LGBT When is the best time to come out?

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Electric Head, Apr 11, 2005.

  1. Electric Head

    Electric Head New Member

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    I dont know when to tell my mom and family that I'm gay...Its tearing me
    apart inside

    :wtc:
     
  2. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Not at a family function, or anyother rare occasion that would be "ruined"
     
  3. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

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    When you feel comfortable enough with yourself to let your family and friends know.

    If you are feeling uncomfortable, see a counselor.

    If you are in a situation where they will kick you out, I suggest coming out once you are out on your own.

    Have friends to support you and be with you...you'll need a shoulder to lean on if things go astray from your immediate plans.

    :love: :hug:
     
  4. Electric Head

    Electric Head New Member

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    I've Seen a counselor...did nothing for me but made me feel worse.

    My friends are bastards, I only have two friends who are cool at all that I can talk to.
     
  5. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    sucks that a counselor didn't do anything for you. What's your situation? age?
     
  6. Electric Head

    Electric Head New Member

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    I'm 15. Live in a family thats either fundie christian or fundie muslim.
    I go to a catholic school where I'm sort of out as bi...since someone I thought was a friend started spreading rumors...Most people are cool with it and all. Recently a friend of mine told me he was bi, so he's easy to talk to about all this BS.
    Severe moodswings, depression, and frequent suicidal thoughts aren't helping my shitty life at all either :sad2:
     
  7. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :hug: It's good you've got a friend you can talk to openly about it with. High school's tough, but if you can stick it out, things will get better. :hs:
     
  8. Electric Head

    Electric Head New Member

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    Thing is...I'm not sure I can...
     
  9. MLH

    MLH New Member

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    Hang in there buddy, you can stick this out and when its all over you will realize all the drama about it is worthless.....If I can come from a super conservative family and be cut-off completely and not accepted and still found a way to send myself to one of the best schools in the nation and had a ton of friends turn to hate towards me and still come across as one of the happiest guys all my friends and co-workers know with all my daily struggles, I know there are other guys out there that can do it aswell.....
    Things in life suck whether your gay or straight, its how you handle those things that sets the path for your future.
     
  10. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    It's only high school.
    It may seem like alot now, but trust me... it can be worth as little as you want it to be.
    People will reject you, but that will be for the better. Would you rather live with people who don't like the real you?
     
  11. Jobe

    Jobe keke ^_^

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    It might help coming out to people individually, that way the thoughts of others around them don't interfere with their own... just in case someone really can't accept it.
     
  12. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :hs: It's tough, but we've all been there. Middle school and high school are gonna be toughest times in your life and you're going to feel like shit a lot of the time. Talking about it helps a lot. :hs:

    The first step is accepting who you are and being ok with it.
     
  13. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I waited until my parents pretty much knew and asked me over breakfast...

    I'll never eat Wheeties again.
     
  14. Team503

    Team503 Guest

    First, please don't do anything like that - call a friend, talk to a counselor (find one who DOESN'T make you feel bad about yourself, that's kinda the point), post on OT, or call a hotline.

    The trevor helpline: (866) 4u-trevor
    National Suicide Helpline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)


    The Trevor Project was founded in 1998 to coincide with the HBO airing of the award winning short film "Trevor", hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, The Trevor Helpline is the only national 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention hot line aimed at gay and questioning youth.

    You can Yahoo! me (ducait748boi), AIM me (CibberBoi), or email me [email protected] at any time if you need someone to talk to.


    I lost my first boyfriend to suicide after being together almost three years. He was the one true love of my life. Please don't deprive those around you of the chance to love you.

    I know it seems tough right now, and you're feeling pretty low. And I know that what the guys are saying ("it's just high school" and "you'll get over it") doesn't help much, they're right. High school is a tough time, especially for GLBT youth. You have to deal with the stuff every teen has to deal with, and you have to deal with being gay on top of it.

