SRS What's wrong with me?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by hurleyint1386, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    So I was with this girl for 2 years. I loved her more than life itself. I can't stand why I would do this, but in September, I cheated on her with some girl. A girl I'm not really attracted to in any way. I did it 3 times, and after each time, I felt like dying. Last week, she found out, and I lied to her and told her I didn't do anything. I had finally convinced her that I didn't do anything, then just a few days ago, the girl I did stuff with, confessed to her, and my girlfriend talked to her, and knew I was lying. I finally admitted it, and I can't stand it. I haven't eaten in 2 days, and I can't bare to look at anything because everything around me reminds me of her. How could I do something so horrible to someone I love so much? I wanted to spend my entire life with her, and yet I screwed it up. I don't know what was going through my head. There's something wrong with me, and I want to fix it. What's wrong with me?
     
  2. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    howd she find out so much later? its eben like 5 months!
     
  3. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    You are probably young and gave in to temptation.
     
  4. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    If you do something 3 times that usually means you like it. The first and second time if forgivable, but the third is what makes me wonder what you liked about it.
     
  5. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    The girl I did things with told one of her friends a few months ago, and that person knew my girlfriends room mates sister.

    I'm 22 years old. I don't know what was so tempting, though. The girl wasn't all that attractive. Was it just because I knew I could? I have no idea why I would do such a thing.

    I only did it 3 times, and I never want to do it again. I told the girl that I never want to talk to her again and that I regret everything I've ever done with her because I truly do. I can't stomach the thought of what I've done.
     
  6. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    It was something easy and tempting. You're will power couldn't hold you back from it. It's kind of like being on a diet. That McDonalds burger and fries sound so good, but at the same time, if you do splurge for it you'll ruin all the hard work with eating the right things.
     
  7. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    I just don't understand why I couldn't have just said "No". I ruined something so important to me, and there's no way I will ever be able to get it back. I want to make sure I never make the same mistake again because I can't go through this any more. I'm just in so much pain.
     
  8. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    I think you know what you need to change.
     
  9. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    I know what I need to change. I need to just learn better self control. But I did this once before, and I thought for sure "I'm all done with that. I can't ever do that again" but I did, and this time, it screwed something up even more. A 2 year relationship is down the drain. She keeps calling me crying asking how I could do such a thing and waste a 2 year relationship, and I don't know what to say.
     
  10. SteveYoungblood

    SteveYoungblood New Member

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    I put those parts in bold because I feel it's important to point out the irrelevancy of those remarks. Even if the other girl was the smoking hot girl of your dreams in every way, you say you loved your girlfriend "more than life itself." You throw in the "she wasn't even that attractive" bit to make yourself feel worse about it. Then, you mention the "I only did it 3 times" bit to acknowledge that you recognized the error of your ways, which is a rationalization technique.

    All of that doesn't matter. At the end of the day, you screwed up big. You know that you screwed up big. In order to grow as a person, you need to ask the hard questions. Don't focus on what you did, but why you did it. There are any number of reasons. Maybe sub-consciously you weren't as happy as you thought in your relationship. Maybe you feared commitment. Perhaps you come from a troubled past where you're used to some level of strife in your life, and since this girl was so great that she took you away from it, you needed to sabotage it. Who knows? I certainly don't, as there's little to work with here. Only you (perhaps with counseling) can get to the heart of the matter.
     
  11. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    how did you even get in a situation where you could have cheated? was it premeditated or was it making out in a drunken stupor?
     
  12. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    While I was with her, I felt like there were so many things wrong with our relationship. I thought that she wanted too much of me. I had to do everything the exact way she wanted me to. Some times I couldn't take it any more and would get mad at her, but now that I look back on it, I don't care any more. I'd give anything to have her nag me about things she wants, as long as I was with her again.
     
  13. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    She would send me messages, and things would just evolve, and next thing I know, we were meeting somewhere.
     
  14. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    wow...

    well it sounds like you made your bed, and you should lie in it.

    you did something really REALLY shitty, and you SHOULD feel bad about it. she was right to break up with you. you should do her a favor and leave her the hell alone, and take this as a lesson learned for your next relationship.
     
  15. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    I already feel shitty about it. She keeps calling me because she doesn't want it over, but it has to be. Last night I saw her to pick up some of my things, and she said "I don't want you to leave, but you have to" then as I was walking out, she told me to wait because she didn't want me to leave yet.
     
  16. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    I mean did she not put out or something?
     
  17. hurleyint1386

    hurleyint1386 Someone has sand in their vagina

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    That's not it. She was always willing.
     
  18. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Loving this girl more than your own life is an under statement.. why? because if you truly did you would have the RESPECT to have NEVER done that BS to her.. of course you feel bad about what you've done ALL 3 times.. its one thing to do it once, feel horrible and never do it again but you did it 2 more times and felt the same way but yet you let the temptation get the best of you.. let alone, someone you weren't that attracted to shows me that you probably just wanted some action and you probably weren't getting enough from your girl ( I sure hope shes your EX )..

    I'm not going to tell you that you screwed up and to learn from this and move on.. if anything, that you TRIED to LIE to your girlfriend about it and then had to come clean because the other girl confessed to her.. you get NO sympathy from me..

    If you felt truly "sorry" and "horrible", you would've never let it HAPPEN the second and third time... Just imagine, you weren't even going to tell the poor girl anything and you two would be living in a lie of a relationship.


