What's your take on this:

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by coldstone, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Now, she later claims she's trolling, but that's neither here nor there.
    What I want to know is your opinion about the parts in bold.

    When a woman complains about her male significant other's demand that she change something about herself (i.e. her looks), and when a man complains about her female significant other's demand that he change something about himself (since nothing specific was mentioned in the post, pick anything you think a woman might complain about)... is there a major difference? What's your take on this whole issue?



    Link to the thread
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    My take:

    Being in a relationship is more about FINDING the right person than BEING the right person.
     
  3. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    True.

    What I was trying to ask was, is it hypocritical on a woman's part to do what she demands her SO does himself? Are the parts in bold talking about two completely different things where you can't compare them?
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Really depends on what the dude mean by "trying to change their boyfriends".

    As it is, it's like trying to compare apples and oranges.
     
  5. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    That's why I said pick and choose any reason you think women want to change their men for. :o

    I've seen women try to change me after as little as two months, from things like looks ("Oh why don't you wear that other shirt" or "You should have a beard I like my men with facial hair") to social interaction ("You are always going out with your friends") to food ("I don't ever want you to eat meat again"... she took meat off my plate and wouldn't let me eat dinner; this was in college. Yeah, she's a vegan and yeah we never talked again..)
     
  6. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Men try to change women in the same (non physical and physical ways) that women try to change men.

    Spend less money, be less clingy, spend more/less time with me, get a better job, work out
    so on.
     
  7. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    So it's the same then, right? :o


    Brohio crew :wavey:
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl: @ the last one

    Well, I suppose everybody has a level of tolerance for what they'd change.

    Wearing another shirt and changing my facial hair are things that I could probably change for a girl.

    "Going out with friends too much" and "never eating meat again" would probably garner a good "go fuck yourself" comment.

    Nobody should ever DEMAND change though. It's alright to ASK and then let them decide. Then YOU decide what you want to do based of their decision. If they decide they can't change and it's something that you MUST have changed, you are simply not compatible.
     
  9. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Well, that's always been my stand. I let one girl get away with it a little bit, and before you know it, she was demanding I change everything. Give her an inch, she wants a mile. :squint:

    See, I am the guy that shouldn't keep his facial hair. I don't have much body hair, but if I don't shave my face every day, it's a mess. I haven't shaved in like four days, and I have an Osama beard. :wtc: So when she asked me to have a goatee or whatever, I was like :fawk:.

    Same with the shirt. You might be on your period and you might feel fat today and so you think you need to wear baggy clothes, but that doesn't mean I won't wear a fitted shirt when we go out just so you don't feel you are fat. Retarded shit is what it is.

    Anyway, I didn't wanna post specific examples because I didn't want people to talk about them, and I didn't wanna guide the discussion towards one viewpoint or another. Looks like I failed. LOL
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    Girls have a tendency to try and walk all up and down you just to test your limits. :mamoru:
     
  11. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Yep. Gotta draw the lines early.

    Too bad they try to cross the line too many times, where I get pissed off and leave. Once, I can understand. Two times, maybe. The third time, I am like YOU GO.
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Yes, it's the same thing. It's simply forcing your opinions on how to live on someone else.

    All women should have big breasts

    All men should lose weight

    My brother's an idiot for going to culinary school because he won't make any money as a chef

    My friend should try to get laid more I don't know what the hell is wrong with him

    Everyone should believe in God or they're going to hell...
     
  13. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I got a lot of (from my first LTR)
    -Go out with friends less
    -Dress up when you're at home (he was upset that I only dressed up when I was going out (every other day or so, and btw going out meant maybe, coffee, not bars, I've never been a bar goer) he refused to do anything social and wanted me to get gussied up to watch him play video games :dunno:
    -Drop out of school, college is a joke I know so b/c this self help book about how to be a millionaire told me so.
     
  14. fray

    fray New Member

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    I agree. Hard to compare these. Asking you to physically change and undergo surgery is one thing compared to "I'd like you to take the trash out more". It's going to depend on the people involved and what they're demanding. Some people are self-centered and it's going to be a very hypocritical situation, some are just asking for compromise and I think that's fine.
     
  15. Leah

    Leah OT Supporter

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    Yes, I trolled you guys so hard...only OT is shallow and inconsiderate enough to think that it ever might be okay for couples to talk to eachother like that and that it was a serious thread I made.

    The way I see it, if ANYONE, be they male or female, starts bitching at their SO about their appearance and offers advice on how to improve it...there's something seriously wrong there. I thought that was obvious. :rofl:

    Except if you get fat. :squint: If you get fat, it becomes an issue of health and not just vanity.
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I should get nudes in my PM box for being the first to call you out
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    The way I see it:

    I date/get into relationships for me, not for some other person.

    So yeah, it's pointless to stay with someone who wants you to change in a major way, or lots of ways, that you don't want to.
     
  18. Jonari

    Jonari Well-Known Member

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    my reactions:

    :hsugh:
    :hs:
    :rofl::rofl::ugh::ugh::rofl::rofl::rolleyes::rolleyes::squint::squint::rl::rl::fawk2::roflwtf::gtfo2::ughj::gtfo3::iough:
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    More like finding the right person than trying to make someone else into the right person. You still have to be the right person.

    Oh wait, I see what you meant.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Fundamental incompatibility.

    If he meant in the bedroom, this is a reasonable request. If he means make yourself look nice at home but he is just wearing boxers and a t-shirt all day, then he's full of shit.

    Was it this book? "Want to be Rich and Happy? Don't go to College."
    http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Want-Rich-Happy/dp/0944031595

    Robert Kiyosaki is so full of shit. The entire message from his 11ty billion books can be summed up in 1-3 sentences. Yet because Oprah or someone endorsed him, everyone thinks he's the most brilliant financial guy ever :rolleyes:
     
  21. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Or if she wore a sweatshirt and pj bottoms when they hung out :hs:

    Knew one girl that was like that, never wore anything sexy or even really cute. But she would go out with her friends, and be all dolled up. wtf ?
     
  22. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Yeah, he meant get home from my two jobs totally and school full time and put on a skirt while he chilled in his boxers playing civ. Please note I LOVE dressing up, if he ever left the appt with me I would dress to the nines. His real (but unspoken) issue was that he felt I was dressing up for 'other men' but not him, when in reality I was dressing up to go out with my friends.

    :rofl: it was 'Rich dad Poor dad' he also wrote that book I think. It was such bullshit. He used to read it and kind of mock me 'oh yeah Morgen, go to school, get good grades and stay in the rat race forever, brb going to go to my lame ass fast food job'
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2008
  23. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I love makeup, I love dressing up. I have since I was like two (I used to make my poor brother dress up too). For the most part, three to four days a week was: get up at five, get to work at five thirty (am) work till eleven, go to school until four, go to other job until about ten, get home, do homework and sleep. On days where I only worked one job I would chill at home in jeans/Tshirt or whatever,and do my homework, cook, clean, etc. I always had Sat night off and all day Sunday, when I would go out with my friends. I understand now that I have more perspective that he felt weird around my friends b/c he was so much older (six years when I was 18) than we were, but he never offered to go out with just me to really do anything. He didn't really like to leave the house. Hence whenever he saw me getting sessy it was to leave him for several hours, and it drove him nuts. This would have been solved with proper communication on either of our parts, but, live and learn.
     

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