When's the right time

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BadKat, May 4, 2008.

  1. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    to make a major step such as giving someone a key? :dunno:

    Honestly, right now it's more out of convenience and my own safety than it is for "oh, I'm so in to you I want you to have a key so you can come and go as you please". BT comes by usually late at night. I've been leaving one of the doors (usually the back) unlocked for him so that he doesn't have to call or knock or anything in case I'm doing something when he gets here. However, I live in the woods, and there's transients that camp out around here. I don't feel safe doing it, but there's been times I've fallen asleep and he'd been locked out.

    I was thinking of giving him a key just out of convenience. But I worry that the gesture may freak him out a bit. :dunno:
     
  2. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Every major step like that for me was always for the sake of convenience as well. if you two are in a place where him having a key makes life easier/better, its the right time.
     
  3. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    If I trust him enough to be in my bed, I probably can trust him with a key to my place. Plus then I wouldn't have to worry about random people coming into my house.

    Just Friday afternoon, I was outside, having a cig and my neighbor and his friend came out. They offered me a beer (which I accepted) and then the friend started hitting on me. Like, wouldn't take the whole I-have-a-boyfriend-and-I'm-not-divorced-yet-and-I-really-don't-know-you-so-no for an answer. When I went back inside to give my daughter a bath, he actually had the audacity to walk into my house, call for me and ask for a damn kiss! I was all :eek: No! But I had the door unlocked because BT's hours are never set, so some night's he's here by 9pm, other times it's not until closer to midnight.
     
  4. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    That is REALLY fucking dangerous. Does the friend live there? I didn't realize you had a child, lock the fucking door, no matter what. Starting tonight.
     
  5. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    Yeah, I know :hs:. No the friend doesn't live there, in fact, I had never seen him before. But the neighbor guy is cool. It's the bitch roommate that I can't stand (apparently, neither can he :mamoru: ). I'm gonna get a key made tomorrow.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i dunno, but given that you haven't divorced yet, i doubt it's been long enough to really know him.
     
  7. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    :ugh: Yeah, because that's logical.

    I've actually known him for a while now (and no, I don't mean a month or two either). We worked together, fairly closely. While we've only been sleeping together for a couple of months, I've been hanging out with him, chatting with him, exchanging emails and phone calls for a while prior to that.

    I'm not saying I know everything about him, but I know him well enough that I'm pretty sure he's not going ot murder me in my sleep :mamoru: And he would NEVER do anything to my daughter, so I feel pretty safe with him. I don't hand out my trust easily, and he's deffinitely done a lot to earn it.
     
  8. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    my SO has had a key to my house for as long as I can remember, I gave it to him for some reason of convience such as I could never remember to bring my own house key when we went out or some such thing. That was probably like a year in. At this point, I'm asking for a key to his house because its a pain in the ass to wait for him to be home or one of his roommates if I left something over his place or if I get there after work before he does. Plus you can only lock the door with a key, and if I want to let myself out in the morning I cant lock the door. So...its about that time.

    Edit: oh and, its beyond that time for you. I dont think the gesture shoudl freak him out. tell him you are afraid for the safety of yourself and your child and do not wish to leave the door unlocked for him to come in at night. Or, he could just knock?
     
  9. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    Your above reason is the same reason my Ex-Fiance gave me a key to his place. He didn't have a cellphone (don't ask) and if I got off work after him, but before he got in from going out, I'd have to sit in the hall of his building or in my car, waiting for his dumbass to get home. So for my birthday (about 3 months in) I got a key :rolleyes:

    I'm hoping it doesn't freak him out. It's really a matter of safety and convenience. When he comes over and the door's locked, he usually just calls instead of knocking :dunno: but there's something nice about the idea of just rolling over and seeing them there :wiggle: That way if I want to catch a couple hours sleep between the munchkin going to bed and his arrival, I can without worrying about sleeping through his call or knock.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You haven't given us a number. How long have you been dating?
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    its the right time, if only for safety reasons. it doesnt sound like its a good idea for your doors to ever be unlocked, so him having a key would be better.

    if you feel comfortable with the thought of him possibly being in your house when you are not, then i think its fine. you dont have to make a big deal about it if you think it would freak him out. just hand him the key next time you see him and say "i'm not going to leave the door unlocked anymore, use this when you get here" he should be fine with that
     
  12. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I had been with my boyfriend for 6 months and when he came back after the summer (our college isn't local for him, his dad lives in Kansas, mom in another town, blah blah) I threw a key at him.

    Well, I wrapped it up in a cute little box but he loved it and I don't regret it. He never comes over here unless I'm here/on my way and I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't steal my shit. I think you just know, there was no question with me and him. :dunno:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I find it kind of weird that your SO would just be home hanging out in your house. Do they not have a life or a place of their own?

    I would never just be hanging out in my bf's apartment waiting for him, I've got too much shit going on during my days and the same goes for him. It would be a pleasant surprise I guess to see him waiting at home for you, but for it to be a constant thing?
     
