when do you let go?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by low20, Apr 11, 2006.

  1. low20

    low20 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    597
    Likes Received:
    0
    ah this is killing me....recently things with my gf have been really wierd. I dont know exactly what it is or how to pin point it. weve been going out for a year and a half now and its really not the same as it used to be.

    we used to have a LD relationship, for th first 3 months, so of course, when we actually got to see eachother it was great, we were all over eachother, and it was still new so u know how it is in a new relationship. so after 3 months we decided to give up our v-cards to eachother...we had both waited (22) till that point and both agreed that we wanted to do it so we did. it has been kinda sparatic since then. it was on and off for a few months, she wasnt sure if we should do it a lot, she didnt want the relationship to be based upon physical stuff. anyway, shortly after the 3 month mark she moved back and now we are literally 5 minnutes away. we see eachother every day, im usually over there after she gets home and we chill and watch tv. we have mutual friends so the wekends are spent with eachother, either with riends or together with a movie.

    i sometimes think that the biggest problem is that we see eachother waay to much. aside from actually sleeping at the house every night, we are basicaly always together. shes works full time and has a busy schdule. like 45-50 hrs a week, plus she works on the side on her days off too so shes busy. im finnishing up school, so i have more free time than she does. latley we basicaly get physical 1 time a week. it ends up being sex prolly 2 times a month and then just fooling around, and doing other stuff the other 2 times. im fine with not having sex everytime, other stuff is just as fun, i dont have a problem with that, but latley i feel like i have to do all sots of stuff to get to that point. backrub or work up to it for like an hour, its annoying. i feel like she will never initiate anything, and if i suggest something, she gets pissed and says "dont ask like that" as if its bd to suggest something. it makes me feel like a jerk when i know im not being one.

    recently i just feel like were not clicking like we used to. i feel like shes always workig against me, like she is trying to get an upper hand or something, and i dont htink anyone should ever have an upper hand, i think both people should just have mutual respect. im getting pretty annoyed, i feel like i give 110% and she gives like 80%, she hardly goes out of her way for me anymore, even if its important, and i bring it up and she just doesnt really respond to anything i say. i love so many things about her and shes soooo fun to be with cause shes funny as hell and outgoing and so beautiful, but i dont know what else to do. we have been fighting a lot latley and i donno how to fix it. i look foward to so much with her, but at the same time, i dontk now if its worth it anymore. ive never felt this way, that i actually consider leaving her, but its been running though my head alot, and i know if i left her, it would be ugly, she would spite me, and i know i would regret leaving.

    anyon have any suggestions as to what to do? i know im only 22 and have plenty of life ahead, but i don wanna leave a great girl over something stupid, i just kinda want things to be normal again. i feel like were just in a slump, i feel like we dont do anything fun anymore or different, its soooo routine. maybe thats the problem. winter is ending and i know summer will bring more opps. to do cool stuff and we will. i also suggest doing new stuff in bed, and we did like 1 time, but after that its like, i cant get her into bed to even do anything. its like she wants to have complete control, or know she has control. i donno, shes not a controling type of person so i dont know what broght this on.

    ahh, how do you know when to let go of something good?
     
  2. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Miami Beach, FL
    Well, me and boyfriend sometimes fight a lot. We've also been going out for a year and a half. And you know it may be that you're seeing each other too much. But, if you're really all that busy, I don't see how that happens. Have you tried talking to her about it. Sometimes, it just happens. As for being in control, I'm not very controlling either, but sometimes I see myself wanting to be in control of things (I'm a girl btw) and so I can understand her in that way, it's a girl thing. I feel like it's expeceted of me in some wierd way. I suggest you try talking to her or something. Since she works so much and you have so much free time, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to come home to a good home-made meal from a boyfriend or a backrub. Those things are actually good, it'll help her relax and perhaps be more open to atleast a lil sex afterwards. Hope that helps.
     
  3. C4172

    C4172 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    0
    Cut down on seeing her so much. That's definately a major factor in her feelings. I've also been in this situation with my ex-bf , we saw too much of each other and i lost interest. Try catching her offguard and go out with just your friends one night.
     
