SRS Who do you talk to?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MissKitty, Sep 23, 2008.

  1. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I am not close to my parents. I can easily have a conversation with my dad but never really deep and meaningful kind of stuff. I can just talk to my mother about the weather without wanting to run away very very fast.

    I started on the internet when I was 11. All the new stuff was cool and I found chat rooms and 'friends' and everything else the internet offers.

    Now this is my problem. I have friend, the ones with flesh and stuff, but I can only really talk to my husband about life and what gets me down, what makes me happy and all the other stuff in between. My best friend is overseas and for me to complain to her all the time would just be annoying so I don't open my soul so to speak until I see her and even then I usually have children around which means I can't talk talk.

    This leads me to head to one of the many forums I am on to talk and ask advice - because growing up, this is all I knew. So now I know all I need to do is choose the right forum and ask the right question and I will end up with at least one person agreeing with me and I feel justified in my view and feelings.

    Well it isn't working for me. I am over forums and what I get from them. I am over needing someone else to agree with me for me to feel comfortable and content. I am sick of needing to get it all out in front of a bunch of strangers (no jokes thank you :p) before I can feel okay. I am sick of forums in general and the toxic environment they are, which just leads me to vent and head off to another to vent around the last one.

    So here I am, on an internet forum asking for advice and venting :hsd: how pathetic
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2008
  2. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    ,
     
  3. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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  4. Omerta6

    Omerta6 New Member

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  5. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    if parents and friends aren't an option...

    this may sound kind of lame, but the women's service industry people (hairdressers, manicurists, etc) are often really good listeners :o
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    My wife, then my best friend.

    I can't think of anything I haven't told my wife, and there are only a VERY few things I haven't told my best friend.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What you are looking for is someone who understands you and can relate to you, as wel as support you. You want to get away from the superficial surface, but with only having superficial people around you, you cannot tap into the deeper meanings and understanding of life.

    The Asylum is the right place to be in order to vent your frustration, but in order to get a deeper understanding of life and find people who can relate to you, i advice you to become a spiritual person. You buy a book about bhuddism, and you goto Yoga workshops, where you can meet other people who can talk and relate more to you about the deeper meaningfull things of life. I mean lets face it, your sick of sitting behind the computer, you need to free yourself from the control of that machine, and get out there in the beautifull surroundings of nature and come into terms of peace with yourself.

    It sounds awfull but in reality its wonderfull, start a garden and grow flowers and vegetables. It sounds like a lot of work, but what you get back from it can't be described with a pen.

    You know you like to talk about more philosophical things. But even more about venting your daily frustration.

    You know if i where you id visit a theraphist. Your not mentally unstable or anything, but you need someone 'real' who can lend you an ear.

    If you do that and all the things above, you can finally start filling in that part of your life that you feel is missing.
     
  8. Omerta6

    Omerta6 New Member

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    Internalize your own problems, come up with a solution and reflect them off somebody else to see if you can attain a different persepective is the best option.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I understand how you feel 100%. Boy do I understand that feeling, because I am in the exact same situation. I look around at the forums I frequent, I realize that the bulk of them are comprised of people who aren't interested in becoming anything more than they are right now, and, even though they make threads and stuff whining about their situation, they are not willing to step up and do what it takes to better themselves.

    I also notice that talking on forums is not like talking in real life at all. It conditions you to a certain kind of "response" that is not applicable in real life, and if you do it too much, your real life relationships suffer as a result.

    Finally, the negativity. This is a big one. The whole adage of "surround yourself with the people with which you want to imitate" is so true. So when you come online to forums and surround yourself with people who are down on life, down on themselves, insecure, angry, and bitter, you internalize those traits unwittingly.

    I catch myself doing it all the time. In my case it's been a cycle. I already possess those traits to a lesser degree, am wanting to rid myself of them, but the longer I am on forums, the stronger that bitterness and anger becomes. Or when I make a thread asking for change, I'll find that one person who doesn't think I need to do anything and it'll make me feel more comfortable about my situation and encourage me towards inaction.

    ****

    That being said, I've discovered that the only way to cope with it is to remove yourself from it. For the past 2 years I've taken 2 three-month breaks from message boards and in those times, I have discovered that I have accomplished so much, my attitudes change, and my life slowly begins to turn around.

