SRS Whats up with me? v relationships, I think im breaking mine

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by TwistedMind, Oct 16, 2009.

  1. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

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    So ive been with my gf for going on a year and a half now and for the most part things are awesome.

    Anyways in the last year and a half I can count our fights on one hand.

    The fights arent a real problem for me, and I think thats part of a real problem I have.

    I grew up in a very fucked up enviroment and I am very confrontational person.

    So, anyways we go like two or 3 months without any issues then we have an argument, it's small and insignificant no reason what so ever that it should be more than, well I disagree with that and move on.

    For some fucked up reason i push this shit and I don't know why. Ill argue and argue and push until we have a full blown fight going on. Shes always saying not to worry about the fights, I put up with her shit she can put up with mine. However, I really dont see her continuing to stay with me if I don't change this trait of mine.

    I love her to death and im terrified that sooner rather than later shes going to say fuck this shit and drop me like a bad habit.

    Any ideas? I probably need a shrink but I can't afford that and even if I could if I went to one my career would be completly fucked.

    Probably not going to get alot of help here because I probably do have a mental problem but, I suppose it never hurts to ask.
     
  2. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    What do you mean by fucked up environment? What was your childhood like?
     
  3. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

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    Punishment typically consisted of being hit with whatever was handy. :rofl:

    Ive been hit with 2x4's, shovels, belts, coat hangers, etc etc, not just one good lick either mind you. My dad was nothing if not thorough, im talking hit until he didn't want to or couldn't swing whatever it was anymore. Hes shot at me (yes with a gun), beaten me up fisticuffs style etc. Very verbally abusive to me my mom bro sis, he was known to throw plates full of food in my moms face if it had to much or not enough salt etc etc etc. Typical cry me a river bullshit.

    Anyways, what makes me think I have a problem other than the fact that I instigate these fights over the dumbest shit that like I said earlier should never have gotten past a wooptie doo, or okay I disagree; is that when it's all said and done shes usually crying and I feel absolutly nothing.

    I know im wrong, I know I hurt her feelings but I don't feel guilty, or sad, or anything really.

    I do not, nor would I ever hit her, or throw nothing at her, its just verbal shit that gets way out of hand on account of me.
     
  4. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

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    I don't really want to get into my childhood. Can't you recommend a book or something I could read?
     
  5. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    You might end up just like your dad. Is this your first GF? If you love her, and she leaves you one day, you'll be heartbroken. Hopefully you'll analyze what you did wrong (act like your dad) and you'll put and end to that behavior in order to no lose the next girl. Or you can spend lots of $ and see a therapist.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You were severly traumatized in childhood, and formative traumas like these reveal themselves most clearly in our relationships.

    You can already see it take hold when you go down this path and can't quite seem to stop yourself.

    There is nothing really that you could read for this. Reading may give you plenty of insight as to why, but your intellectual mind won't able to curb your behaviour.
    If you could, you'd be able to curb yourself now.

    Instead, you force the issues, which itself is a reliving of past traumas, and don't stop until you've reduced her to tears.
    At which point you feel nothing, emotionally numb. Only later do you reflect and regret your actions.

    I strongly advise you to see a therapist -- I recommend a family therapist or counsellor, not a psychiatrist.
    Your kinds of cases need mostly talk therapy, not medication.

    Try to do this. For yourself, and for your future relationships.

    If you force this girl away, you'll end up constructing the same relational situation with the next one. And the next one. And the next one.
    Most people don't wise up until plenty of heartache, and plenty of wasted years.

    Beat the curve. Go to a therapist now. Ignore the "excuses"..I can't afford, I don't have time, what if people know, where do I go...etc.

    If you have a family doctor, start there. Talk to him/her and ask for a referral to a family therapist.
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    can you afford to go out to dinner once a week? to buy coffee in the morning before work? those couple beers on friday night? etc etc. It costs me $20 to go see my therapist, and i would easily give up a meal out once a week, coffee in the morning for a few days or a couple beers to go see her. its worth it and not expensive

    and why would your career be fucked?
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    I hate when people make excuses that they can't afford a therapist.

    Almost always if I looked at their expenses I see quickly the useless things they could cut out to get them in within a month.
     
  9. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    This is excellent advice!! You need to do this before your relationship patterns get cemented and before you lose this girl. You are hurting her emotionally and changing how she sees you. DO NOT WAIT TO GET HELP!!!!:noes:
     
  10. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    I don't think you're fucked up. You just seem like you have anger issues. Perhaps a local anger management class. I went to one (court ordered) because when I was younger I had a short fuse and was constantly getting into fist fights.

    The best thing it did for me was to pay attention to things that triggered my anger. It was pretty effective for me, in that when I felt the trigger building, I was able to minimize the situation and handle it without the blow up.

    Just an idea.
     
  11. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

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    No not my first, there have been several all lasting between 1 and 3 years. I'm 28 now.

    My employment requires a intensive back ground screen think law enforcement. Any kind of mental health issues will red flag me in a heart beat.

    Ive had lots of heart ache which is why I want to put and end to this crap now. Any ways to see a therapist and not have my name on a file anywhere?
     
  12. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    There's gotta be. Are you sure just seeing a regular therapist will even show up? I know that sometimes jobs in law enforcement/fire rescue/EMS takes big toll of stress on on the workers and they have hotlines and therapists for these people to go talk to. I don't see how going to a therapist on your own would in any way disqualify you.
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    seeing a therapist is supposed to be 100% confidential, i dont see how anyone could find out by doing a background check.

    but if you are seriously worried about that, find a therapist and give them a call and talk to them about your concerns of being found out
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:
     
  15. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I just got hired by our local police department. Still waiting for an academy, but they have already concluded the background investigation. I don't see how there is any possible way for them to find out that you talked to a therapist, and even if they did, they wouldn't know why you went to a therapist unless you told them. I saw a therapist for about a year and they never said anything about it. You're basically just paying a business for services. Unless you start saying crazy shit that the therapist is forced to report to a hospital, then they can't find out.

    As for a book to read, check out the book "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. Not every aspect of that book is for you, because I don't think you're abusive or anything like that, but that book has hundreds of argument scenarios with detailed analysis that I think is relevant to your situation. It could at least give you a different perspective.

    That being said, no book will help you as much as a therapist could.
     

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