When should I tell her?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Alithia, Dec 22, 2007.

  1. Alithia

    Alithia New Member

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    I cheated on my girlfriend. Do you think should I wait for Christmas to pass and then tell her, or do it asap?

    *edit for more info

    I went to a friend's 21st bday party and saw some people I hadn't seen in a while, a guy who used to be a close friend before we left for uni. Everyone had some drinks and 4 of us went to his house to stay the night. I was sleeping on a couch when he came up and said that he just wanted someone to lay with. We did exactly that for a little bit but then it escalated and we had sex. Well...we started to but I stopped. It wasn't right and I knew it. I've always valued the fact that I'm honest with my girlfriend so I have to tell her.
    BTW I'm a female.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2007
  2. Halcyon

    Halcyon New Member

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    We need the story as to what happened to help us dictate when would be the optimal time to confess.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Tell her now. Every day you let her think she's with someone worth her time your are further fucking her over.
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    now, definitely.

    imagine how much worse it will be if she has some amazing plan for christmas.
     
  5. DubOverdose

    DubOverdose New Member

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    Now. The sooner you tell her, the more trust you can salvage.
     
  6. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    :rofl: either never tell her or tell her now and kiss your relationship goodbye

    btw, you're a whore
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Tell her fucking now. It's dumb as hell that you would think waiting until "after Christmas" would make the situation any fucking different. I love how people seem to think they are doing their SO a favor by telling them something that could change their relationship after the holidays. No matter what you cheated on her and she deserves to know sooner than later.
     
  8. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    ive always kind of felt that to say bi-sexual is another way to say purely hedonistic whore..


    another example to write down for me.... (i dont mean to be hateful here, im just saying that I always felt that you could pick one if you were serious about loving someone else)
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    No way, that's the beauty of being "bi."
     
  10. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    I wouldn't tell her if you think the relationship will last beyond it. :hsughno: Her trust in you will be damaged and you realized what you were doing was wrong during the act and stopped it.
     
  11. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Id tell her sooner rather than later.

    The Great Joy of Serving Others
     
  12. Alithia

    Alithia New Member

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    I did it. Tonight. We're through. Thanks for the advice.
     
  13. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    At least you got it out of the way.

    I wouldn't get in a relationship again for a while. Sounds like you can't handle the responsibility/maturity necessary for it.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb: Now go have fun being single. Don't cheat on anyone ever again.
     
  15. Alithia

    Alithia New Member

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    I don't think I will either and maybe you're right about that too. And while you don't know all the details and what our relationship was I'm kind of grateful I can come here and get opinions from a different set of eyes. It might be just what I need.
     
  16. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    Alithia, really, it was the right thing. Eventually even when you try to work things like that out it just keeps coming back to haunt you and the relationship. Some couples do 'get past' it, but the truth is that it's always there. Good luck in the future, I hope you've learned from the experience.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    If you are certain it will never happen again, why tell her?

    Telling her will make YOU feel better (less guilt) and make her feel MUCH WORSE.

    If you plan to stay with her and not cheat any more, spare her feelings and keep your mouth shut.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You're a chick and you have a gf and you cheated on your gf with a guy?

    edit - nevermind.

    Can I hijack this thread and change it to "why people think it's ok to 'just lay' with someone when they're in a 'committed relationship'?"
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    if i didn't know you were kidding i would subtly mock your homophobia :greddy:
     
  20. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Is that common? I can not even describe how pissed I would be.
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I just do not get how people have such a hard time understanding the rules they themselves set up.

    For the record I've never and will never cheat, although I was sort of cheated on once.
     
  22. DubOverdose

    DubOverdose New Member

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    Because its the right thing to do. If you value the person that you are in a relationship with, then you need to be upfront with them. If not, you are leading them to think you are someone that you are not, which isn't what a relationship should be based on.
     
  23. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Sort of?

    And yeah, I will never understand people who set rules (lets be exclusive) and then BEND them, (oh we're just laying together) They're your rules! Just break them and be done with the entire contract.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Sort of. It's in some old thread in the asylum from a while back.

    She made herself entirely, explicitly, very flatteringly available to my roommate. The reason it didn't turn into a make out / hook up was because my roommate was appalled, at her behavior and on my behalf. Logically, that is equivalent to cheating, but I don't know if it would hold up in the courts of the vag. :hs:

    I think a lot of people don't realize they have a choice when it comes to contracts, so they pick monogamy by default (both physically and emotionally).

    I have no sympathy. As it turns out, monogamy is not the contract I prefer, but when I DID choose it as my contract, I did not break OR bend jack shit.
     
  25. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I bet it would. Intention is all that really matters in that situation. Shows her willingness to do so and indicates she may have in the past :dunno:
    Good on your roommate, I never hear stories like that.
     

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