LGBT When Gaydar Fails...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by CoCo, Aug 7, 2004.

  1. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    A friends just sent me this article, and I don't know what paper (or site) it's from, but it's funny...

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A couple of years ago as I stood shooting the breeze with a galpal on the steps of our college, a male student walked by. As he bounded down the stairs, my friend made an observation.[/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"That guy's gay," she said. [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He was already on his way by the time I noticed him, so I asked her how she arrived at her verdict. [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"The way he looked at you," she said. "He thinks he sees possibilities." [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]We've all heard of "gaydar," the ability of gay men to recognize a fellow traveler based on a minimum of clues. But some gay guys have reason to believe that our straight female friends have more reliable gaydar than we do. Another of my galpals, who knows more gay men than I do, once told me I looked straight, but that there was one dead giveaway to my true sexual orientation: my eyes. [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Gay eyes, she believes, have a somewhat glazed look, a distinctive shine she charmingly calls "fairy dust." Of course, glazed eyes are not too distinct from glassy ones, a frequent symptom of drug and alcohol abuse, so a gay guy should proceed with caution before staring longingly into eyes that are looking for another beer more than a blow job.[/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Rather than brood about being gaydar impaired, those of us looking for love beyond the darkness of the bar scene may be better off making ourselves easier to detect for the benefit of other gay guys who lack this particular form of ESP. In an era in which even straight men can be found getting manicures while sitting under the hair dryer at the beauty parlor, this is a challenge, but not an insurmountable one. [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Here are some tips: [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Wear a Pride bracelet.
    Those bright rainbow colors are not only pretty, they're also a pretty sure sign that a man wearing them is queer. Lest anyone miss the point, add a little limp to the wrist you're wearing it on (and if you're bold enough, adding a swing to your hips should be an unmistakable sign that you're available for some gay good times).
    [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Go to church.
    No matter how often men of the cloth inveigh against us, there are plenty of open minded congregations that welcome our kind. And why shouldn't they? Isn't a steeple a phallic symbol? Aren't most gay guys happiest when kneeling? If you're looking for love, just be sure to open your mouth as wide as possible the second you drop to your knees. This will let other gaydar challenged men know you're eager to engage in another kind of worship after the sermon.
    [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Stakeout the book and record shops.
    Thanks to Borders and Joseph Beth, gay guys with a fondness for music and the written word can combine browsing and cruising in ways heretofore unimagined. If the hour you spent in the Gay/Lesbian section hasn't attracted an attractive man to your side, you can sit (cross-legged like a girl is my recommendation) sipping coffee while leisurely flipping through the pages of a book about gay weddings. But don't forget the CD section. You may be as partial to Elvis and the Beatles as you are to Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand, but the King and the Fab Four aren't gay icons while Judy and Babs are. Spending an inordinate amount of time browsing through their catalogue can send out a signal or two. And don't forget Helen Reddy. I'm sure I'm not the only fairy who raced home from high-school to dress in mother's clothes and stand before the mirror singing "I Am Woman." And what the hell? If you still have that girlish falsetto, why not let the other patrons hear you roar a verse or two?
    [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Of course, if you can't detect the attempt at humor in some of these suggestions, your gaydar isn't the only instrument in need of fine tuning. When looking for love, it's wise to remember that other definition of gay. Eyes full of fairy dust will sparkle more invitingly when accompanied by a smile. [/font]

    [font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]- Brian W. Fairbanks[/font]
     
  2. Insey

    Insey I can feel my cunt contracting

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  3. DatacomGuy

    DatacomGuy is moving to Canada

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl: Sorry.. for some reason this REALLY cracked me up... :mamoru:
     
  4. jordan04

    jordan04 The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't

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    "Aren't most gay guys happiest when kneeling? If you're looking for love, just be sure to open your mouth as wide as possible the second you drop to your knees." the only problem is most people in my church are over 80 years old.
     
  5. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...and how much of your congregation is gay? Oops, they are all old affricans, as your brother discribed them. But oops, those 80 year olds can drop it like it's hot.
     
  6. jordan04

    jordan04 The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't

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    LOL never! without breakin a hip
     
  7. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...hehe.
     

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