    But then I get to a place where I miss the friends I have made on here and feel guilty for walking away entirely and drag myself back.

    I'm afraid the truth behind this is, that you almost have to turn around, walk away, and don't look back. The action of removing this safety net from your life will inspire you to take measures to create new ones. Or, to put it another way, you can't heal until you remove the thorn from your side. These are your thorns.

    The more disgusted I get with online forums, the closer I come to taking that final leap and leaving them in the past forever. I am convinced that when that day comes, I will finally get to the place in life where I want to be.
     
  10. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Darketerna: I am a little scared by how accurate you read my post. I was worried that no one would get the point I was trying to get across and I may have come across as if I just want people to agree with me and I manipulate the situation so, but your post was refreshing and has given me some very good insight into my situation. I speak to people as if they know me and understand me as well as my husband does. Of course they don't and that ends up with them misunderstanding me and me feeling like I am surrounded by a bunch of morons (which I usually am :) )
    My husband is very philisophical. Maybe that is something I am try and look into. I am sure he can show me a good way to start on that path and how once I start it will never stop and there are no answers. :big grin:
    Not sure about yoga or meditation though. I am not really into that side of things and with three small children it is pretty difficult.
    I want to get back into reading. I was going to start with Atlass Shrugged but my husband lent it to a friend and our library doesn't have a copy :(

    I often think of how much freedom 'those' people with no internet have. The ones who do stuff and actually have to actively look for things to do rather than sit at a screen and wait for it to bring things to me. I spent one day off forums the other week and it was amazing. I had to check my emails during the day for work stuff and would find myself staring at a log on screen wondering how the hell I got there and then realising the shame that it is totally automatic. I am not on the computer because I enjoy it. I don't read and visit forums because I want to or because I enjoy the company, but because it has been what I have done for more than half my life.
    But as you said, if I was to walk away I would miss those .0005% of posts that change my life for the better and I am tempted to stay.
    The other issue is my husband is very heavily into forums and the computer himself. He is in IT and needs to use his computer a lot and uses it as a way of relaxing and calming himself after a crappy day at work. And then I will see that he is on it and I will say "Oh well, he is, so I will too" and then our whole night/weekend is gone. And he needs the internet for work, so I can't just say let's get rid of it and remove the temptation. He has offered to block anything with forum in the url for me . Isn't he sweet

    So when are we going cold turkey for good? ;)

    I thank you for your post. It, like DE's, left me with a sense of normalcy. That what I am feeling or experiencing isn't all in my head and that there is some understand out there. But of course then I wonder if I merely received the replies I did because I made sure I asked in the right place to get the answers I want :hs: And here I go over analysing everything again :big grin:

    To be honest, I just want my life back. I want to know what real interaction is and I want to get my hands dirty out there in the big wide world. I have spent more than half my life socialising on the internet and not having any real connection with people off it. I am not a dumb or socially retarded person. I just find that society on a whole is fucking messed up in the head and the thought of having to face them without an ignore button is so painful.

    I think too much. That is my problem!
     
  11. Soltaker

    Soltaker 03-18-2015 #NEVERFORGET

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    Depends on the situation / topic. I have a good friend at work I can vent to about my wife and all of the bullshit associated with being maarried to her. When it comes to work my wife listens pretty good. Funny thing is there is a lot of shit I wouldn't dare bring up to my wife :rofl:
     
  12. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I don't want to say I feel sorry for everyone who has no one. But I would hope in this day and age that no one should feel as if they have no one. How do you cope? I need to get things out or I explode. As long as I can verbalise my feelings I am okay. And not just to a piece of paper like a journal but another human being who can just listen and acknowledge my thoughts as real and worthy. Not tell me I need to get over it or what not because it doesn't matter. It does matter or it wouldn't be bugging me!

