SRS Whoa. Suddenly massively depressed.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by no lol today, Apr 3, 2010.

  1. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    This shit just hit me like a ton of bricks.

    I've been working on trying to get myself happier in the present rather than reflecting on the past & getting stuck on what the future holds. Really working on it.

    But ... the future just crept back in. I know it will be what I make of it, but there's a huge gap I need to cover to come anywhere close to being satisfied with my life. I have this stupid health problem holding me back & I'm trying to cope & work on improvement ... I can't help but see more alienation, loneliness and deterioration. I've been in touch a little bit with others affected by it & it's kinda dismal. I'm trying really hard to set myself up to succeed and keep my head in the game but I know that it would take some freaking miracle of medical science to stack the odds more in my favor. It's not like it's a terminal illness, it just means functioning and feeling like a fucking zombie the rest of my life. It's hard to look forward to that.

    Hopefully this feeling will lift soon. Writing about it helps. I feel sick to my stomach. Any time I cry I get massive headaches. Makes me want to cash out. Ugh. Oh well. Keep goin'.
     
  2. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Let's go back to being primatives so something can natural selection me outta this shit.
     
  3. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    what health problem do you have?
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Sorry to hear you're struggling.

    When I'm really all fucked up about the future, I try to just focus on right now. I know, it's easier said than done but I remind myself that the future is really open, it's not set in stone. So who knows what will happen...and yes, medical miracles happen. You know, before we had antibiotics there were a whole lot of diseases that people used to die from. So you never know.

    Try to focus on just right now and/or the next hour and let all that other stuff just slip away. Whenever you find yourself getting back into the "what ifs" just say something like, "that's the future, not present....come back to the present".

    It sounds kinda cheesy and you'll have to find the words that work for you but that really does help. At first I thought I was being dishonest or somehow wasn't "keeping it real"....but it doesn't matter. The only thing that really matters is what's going on right here and right now. Hell 10 minutes from now isn't even guaranteed so just enjoy the moment.

    Anyways, I hope you feel better soon.
     
  5. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    I have narcolepsy w/cataplexy. Not what you see/hear about on tv & movies ... it's different irl. Hehe.

    I struggled with this at first, too :) I'm also working on getting more going on from day to day so there is actually something happening that I can immerse myself in. Helps, but I'm still such a fucking zombie space cadet I keep missing those moments where I can get something started. Becoming more aware slowly & it's improving. There are just those moments where the past/future come back & depress the fuck outta me.

    Work in progress, tho. Making it better. I felt better after I started this thread ... even tho some douchebag quoted it in the main trying to troll my ass ...
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    So what's it like IRL? I don't know anyone that's had it.
    I actually had this same problem because I kept expecting there to be some really big event to "kick off" a new transition in my life and from then on, it would be smooth sailing. When it was difficult and there wasn't any fan fare for the kick off, I knew I had done something wrong and would just give up.

    I use a quote from a speaker I heard in AA. His whole deal was, "start from where you are." You don't have to get well to get started.....just like you don't have to get in shape before you go to the gym, you don't have get well before you get started. However, what path you choose can be much more difficult.
    Yep, it takes a lot of work but remember, you don't have to believe everything you think.
    That should be a perma ban offense.
     

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