SRS When should you not give someone another chance?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Potski, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. Potski

    Potski what?

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    I've recently been contacted by my ex-best friend. Typical "I miss you bro. I'm sorry, I've changed. Let's start fresh k?" message.


    Backstory: Really good friends for years. I'd always have a blast when with him. Cool guy, similar interests etc. However about a year ago I noticed a trend. While perfectly pleasant to my face he would be a bit strange about me behind my back. Not in-your-face bitching, but manipulative shit-stirring. For example highlighting negative aspects/events about me for no reason, misquoting out-of-context in a way that can't have been accidental or exaggerating/making-up other things.

    At first I thought it was just paranoia but it eventually got to me and I mentioned it to him. He wouldn't say anything and just looked blankly at me while I talked and wouldn't reply after. I left in frustration.

    Unbeknownst to me, he texted my girlfriend (they were friends. not with her now btw) straight after saying "I'm worried about him. He's acting all weird and shit we need to talk, come over."
    She went round and he basically called me an idiot for a while, then changed the topic of conversation to something else and came onto her :ugh:
    She left straight away and told me this. And I haven't talked properly to him since..


    I do miss hanging with him a lot. But that's bordering unforgivable.. I'm torn :hs:
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It depends on what happened in the past....

    I had an amazing girl friend who was just like your friend. I thought we'd be friends forever and suddenly she got weirdly jealous of me and I found out she started talking tons of shit behind my back to all our frined. My other friends are who told me and I was so hurt and confused. We've never been friends since and even though it's been years and I don't care anymore I still could never just trust her the same way.

    So I guess what I'm saying is if I were you I'd still not befriend him again.
     
  3. deleterious

    deleterious OT Supporter

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    forget that fuck man
     
  4. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    lol i wouldnt give him another chance
     
  5. Potski

    Potski what?

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    That's the worst part. Even if I did go along with it, it probably wouldn't be the same anyway because I couldn't trust him.

    Thanks beer.


    To the others: It's easy to say "no way!" but this guy was like my closest bro. I've never got on better with anyone else. If he is genuinely sorry and has changed.. is it really worth giving that up just because of some shit in the past?
    And that's the conundrum.
     
  6. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Cheating, Lying, and Stealing = never give someone another chance.
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    if you really miss him, try talking to him about the issues in the past. if he is willing to discuss what happened, take part of the blame, own up to the shit talk and hitting on your gf...maybe. if he wont even talk to you about it, then no way
     
  8. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    There's a reason why you chose to end the relationship, and it was a good reason. There's no reason why the same shit won't start up all over again.

    If you really miss your friend and you feel your friend is worth risking all of that happening over again, go ahead and go for it.

    And of course if you don't feel it's worth the trouble, then don't.
     
  9. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    He talked shit behind your back and was trying to pick up on your girl...yeah fuck that he doesn't deserve another chance he's probably crawling back to you now b/c he doesn't have any friends that will hang out with him anymore
     
  10. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    from my own past experience, i remember this little line- "once a ____ always a ____." you can fill the blank in with many traits, such as liar, shit talker, jealous, cheater, etc


    and I have never had this statement proven wrong in my own life. Maybe I am unlucky, but i have given a ton of chances to many people, and the statement holds true every time :eek3:
     
  11. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    You can try, make sure he knows if he fucks up again, this time he'll be cut off forever. You will see almost right away if he changed.
     
  12. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I agree with this. I had a friend who stole some money from me years ago. We still hung out years later but he'd never admit to that. Now we don't hang out for other reasons but I've decided that the only way I'd become friends again is if he came clean with me.
     
  13. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Dude is negative baggage. You're better off seeking more worthwhile people than wasting time on someone that consistently brings you down. If he wants to change, he knows what's up & he can let you know.
     
  14. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I have experienced the same.
     
  15. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :rolleyes: guys make it seem as though girls are the only ones who are catty. that is a crock of shit, if you ask me! :rofl: i know a handful of guys that have each talked crap to me about their so-called "best friends."

    advancements towards me have also been made by the guys in the group. :dunno: i would have more of a problem with the way your so-called friend hit on your girlfriend than by the actual advancement itself.

    :dunno: i don't see being a friend with him a bad idea, if you truly want to let him in your life again. i would suggest he not text/call your girlfriend as well as not hang out with her without you. you can see how it goes from there, i guess.

    sure, some trust was broken. you just have to decide whether or not you want to give him a chance to rebuild that trust...
     
  16. BossFrost

    BossFrost New Member

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    No, dude. Just, no.
     
  17. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    .
     
  18. Matt550

    Matt550 New Member

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    I would forgive that person, and let them know they have been forgiven. That does not mean you have to be friends with them again, or anything like that.
     

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