    With Love,
    Rhoda
    P.S. This is not to say that there aren't women who look like Marys and have great personalities and senses of humor. They exist. I tend to think my best girlfriend who IS the Mary in our duo, is one of those kinda Marys. Also I did not invent the rules of Rhodas and Marys so don't get mad at me if you don't like it. LOL
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2006
  25. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I also sometimes struggle with this, it all comes from how I feel about myself, sometimes I feel confident and know I am good looking, I notice a lot more attention then, othertimes I feel scared to show people my self, close up and feel unnatractive, I put too much emphasis into my looks and forget about being me, loving life and myself like I sometimes used to....

    Of course i've had emotional abuse and well sexual abuse in my past so it makes it more difficult but I still try, its a journy...... maybe I should seek help to, who knows, I know Yoga really helped me....... spiritual path

    Its just no matter how many women have told me they think im hot or attractive, I still look down on myself, one thing they might think looks off and I take it to heart, one person may not find me attractive and it hurts........ lol silly yes, but I need to start depending more on myself and come to terms with me , love me again.
     

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