    :( The best part of my life is my husband and my kids. It isn't that I am nothing without them and I lose my identity as a person, but they are my life and without them I don't know what I would do. My husband is my best friend on the planet. We know everything about each other and I mean everything. I enjoy being around him and I long for his company whenever I can get it. I am not afraid of bringing things up with my husband. Good or bad I trust him to keep my secrets and treat me with respect and love at all time.
    I am sure I will sound pompus here but, why are you married if you don't have that freedom with your wife? And why would there be bullshit associated with being married? :(
     
  13. Soltaker

    Soltaker 03-18-2015 #NEVERFORGET

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    Awesome! :bigthumb:

    This is your thread dear, not mine ;)
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Well, if it makes you feel anybody, I think all the same shit. To the "T". So if you are crazy or weird, then you are in good company. :big grin:

    I believe that a very high percentage of people come to the internet because of a deficiency in their real life of some kind: For some it's a relationship that is failing or an emotionally unavailable partner, so they seek out the solace of the internet to try and recoup some of the loss they feel from real life. For others, they use it as a crutch (a way to connect with people in a very impersonal way with little to no risk--you and I fall into this category I think) because they have either been hurt in the past and are afraid to make close connections with people in real life or to bolster a life that is out of their control or to brighten up the dullness that the humdrum of normal everyday life can bring. Still others seek out the internet because they are outcasts...they are not pretty enough, cool enough, rich enough, what have you to fit into normal society, so they come to a medium that removes the barriers of what real life can bring and find a freedom to be whoever or whatever they want to be. And all that, if you fuck up, you just create another persona, go about your business and no one is the wiser.

    It's a classic media for those with these types of issues to cope with their less than perfect realities.

    Or it is just mindless, fun entertainment at low expense and low energy.

    As you can tell, I've given this a lot of thought. I've sworn off the internet billions of times only to return. Because at the root, we think it's harmless entertainment that we can walk away from but in a lot of cases there are relationships that have been forged through the internet that I would be very sad to walk away from. Turns out, the "wall" or the "distance" that is there, is just a facade because it's still hard to walk away from friends that you've made online, even if you feel stupid for missing that "text on a screen".

    In other words, I am ready to walk away when you are. :rofl:

    The sick part of it for me is, I've been on message boards for about 6 years now, and 4 of which I used to cope with a shitty marriage. In a lot of ways the "addiction" that I've had to these types of forums came first in my marriage...not because they are so great, but because my marriage was that shitty and attention was easy to garner online by trolling and being somebody that I wasn't in real life.

    When my marriage fell apart, I decided that it would never happen again and that I would begin the journey away from message boards and online friendships and rejoin the world. I've come a long way in 2 years and I feel like I am ready to give up this crutch and build deeper relationships with the acquaintenances and friendships I've established since my divorce.

    I think I am rambling,but it's only cause I think I get how you feel. I'm pretty much where you are at...disgusted with this medium, but still scared to give it up entirely because it's been a crutch for me for so long.
     
  15. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Same here.

    Almost same here. I wasn't permitted to leave home/have friends outside school so when we finally got a fam computer I was around 16 or so.

    Switch husband with fiance, keep the best friend overseas & subtract the children and you have the same situation as me.

    This is why I periodically pay somebody to sit & listen to me for my reasons on my terms.

    I pretty much don't leave my house alone. :noes:
     
  16. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    i RARELY talk to anyone anymore if i do its my best friend or his girlfriend
     
  17. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I talk to my buddy back home or my brother and on a rare occasion if they bring it up, people from my program. Usually I just keep it to myself, though.
     
  18. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :sad2: i can totally relate. i am not at all close with my father. in fact, he and i talk on important holidays and his birthday or when my mother doesn't answer the phone. my mother and i have a better relationship now than when i was high-school age. i live ~1500 miles away from home, so the phone is pretty much all we've got. she, however, wishes i would tell her more about my life, etc... but i don't trust her to keep things to herself, so i don't. :(

    i used to tell my ex bf everything. i would go to him with everything about my day. it was finally great to find someone that seemed genuinely interested in hearing about things that happened during my day. i did have a guy i dated tell me that my life and interests [i'm a mega workaholic and school nerd] were boring. :wtc: this, mind you, was coming from a guy who used to go to bars frequently, come home tipsy/drunk, and drunk dial me at 4am. :squint:

    as of right now, i will either keep it to myself or talk to my counselor. i'm suuuper guarded with my feelings, thoughts, and emotions [unless work related - go figure]. well, minus the information i post on ot, of course :mamoru:.

    i am a lot of people's therapists though. my best friend calls me constantly to bitch about her day. :o it's really starting to get old because it's always one-sided. she's become really selfish. :(
     

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