SRS Who are your safe people?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Bean, May 3, 2005.

  1. Bean

    Bean Guest

    It has recently come to my attention that my partner may not be a good choice in the area of surrounding myself with 'safe' people for recovery.

    She doesn't drink, or use, or any of that, but by the same token, she doesn't care to get involved in my rehabilitation, or care to try to understand my mental illness and my behaviors. This sets things up for all kinds of havoc.

    Two nights ago, we got into an arguement, first one in a long time. We yelled at each other, then last night we talked. Turns out, she made a realisation about herself, and had to share it with me. BUT she didn't want to hear my side of how I interpreted her stance. I've realised that this is how it's been all along (we've been together almost 6 years now).

    The question in rehab yesterday was posed to me: "Have you considered removing your partner from your circle of recovery?"

    It makes sense, it's not like I'd be leaving her. Just removing her from my recovery at the emotional investment level.

    However, that just doesn't sit right, I mean, partners are supposed to be there for each other right?
     
  2. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    if she doesn't care to get involved, I don't think she's really being there for you 100% ... sounds like just tolerating it and waiting it out.

    it really just depends on how much you want her help out of this... if she's not really willing, then removing her from that recovery is probably a good thing.

    right now, i don't have safe people, just myself.
    i work around people who are high or drink all the time (what do you expect for working in a restaurant though), and really don't have any friends down here that don't drink or drug or anything like that...

    so, I'm going it alone for now, I've avoided meetings for over a year since i've been here as well.
     
  3. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    Get a sponsor, first off. Start working the 12 steps. She should only be a marginal part of your recovery. The main part is those who are actually in recovery. While it would be nice to have that support at home, it's not nescessary. It's SUGGESTED you not make any drastic changes within the first year (move, get out of long term relationships, that kinda stuff)
     
  4. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    You'll end up drinking again if you keep it up.
     
  5. Bean

    Bean Guest

    I'm doing all that stuff. AND I don't' plan on leaving the relationship any time soon...I just need to learn how to apply my newfound knowledge to my relationship.
     
  6. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    possibly...

    chances are i'd go back to knives beore drinking though :hs: felt better
     
  7. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    I agree with Demon, it doesn't sound like she's there for you 100%. However, sometimes it is difficult to get normies to understand. I had to ask my dad like 5 times before he would finally come to a meeting with me.

    On another note, I wouldn't really have her distribute medication to you as you mentioned in another thread. This can cause all kinds of problems (I have a friend who ended up relapsing and breaking up with his girlfriend because he gave had her be the person to hold the vicodin.)

    Having friends in recovery is vitally important, it keeps you accountable. There are many things I can share with people in recovery that I simply cannot share with normies (partner or not). I talk to at least 1 person who's in currently in recovery everyday (usually on the phone or in person), I haven't really missed a day in a few months. This is ultimately what keeps my recovery in check on a daily basis.

    "The best weapon for recovery is the recovering addicts" -NA Basic Text
     
  8. metoots13

    metoots13 New Member

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    hopefully you'll try and find a meeting you like down there, Willie P offered to have someone get in touch with you in Houston if you're interested yet.
    love ya
     

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