  14. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    i've been alone in my bf's house. i live 20 minutes away from him when we're home from college, so if i come over I often sleep over instead of driving home really late. He gets up for work at 5:45, I dont get up til later, so I'll wake up on my own and then get ready and leave. Sometimes I'll be going over there and he wont have gotten out of school yet, and i'll sit and wait for him. A couple of times I've stayed at his house basically all day and just cleaned the place until he got home, which was obviously much appreciated. Its not like I'm sitting there alone becaues I dont have a life or a place of my own, but I do sometimes just happen to end up there without him.
     
  15. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    no reason for him to have a key

    yeah he can come freely when he wants... but should that realistically be at any time that you aren't around? probably not

    I don't know of many situations that would warrant him having a key that a best friend or family member couldn't suffice.
     
  16. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    I have no family out here. And I only have a few friends, but none who live in my section of the city, but SO works REALLY close by and also lives the closest of anyone else I know. I was relocated here with my Spouse and I haven't moved back to the East, and I'm not even sure I'm going to move back. I'm not giving him a key so that he can just come and chill here without me and he's not the type to do that. If I'm on my way back to my place and I'm expecting to meet him there, that's cool, he'll have a key, he'll let himself in. If I fall asleep because he worked later than originally thought, then he can let himself in and wake me, without me having to worry about some Serial Killer Transient coming at me with one of my own knives.

    Beer - I've known him 7 months. We've been dating for 3 and sleeping together 2. Up until Friday I also worked with him, so I spent a LOT of time with him in those 7 months (he left for something else, not because of me, and the move will also allow us more time together. His new job he chose specifically because it was closer to my place so that he could spend more time with me). We've ups and downs and shit, miscommunication and misunderstandings, but things are going really well now. He's not going anywhere and neither am I. He just told me the other night that I have nothing to worry about and that he plans on going as far with the relationship as it can possibly go, which tells me that he's committed to making this work.

    If I thought he was a rebound, or if I expected him to just pick up and go any day now, I wouldn't even consider doing this.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well it's obviously your choice...but based on that and if it were me I'd say no key just yet.
     
  18. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    It all depends on what you two are comfortable with and your level of trust. I gave my g/f a key to my place after about a month of dating. We had known each other for over a year, and had hung out a lot for two months prior to dating. I had no problem with her having it, and let her know that she was more than welcome to go to my place to take a nap between classes (my place is a LOT closer to campus than hers). She still rarely used it for another 2 months or so, always knocking and waiting for me to answer unless I was in the bathroom and didn't hear her knock - then she would let herself in.
     
  19. scent of a wookie

    scent of a wookie OT Supporter

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  20. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    another thing is you have a kid in the house, i would be super fucking protective of the kid and not let a guy have access. Even if you have chatted, how much do you really know him ?
     
  21. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i dunno, i understand divorces can take a year or two to finalize.....and in my opinion, i wouldn't give someone a key in just a year or two of dating.....hence, why i said i thought it was likely too early, especially if you have a kid, and are going through a life changing situation.


    you asked for opinions. :dunno:
     
  22. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    correct, BT = Boy Toy. It's a joke we have and I've called him that ever since. He calls me George :o. Long story, inside jokes.
     
  23. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    I am super protective, but he's actually pretty damn protective of her as well. I don't just let anyone around my daughter, there's even people I'm friends with who have never met her. And just because I'm dating someone or sleeping with them, does not mean they get to meet her either. But he has, and I don't regret it. He's really good about not wanting to get her confused between him and her Father and he's protective of her when we've been out. He has a niece and a nephew and he's pretty damn protective of them as well. He's just a kid kind of guy and I trust him to not hurt her. I'd actually trust him with her a lot sooner than I would some of my gal-pals.

    I told him what happened on Friday (I hadn't told him prior to tonight) and he FREAKED out. He was extremely pissed that 1) I hadn't told him that day and 2) he was worried for mine and my daughter's safety. I told him that I didn't want him to be worried, but that I was thinking of better ways of doing this. I was hesitant and said "well, I was thinking of just" and I sort of trailed off and he inserted "giving me a key?". When I replied in the affirmative, he said we'd talk about it tomorrow, he wanted to think about it.

    Lauren, I understand and respect your opinion. Some people just take a lot longer with these sort of things. If after a year or two of dating someone, I didn't at least have a key, had met their parents and the majority of their friends, I would think something was wrong in the relationship, or that I wasn't a priority. But that's also just me. It's not that I move fast, but I also don't believe in wasting time with someone who's "just not that in to you", KWIM? If in a year, none of the above has happened, I will have wondered why I was still in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. I agree that this is happening rather fast, but at the same time, with my shitty cellphone reception (again, I live inside a park) it would just make things that much easier. I think at this point, since I mentioned it to him, if he's comfortable with it (especially if it helps put his mind at ease about strangers coming in - he was really upset about that, asking me what happened, how far into the house the guy came, where, how and if he touched me, etc.) then I'm going to do it.
     
  24. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    how old are you?
     
  25. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    Thank you. Yeah, I'm not looking for him to move in or for us to find a place together, I woudln't want that for a looong time, but I don't mind giving him access. It's just been so long since I've had to worry about all of this that I'm second guessing myself a lot. Which irritates me to now end (not to mention BT and one of my close friends :mamoru: ).

    Lauren - I'm 26. BT is 32.
     

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