    In a family situation like yours, it's extra tough. Religion can really hurt people sometimes - feeling like someone believes that you're sick, perverted, evil, or just plain wrong for being who you are is really painful. Try to remember that your family DOES love you, even if they're not very good at showing it. And often, families just need time to change and accept who you are.

    When should you come out? When you're ready to. Not a minute before. A lot of things factor into that decision - your living situation, your school situation (going to college? planning on the parents paying?), etc. I came out at military school when I was sixteen. I've met people who are 12 and out. I've also met people who are 20 or 21 that are still closeted.

    Don't ever let someone tell you that they know what's best for you - only you know that.

    In the meantime, find a "safe place" - somewhere you can go and be yourself. It may be a friend's house, it may be a coffeeshop (coffeeshops are great way to meet interesting people - you may even meet some gay guys your age), a church (don't rule them out - there's lots of churches who are gay-friendly), or wherever. Someplace that you're comfortable and can relax. Some communities have opened GLBT-friendly youth centers. There's also probably a GLBT teen group in your area. You don't have to tell your parents where you're going - catch a bus, and tell your parents you're going to the mall.

    Check for one in your area here: http://www.youthresource.com/our_lives/youth_groups/searchgroups.asp

    Please, please, please talk to someone. Anyone. Don't become just another statistic.
     
  15. Electric Head

    Electric Head New Member

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    Fuck counselors...they do diddley for me, except cause more and more pain.
    fuck it all...
     
  16. Team503

    Team503 Guest

    If you don't want to talk to a counselor, that's ok. Please, just talk to someone. In real life, online, on the phone, friend, teacher, mentor, whatever.

    The Trevor project is free and confidential. You don't have to give a last name, and you don't even need to give your real first name. Hell, you can call me - 512-680-8120. 24/7. My name's Alex.
     
  17. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    I think you should see a different counselor and find one you can be comfortable with. You need one, to be honest. I think it would be better for you to make it through until this summer before telling them, that way you can adjust to it all without jeopardizing your grades in school. I wish I would have done it this way, it would have saved me my whole junior year of highschool from going down the shitter. But this isn't my thread, this is your thread.

    Get some help. You don't have to do this completely on your own, and you shouldn't. I think you need to get your depression/suicidal thoughts straightened out at least somewhat before coming out, because it may not be possible to rely on your parents for 100% support for a little bit after you tell them. They're human, this is a big thing, a huge adjustment needs to be made by them (and that takes time).

    As for the depression thing, do you do anything that you like? Anything you are good at? If not you should find something, because it'll make kicking the bad thoughts behind a whole lot easier. And it will make that adjustment time, for however long after you tell your parents, a lot easier to cope with if you can go out and do something/be with people that don't care. And in the end you'll be a happier person when this is all done.
     
  18. Team503

    Team503 Guest

    I spent several hours talking to EH online last night. He's talking, and that helps. We've got a lot to talk about and a long way to go, but we've got all the time in the world, and even if I'm just an internet counselor, at least he has someone to talk with. :)
     
  19. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I say that you should do it a-la Steel Magnolias.

    (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you are not a self-respecting gay man... I can practically channel that movie!)
     
  20. Electric Head

    Electric Head New Member

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    :eek3::dunno::uh: Never seen it...
     
  21. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...there needs to be a gay education class. There are just some things that should be learned prior to coming out.
     
  22. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    The son comes into his parents house and says "Mom... Dad... I have horrible news... I've just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. I have two months to live"

    Well, the mother practically faints and then the son says "Just kidding. I'm just gay"


    It's funnier when you wathc Olympia Dukakis describing the scene in a southern drawl with cucumber slices over her eyes...
     
  23. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :rofl: I'll have to rent it.
     
  24. urbanjanitor101

    urbanjanitor101 OT Supporter

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    electric head, im going through the same sort of thing right now. im new to this forum but please, IM me any time on AIM at motorsport3 kid and we'll talk about whats bothering you. it only gets easier, not harder
     

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