  4. low20

    low20 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    597
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks for the tips...i mean, i rub her back all the time, i do so much for her cause i know shes so busy, but i feel like she iwll never reciprocate, like i put in so much and she doesnt/wouldnt do the same for me, which pisses me off, i feel like thats a little selfish...maybe i expect too much?
     
  5. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    15,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    It's not selfish... it's fair.

    Stop giving backrubs. If she asks you for one, say, "You know, my back isn't feeling too good today, and I think it's your turn!"

    Selfish is taking and taking and never giving back. If she's being selfish, don't reward her for it, or it will only get worse. If she refuses to stop being selfish... well, unfortunately, you've got a selfish chick. Which isn't all that uncommon it seems.
     
  6. low20

    low20 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    597
    Likes Received:
    0
    i guess your right, i hate to think that she would be selfish like that, but maybe ivegiven in too many times...she used to go down on me sparatically as well and that has stoppd...recently i will do new stuff, g-spot play etc and she seems to love it, but she does nothing out of the ordinary for me, she will never come over to my place, she wil come maybe once every other week but other than that im always there...latley ive been declining rubbing her back or saying no to stuff she wants me to do...i donno if thats pissing her off or if she hasnt picked up on it. i never just did anythig she asked, i mean, i try to help her out when she has a long day but other than that im not kissing her feet, so i dont know. ive told her before that it seems like she only thinks about herself. ahhh i hate this crap.
     
  7. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2005
    Messages:
    1,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    "The Shed"
    A relationship is give AND take. If you're doing all the giving and not even feeling appreciated in return, then it's time to make a stand or move on.
     
  8. rudeboy3

    rudeboy3 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2006
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    canyon country CA
    damn this is wierd im going through a very similar situation i can decide to break up with my gf or not. im having such mixed feelings about it
     
  9. low20

    low20 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    597
    Likes Received:
    0
    it definatley sucks...ive told her before, its give and take, she thinks about herself all the time, etc etc, but she doesnt seem to get it. she was neevr like this until recently so i dont wanna give up just yet, cause i know its not her...i dont know anymore
     
  10. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    Have you told her you've been considering an end? Sometimes when people take you for granted, it's good to give them a little scare to show them what they'd lose if you were willing to give up. Back off a bit and tell her that you aren't sure you will make it since the relationship seems to be going one sided lately. Sometimes actions speak a little louder than words.

    Relationships take two people to make it work... not 1 and a half.
     
  11. low20

    low20 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    597
    Likes Received:
    0
    i could do that, but im trying to decide if i want to go there right now. if i do, i should be ready to acept that she might say, "ok" and then that would be the end of it. i dont know if i want to find out or not.
     
  12. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    So do you want to be the only one with feelings in the relationship? Or do you want to be with someone who loves you back?

    It's hard but it's the only way to figure out whether she cares or she's just comfortable in a relationship. Don't you deserve more?
     
  13. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    15,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    Believe me, even though it's scary, it's better to know now if she's through with you.

    Staying around in that kind of situation is just a waste of time.
     
  14. MtroidPrncss

    MtroidPrncss New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Maybe an easier and less stressful way to go about it would be to say you're thinking seeing each other less for a while might be a good idea.
     
  15. Madeinchinamic

    Madeinchinamic New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2005
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA.
    Making her wait, makes her want you more.
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    it's hard to say when it's time for a relationship to end. i think it's important that you communicate your issues to your gf. open communication can be hard, but it's important to have in order for relationships to work. if you're not getting what you feel you deserve in a relationship, then let the other person know. if they don't make an attempt to compromise (so that both of you get what you want), then it's pry not meant to be. :(
     
  17. N-Word-Jim

    N-Word-Jim Cure for boredom

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2003
    Messages:
    7,754
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    Update us on this.

    Last night I confronted my girlfriend about not feeling loved in return and after a long conversation and a lot of tears, I ended it. It's something that can tear you up inside and leave you a shell of a person. I really love her, but she couldn't/wouldn't work with me on this and I wasn't willing to stay in a relationship where I am constantly giving my heart to a person and getting "nothing" in return. I've only told my mother and my sister, it just hurts too much to talk about, but I am glad that I will be able to move on now.

    Anyhow, I just thought that since you are going through a similar situation that it might help to hear my "story".

    Best of luck.
     

Share This Page