SRS When do I pull out of this?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dreams2Reality, Dec 3, 2007.

  1. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    I don't know how to spit it out, so if I ramble I'm sorry.

    At one point I used to date this girl, we were friends before hand. We always told eachother that no matter what happens, in the end, we'll always be friends. Unforunately, I can no longer agree with this.

    I'm in an extremely healthy relationship. I'm happy, smiling, and just about every feeling I have is golden. No bad blood, no issues, and most importantly, no drama.

    This friend of mine has made some really, really bad decisions in the past. Over time she started to correct them, started being much more independant and realized "whats best" for her. What that mainly includes was her love life / relationship, school, and her health.

    I'm happy to say she's looking good again, lost her weight, and is now finishing up her last couple semesters before she graduates. :wiggle: However, this is the problem:

    She's deciding to go back to her ex-boyfriend. The ex is a fake, someone who I saw through from day one. His family, including him, are Jehovah Witnesses. This doesn't matter to me, as I'm the least biased and racist person you'll probably ever meet / talk to. In this situation, it does. Let me explain:

    He's an alcoholic, excessively drinking nightly with complete disregard to anyones feelings. As of recently, the past two months (since they broke up) he "quit" drinking and has "changed his ways". Personally I think it's him trying to impress her, trying to make her think everythings okay. I might be selfish for thinking this and he might be better now, but hey, I have a little bit of a grudge against a guy who messed with a friend, sue me.

    In the two years they were together, he didn't buy her a thing. Now, I'm not saying she's a "materialistic" girl, but, anniversarries, holidays, Valentines Day, birthdays, etc.. Not a THING. Why? Cause he's Jehovah Witness. Now, he's asking her to come Christmas Tree shopping, asking her what she wants for Christmas, bought her a $700 package to a spa at a hotel, etc.

    I guess what my problem is, is this:

    She won't agree / listen to anything I say. I'm not telling her no don't do it, but I'm definitely voicing a strong opinion. Although acknowledging my comments, she comepletly disregards them. She has to make her own decisions and learn from them, I know that. But, I don't want to see her hurt.

    Again, I'm in a relationship but I still "feel" for the girl. I want to make sure whatever decisions she makes, as a friend, that she's okay in the end. It kills me to know in 3 months, 4 months, things are going to drain down the tube again.

    I have an issue with the other guy, he hates me quite frankly. Why? Jealous of our friendship. He's stated multiple times that if they're together, he doesn't want me in her life at all. I seem to always be the "core" of their fights, arguements, and drama. He thinks somethings going on with us, why, I don't know.

    It's hurting me. In fact, it's killing me. It breaks my heart to see her go through this between the two of us (him and I).

    OT: What do I do? Do I just let her live her life without me? Should I stop placing myself into their problems?
     
  2. eu4ia

    eu4ia Active Member

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    i dont think hes being unreasonable when it makes him uncomfortable that shes hanging out with someone she has a history with. maybe he has changed? i think you just need to stand back and let her make the decision for herself, if you see him going back to old ways and bad patterns then say something, but obviously she cares for him and it looks like hes changing so you might as well just wait and see how it plays out
     
  3. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    D2R I know it's going to be hard, but you're going to have to let go of her for at least for a while. Until hopefully her bf stops being jealous or she realizes that she made a big mistake. Either way though she basically told her you're the problem in HER relationship. She's a friend but all you can do is advise, if she chooses not to listen then it's her decision. Also, what one of my friends once told me you see her relationship from the outside you honestly have no idea what they do in their own private time. A girl is always going to mope about the things her bf does incorrectly and you won't know that they actually exaggerated and things are as bad as they same. This also goes vice-versa. Things are not always as they seem.
    She needs to make her own mistakes, if not she won't learn. She already went out with guy before, she knows how he is probably more than anybody else does.
    It's going to hurt you because you feel like you're letting her walk into something that's going to leave her hurt, but it's still not your decision to make, it's HERS. There's only so much you can do.
    Meanwhile, you have a healthy relationship. You've been through quite a bit to get this healthy relationship. Focus on that.
    Best wishes, I hope your friend makes a decision that makes her happy :hug:
     
  4. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    ^^ . and good luck
     
  5. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Thanks, I guess I'll just tell her no-more me.. See how she copes.
     
  6. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    If you've voiced your opinion and she has understood you but doesn't change her actions, she's already shown you her decision. It's her life, and while it's painful to watch other people walk into what you know to be a bad decision, it's only her decision to make. Ultimately she needs to be responsible for her own life, crappy decisions and all. Just stand back and, if you choose, be there for her when she falls flat on her face and then comes to cry on your shoulder.
     

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