    You're pissed off and feel sooo horrible because bottom line is, you didn't expect for your girlfriend to ever find out what you did.. you thought you could go on and on and now you're embarrased probably ONE because she wasn't all that attractive ( you probably feel shame that the girl you end up cheating with isn't even that good looking compared to your current SO ) and two, the shame you have to feel that you got caught not once but twice... uhhh, nope, 3 times!

    I sure hope you learned your lesson..

    You and I both know if your girl still didn't know you'd still be living this lie and you'd continue to grow this relationship into the ground...
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2008
  19. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    The answer is simple. You don't really feel the way you think you do. In-fact you've disrespected yourself. Cheating is like selling your soul. You do something to get a particular pleasurable result, but the price you pay costs you everything, including your character.

    Lying compounds the loss of character. You more you lie, the more likely you'll lie in the future, and the more likely you'll compromise yourself becoming less and less, until you end up seeing yourself as worthless.

    It's not her you're sick over. You're sick because you feel guilt and shame, and you're sick because you know that this behavior and this type of pattern will lead to you not liking yourself, until you eventually begin hating yourself.

    The answer is simple once again. You were more interested in yourself: what you wanted and figured you could have your cake and eat it too. You figured you could get away with it, otherwise you wouldn't have lied.

    You have to take full responsibility and admit these things, else you will suffer for a long time as a result of this.

    You compromised your character. Nothing in the world matters if you lose that. You could have money, sex, drugs, a good reputation, and all the friends in the world but if you lack character, you'll hate yourself inside, and it'll haunt you in your bed at night, and in the end, unless you accept responsibility and reclaim your character the world will end up hating you too.

    Admit to what you did, confess it to yourself, and accept the consequences of your action. You lost her, and yourself because you chose to cheat. She probably won't forget or forgive, but you'll have to forgive yourself and start over with a new day tomorrow.

    The pain and suffering is the price you pay. Accept it, experience it, and do your time like a prisoner, then forgive yourself and resolve to not ever do this to yourself again. It's you that you hurt the most. Once you paid your due, let it go -- you're a human being, you'll make some really stupid decisions in this life, I can assure you.
     
  20. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    And that's exactly why you made the choices you did. Unconsciously, you were fed up, and rather than be honest and tell the truth you rationalized it, and suppressed the feelings you had about the struggles you were having with her.

    You behaved the way you did, because you just didn't care. You want to care, and you want to be with her on a conscious level, but the truth is, you only care because of your loss, not hers, and your loss has little to do with her.

    If you didn't get caught, you would still feel like a piece of shit, it's just that it would become chronic rather than this acute climax you're experiencing now. You have to admit the truth to yourself, else you create your own prison. You just didn't feel good in that relationship, and it was dying anyway.
     
  21. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    A) I disagree that you loved her more than life itself. You likely loved the idea of her but I seriously question that you loved her.....hell you prolly didn't even like her.....your current/ex g/f.

    B) How could you do this? Well you made a choice. Stop acting like you didn't have a choice here. Your tone is one of a victim....like a whiney little cry baby. "Oh poor me, I just can't help myself! When she text'd me, my dick got hard so I had to go see her. Then it just took over and I couldn't help but fuck her on 3 different occasions." Stop bullshiting us. I'd seriously have much more respect for you if you weren't being such a victim here.

    You made a conscious choice on 3 different occasions. This is not some random drunk act where you do something you regret when sober. This is a pattern.

    The sooner you stop BSing everyone here and yourself, the sooner you'll start getting to the reason. The reason likely is, you got off on the excitement of doing something that you know is wrong. It's very common. But seriously, stop acting like you didn't have a choice.

    You took steps to make this happen. When she sent you a text, you could have easily responded with, "I'm in a relationship...please stop". THen block her if she persists. When she's talking about meeting her you could have said, "I don't think that's appropriate, I'm in a relationship." When fucking was being discussed you could have said, "You know, this has gone further than I would have liked, I'm in a relationship and I need to leave...alone."

    My point is....there are many lines you crossed along the way. You kept crossing them and escalating the interactions until you cheated. Not only did you do this once, you repeated it many times. So don't sit here and act like this shit "JUst happened" when you know that's a lie to make yourself feel better.

    You fucked over someone that loved you. You took someone's trust and stomped on it. You should feel guilty. It's a shitty thing to do to someone.

    However, you are obviously too selfish and self centered to think about the consequences of your actions. You simply wanted what you wanted, when you wanted it. So you went out and got it.....3 times. You know....that is very similar behavior to spoiled kids. Either grow up and out of this behavior or you're doomed to repeat it......but perhaps you've already realized that and have accepted that part of you.

    I don't think you'll change.....most cheaters don't and instead find partners that simply believe all the bullshit you shovel. Good for your g/f for dumping your ass.
     
  22. willdawg69

    willdawg69 Guest

    Ok first off you DID FUCK UP! You should feel like shit. Now I belive there could be one of 2 reasons you cheated. First you weren't as happy as you THINK you were. Right now your looking back and shining a bright light on the bad situations and they don't seem that bad to you anymore. This is normal. Most people do this after a break up espescially a bad one. Give it time your view might change. Second reason may be a lack of experience. Your young and have been in a relationship for a while. Meaning you may have curiousities from not being with alot of diffrent women.This makes temptation much harder to resist. Maybe you need to play the single life for a bit so you will appreciate a loving, faithful relationship a little more.
     
  23. doggystylin

    doggystylin New Member

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    Acceptance is such a hard thing, that's all I have to say.
     

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