SRS what's the right amount of "space?"

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cbhaga01, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. cbhaga01

    cbhaga01 New Member

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    Here's the situation:

    I've been talking to this girl for around 4 months now. Just a couple of weeks ago, we finally came clean about our feelings towards each other, and it turns out we're both crazy about one another. We made plans to hang out one night (she lives about two hours away right now, which is a problem that'll be remedied in August.) We met up, went to dinner, laid around & watched movies, it was great. The night day I ended up snowed in, so I decided to spend another night. We hung out again all day, again, great. But that night she decided she wanted to drunk, which I had no problem with. Well, we got pretty smashed, and the next thing I knew, we were fooling around. Afterwards, she acted very, very strange, and said she needed to leave (telling me nothing was wrong, she just didn't want her roommate to feel weird when she woke up cause they were leaving for spring break the next morning.) She calls me when she wakes up, tells me that she felt weird about what happened the night before, and needed some space. We haven't talked since.

    While this may sound somewhat miniscule, the fact that she's a virgin in almost every sense of the word plays a big part in the situation. She told me she didn't think it was anything that would end whatever we have, though. And compared to why some of her other relationships ended (one guy was gay, another was abusive, another an asshole for two months), I don't think what happened was that big a deal. But how long should I wait to talk to her again? It'll be a week on Saturday. She's been on vacation with her family so I've refrained from trying to contact her, cause of the "space" thing. Any suggestions?
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    No reason not to talk to her, you actually have all the more reason to talk to her. Emotionally i think she's not ready for sex, i think that her big issue is not having any experience, so it must still be quite a border for her before she is ready. Just keep playing your game, but increase the communication about her uneasyness about sex n all.
     
  3. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Give her as much space as you can physically, otherwise keep the relationship going.
     
  4. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Glad to hear it.

    It's called "Morning regret." When a male closes the deal too quickly, without having made the female feel comfortable enough in the early stage of the relationship, this can often be the result.

    To improve this requires giving the person some space, but also returning to a place of relaxing.

    This regret can also come as a result of red-flag, meaning guilt.

    I would call and be gentle. I wouldn't bring the issue up, nor would I try to "fix" it. I would not give her advice, and I'd simply treat her as a friend and try to induce comfort. If she wants to talk, I'd listen without judgment or attempting to intervene with advice or comments. I would probably just say "I understand, it's unfortunate you felt that way with me, and I'll go slower and be more aware from now on."

    Often this is a test, to see how fast you're willing to "give up" when she pushes you away, even if it began with sincere discomfort, regret, or guilt. So pass the test by being persistent, but gentle.

    Hope my information is helpful. Best wishes to you
     
  5. cbhaga01

    cbhaga01 New Member

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    Oh damn. That was great, thanks!!
     

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