When is it ok

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ElChupacabra, Jan 17, 2008.

  1. ElChupacabra

    ElChupacabra we should have fucking shotguns

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    to approach a widow? A girl I know lost her husband about a month ago, but it was a looong time coming, he had an inoperable brain tumor and took like 3 years to die, but he was at home with her and their kids through it. I don't want to sound like a dick here, like I was just waiting for it, because I wasn't. Also, how would you approach her? Seems like a completely different set of rules. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a year or more before someone would be ready, I probably wouldn't have been.
     
  2. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    She isn't going to be ready for quite sometime..
     
  3. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    I wouldn't aproach her at all...she's SO going to be in the grieving process for a while and needs platonic support right now.
     
  4. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    My step mother died of cancer early spring last year. It took about 3 weeks before he started having women call him and asking him out for dinner under the "intention" of just keeping him company. But they were all trying to get him for themselves. Even her own cousins/aunts/etc (Italian families have a shitload of family members). And (judge however you want) he started dating a woman he had known for something like 35 years about a month after my step mothers passing. And has been with her since




    Mind you that could just be my father. He started dating my step mother literally 2 weeks after my sisters and I got him to leave my mother :o
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    A year minimum, trust me. I've known people who have lost husbands and even bf's and it takes a long time for them to be over it (at least most people).

    A great friend of mine right now is infatuated with this other girl friend of ours. It's obvious she likes him but she won't really let herself because her fiancee passed from cancer almost a year ago and you can tell she still feels guilty. So my friend patiently waits....It's pretty sad.
     
  6. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    1 month? dude that is WAAAAAAYYY too early, and if anything between were to happen it would be purely out of her confusion/desire to have someone emotionally there for her, not truly feelings. You need to give her 1+ years.
     
  7. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Today.
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I mean, let HER decide when she's ready.

    Just because she lost her husband, doesn't mean she has to stay in and not date for a period of one year. Now is the time she needs to date the MOST, to help distract her. Being alone when you've lost someone sucks. Just because they died and not because you "split up" doesn't make it any different or mean that she loved him any less. It's not like she's going to marry anytime soon, but if she wants to go on some dates here and there, I think it's horrible for other people to judge her (not really in this thread, I'm talking about society in general).

    The point is: You approach, let HER decide.
     
  9. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    Even a fling right now would probably leave her with a guilt that would leave her hating both you and herself. It's probably best if you let the idea of romantic entanglement completely exit your mind and just be that friend and emotional crutch she really needs.

    It's likely she will develop (if you stay with her as a support) a closeness to you throughout this time regardless but don't mistake neediness with affection either. It will take her anything up to five years before she will be mentally ready to enter a new healthy relationship, healthy being the key word.

    Ask to take her out to dinner with candles and flowers, as long as you make it very light and keep it at a pressure free friend level to begin with and just go with the flow. If she wants more she'll let you know somehow, just keep in mind that the grief stricken are prone to rebound.
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, I wouldn't pressure her for anything, but in the same vein, I'd let HER decide what and when she is ready for something. It's not the OP's choice to decide for her when she is ready to date or get in a relationship again. Let HER decide that.
     
  11. upparoom

    upparoom OT Supporter

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    Id say it depends on her. Go talk to her, let her vent with you. Take her out to dinner just to let her talk.

    If she's interested, it will work out. otherwise, she'll let you know.

    If he's been dying for 3 years, she might have already made piece with him and herself and is ready.

    who knows
     
  12. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    I don't know if I can entirely agree with that. She'll probably find the attention an overwhelming positive in her life and may even rush to 'find love' again. She might think she's ready to move on but be totally the opposite, which is why I'm more inclined to believe that even if she does show signs of genuine interest that the OP leave it to his better judgment rather than hers. If you mean that he should consider her mental state and respect her wishes, then yes.
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    See, you are second guessing her though. Nobody but her knows where she is at (this particular situation has been a long time coming and she was prepared for it to happen eventually) but her.

    I wouldn't expect a LTR out of this, but I see no harm in just going for it and letting HER decide where she is at.
     
  14. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    go fuck ten other women. then you'll find your answer. you're fucking pathetic
     
  15. BradUF

    BradUF Guest


    Yeah...
     
  16. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    when she approaches you
     
  17. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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