SRS Where do I go?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DarkDruid, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. DarkDruid

    DarkDruid The Power of The Awesome

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    (Its kind of a rant but I will try to sum it up at bottom)

    I know this happens in everyone's life and that its normal but its wearing me out badly. I am a freshman in college on my 2nd semester and I am so freaking confused. Unlike most of my friends I stayed in the city and am going to Metropolitan State College of Denver. In all honesty I don't mind going there academically but socially everyone is all business and not really anyone hangs out.

    My mom has been sick the last few years and my family does not have "lots" of money for me to go to Uni and I figured I wouldn't waste there money when I didn't know what I wanted to do. But now I feel exhausted from going to school Full-Time, working Full-Time and trying to have a life. I have managed to not do so well at all three. I am doing OK at school (A's and B's even though I don't study) but I am sick of work.

    I have worked at Target for 3 years now (since I was a sophomore in high school) and I have done EVERYTHING (cashier, carts, guest service, photo, sales floor, backroom, and starbucks) and can do them well. I have been offered a managing position but work has become so stressful that I don't really want to take it although I would make practically double.

    It doesn't sound like it but my life is falling apart around me, I don't know what I want in life, where I am going, what I am doing. I want to be social and hang out with people (my current friends can almost never hang due to conflicts) and I really would LIKE (not want) a relationship. I am lonely and feel like I am just wasting away and that it would be cool to meet a cool girl.

    Don't get me wrong, I have fun with my family/brothers and the few friends I have but I want to start living my life and figuring myself out but I can't. My study/work habits are terrible, my organization and memory skills are poor and I often get yelled for not completing tasks at home.

    At work I am on my (final warning) which means if I call in sick or am late a few more times in the next year I am fired. I would like to let you know at work I am a VERY hard worker (why I work so many departments) and take myself very seriously. Most tardies I have had are due to coming in on days I was NOT supposed to work and I was keyed in wrong and it wasn't caught until later after it was too late (made me look late).

    I don't have much to do and the few things I do want to do I feel like I don't have time. I feel like my life is run by WORK and SCHOOL. I love music and photography and am VERY creative but I kinda have no inspiration at this time.

    Because my mom is sick I can't leave and if I did it would be completlely selfish but I feel like my life is on pause which is true and it is driving me crazy. What can I do everyone?

    (spark notes :sadwavey:)
    I am a freshman in college, I go to inner-city college so I can stay at home and take care of mom (who is sick) and my dad/brothers (tons of stress and care taking). My involvement with friends has decreased greatly because we are all busy (aka I am super lonely). I no longer work out (i used to run xc), and last relationship blew up in my face. I am mature/responsible 18 year old who is looking for something deeper than what typical 18 year old thinks about. I don't know what I even want to do with my life so I am just taking random/core classes at school. I kinda want to be on my own and make new friends. I may want to go to another college that isn't here (I grew up in same house almost whole life and still live/work around) like CU Boulder. I am sick of my job and just all together worn out. I don't even know what I want (I usually don't) and I am afraid I will make a mistake with all this happening and that something will give in my life. I have thought about seeing a career counselor (my schools advisers suck, they expect you to know what you want to do). Where do I go with my life guys?
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2008
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    All of your friends 'left' and you stayed behind? Why?

    You know you are at the steering wheel of your life, and if you don't turn the vehicle at a proper moment you will crash in life. Its vital that you give your life the right directions, what is the right direction? Its easy, its up (in the sense of improvement of your current situation) , you simply ask yourself the question, what move will improve my current situation? And then act upon that move, you can't let yourself be hold back by fears or things go wrong. Its more important that you do everything in your power to make the best of your life within the frame of possibilities that you have. Doing 3 things together has made your life impossible.

    All in all you have to jump out of the circle. You know you have your own life, if possible your mom should be in some daycare facility, if that's not possible then if i where you i would keep taking care of your mom, and try to find another part time job so you don't have to overexert yourself, and have more time to focus on your studies.


    The issue is the following, You live to work instead of working to live.

    Are you really happy being so tense and overloaded with work all the time?

    A bow cannot be tensed all the time, it wil put too much strain on the string and it will lose its ability to shoot arrows in a proper manner. Life is about living, what good is it if you work all the time, and can't even spend time with your gf in the weekend? What is your life worth if you focus it on everything exept on yourself? You'll lose yourself and that's no fun.

    You are like a steam kettle, if pressure builds up too much and not having an outlet , the kettle will explode and lose its ability to function. That is why people need to release stress, i suggest you make a period of time in which you say 'this is my time' specially dedicated to me in which you can release some steam by playing golf, or exercising in the gym., and our time specially dedicated to your gf and you.

    I had the same problem, i've put a priority on everything and everyone exept myself, up till the point that i had a death experience into which it eventually became clear to me that survival comes first you need to take care of yourself first, before you can help others.

    You have only one body, and can do only so and so much on one day. If you go over that maximum then your body will surely degrade. Its up to YOU to say 'STOP to here and no further', and create boundries.'

    Its better to take one step back and be happy, then becoming all you can be and being dead unhappy. You first, therefore please take proper care of yourself, don't feel ashamed to create an outlet for you to be alive. Learn to say NO against the factors that would make you overexert your life till the point that they shorten your life span, again create boundries PROTECT YOURSELF , because no one is going to do it for you.

    If you die because you overexerted yourself, you will get a kick afterwards and they'll start laughing at you for giving your life away for such a stupid thing. Don't get me wrong i think its good to have ambitions, finishing school, and putting importance in your job, but non of them are worth to the extend that they devestate your life completely.

    Its good to have some steam on the kettle, some decent pressure will help you achieve things in life, its just a matter of adjusting the heat.
     
  3. DarkDruid

    DarkDruid The Power of The Awesome

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    I don't really completely work to live I work WAY less hours then I used to because I thought it was too stressful. I have bought everything I have ever wanted and only make money to pay off my car. My mother had a terminal brain tumor when I was a freshman in high school and my life kinda has like gone crazy since then. The tumor is now dead but she has brain swelling that makes her not as mobile as a normal person so we and my brothers/dad alternate like helping her go to the bathroom and making sure she gets her medicine and all. She is still very much conscious and aware of her surroundings (occasionally a little confused) but she is still my mom that I have always known and I love her. How do I find what I want to do for school though?
     
  4. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your mother... that is a lot of responsibility for someone as young as yourself.

    In response to where you should go or what you should do, you really need to figure that out on your own. No one on OT knows you better than you know yourself. But I can tell you this... you are still young and have a long future to decide what you want to do. Don't be scared of what lies ahead of you in your years to come. I remember when I was 18 and fresh out of high school I was scared shitless about where my life would go and what I should be doing. But I look back on it now and see that I had nothing to be afraid of. I have met many cool and interesting people in the last 9 years.

    Don't be afraid to choose a major in college, but try and choose what you think you may like. I wanted to be an architect so I went to a tech school to learn drafting. Even though I finished college I realized after that I didn't like being a drafter, and I didn't want to become an architect anymore. But my degree has allowed me to get the good jobs that I have had since college.

    One final piece of advice is avoid technical college offering 2 year degrees. If you are going to do the college thing go for the 4 year bachelor degree at least. That is one piece of advice I wish someone would have told me when I was 18. You will get more job offers and better salary having a 4 year degree over a 2 year AS degree.
     

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