whats the deal with my g/f v. shes insecure

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by kazimer, Sep 21, 2006.

  1. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    background info can be skipped, but i like to be thorough :hs:
    anyways we spent several months texting each other before we actually met and eventually started dating. she lived about 1.5 hours away by highspeed train so we only saw each other when she wasnt working as she has childhood friends from russia that live in my area

    things are great when we are with each other, but when she had to go back to her city, she would become borderline psycho.

    1. she will constantly question whether or not i like her.

    2. if we are texting each other and i take too long to respond she will get upset and accuse me of having another girl and i am playing with her emotions

    3. if i mention another female, even if its a clerk at a store she will get jealous and ask if they hit on me, did i flirt with them.

    4. she will constantly wonder why i like her despite all of her "problems". she always feels that she doesnt measure up to me and i deserve better.

    5. when she gets drunk she will pull all of this stuff when we are out with our friends. the ones that have known her for the past 10-15 years always pull me aside and let tell me that my g/f really likes me and never stops talking about me, and only acts that way because she feels i can do better.

    i am a calm, easygoing guy and i usually rectify the situation by explaining to her that i only want to be with her etc etc.

    ever since i called her out on this erratic behaviour she has significantly cut back on it. she also calls the very next day and apologizes for like 20 min about her behaviour

    her now exhusband received orders last month to return to the states and she had to go as well because she was living on a spouse Visa. we decided to stay together and try the long distance thing because i return to the states in february next year

    we talk on the phone twice a day for about an hour each time and i am going to visit the states in november so we will see each other for about 10 days. i know she will take a step back in time when i have to return to korea and she will become erratic again for a few weeks

    is this one of those things that will gradually fade away or does she have to forgive her father completely before she can fully trust someone with her heart and actually love them (she told me she never loved her husband and he never loved her :eek3: )

    what can i do to help her with these insecurities? im not in the business of abandoning people or giving up on them because they have issues in their life.

    help? :hsd:
     
  2. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Run. Seriously.
     
  3. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    wow thanks for the great response. i sat here reading it over and over, pondering whether or not i would want to go through with this. my signs point to yes, but im not sure which part of me is thinking. the head or the heart :hs: i guess in a way all relationships can have similar consequences of being completely hurt and let down.

    i honestly never thought about counseling but it makes sense because a professional at this can touch on certain things as a neutral party plus they would know how to deal with it.

    it really sucks we are a 22 hour flight away from each other, the constant telephone conversations seem to help out alot when she is going through an "episode"

    thanks again :bigthumb:
     
  4. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    You need to search the Internet for stories of Russian women using American men to bring them to North America and then twisting their balls off and owning them in every possible way. You are in very dangerous territory.
     
  5. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    :eek3:
    every person and situation is different :run: [/lovesick denial]
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    You can't change her.

    You could maybe help her to understand where these feelings come from and why she has them, but probably not. Most likely she would become very defensive and never let you in.

    Your choice is this: accept her for who she is and be with her, or break up with her.

    Its your life and your choice.
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    This strikes me as a scam, and the OP as a sucker.

    Why would any normal guy want to be with a woman like that? Are you going to be her therapist? Do you need to be the "Knight in Shining Armor?" Why not meet a nice normal woman close to where you live and have HER be good to you. It seems to me that you are picking the "low hanging fruit" of women. Maybe this means you should take some time to practice being social and friendly with normal women, in normal circustances, in normal places.

    Picking a severely mentally disturbed woman to try and have a relationship with will only pervert your understanding of (already confusing!) women, to the point that you may have a much more difficult time with the next real woman you meet.

    I'd stay away. 15 years ago, I would have tried to "save" her. Amazing what being around good women can do to your outlook. I know a stunning beautiful blonde woman, but she's NUTS. There is nothing you can do to make me want to be with her. Fuck her? Sure. Date her? Never.

    There's an old quote that goes something like "Be careful who you marry. Your future wife will have a large impact on your success and finances. You will either marry the golden egg, or the goose egg. Don't marry a goose egg."

    Be careful.
     
  8. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    maybe i am too sleepy, but i am not really following what you just said.
    normal women? normal circumstances? whats your definition of that?

    close is relative here..depending on your mode of transportation...it can take 1.5 hours to go 20 or 250 miles. plus i live within earshot of north korea. you have to travel that 1.5 hours to find anyone thats not a farmer

    you speak as if this is the first woman i have ever touched

    what do you consider a good woman?
    other than her constant fear of me cheating on her, she is great and treats me well, encourages and supports me to better myself mentally, physically, and professionally.

    maybe i am looking through a tainted piece of glass but i definitely dont think she is a horrible person
     
  9. SeaMack99

    SeaMack99 OT Supporter

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    dude you need to get out asap. I don't post here much but trust me....My wife is the same way and it only gets worse. She sometimes questions my morning wood....run for your sanity
     
  10. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    :eek3:
    WTF that sucks dude. how do you deal with it? does she realize she is psycho?
     
  11. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    To the original poster,

    What PocoDiablo is trying to say is you're pretty much "taking what got you" and not "taking what you can get".

    Being physcho and having emotional breakdowns is not being good to you.
    Being physcho and questioning any act with other females is not being good to you.
    Being 22 hours away by plane flight is not being good to you.

    Why does she not have a divorce yet? Why did she go back with her ex? Don't give me that VISA bullshit, you obviously have an american visa / residency you can take her there with that. Or why doesn't she go live with you in north korea?

    What does she do financially? This woman sounds like she has no history of higher education just because of the facts, splurging money off of you for life is not being good to you.

    Like Style said, this is A LOT of baggage, and by that A fucking lot . Three years from now things could go wrong, and believe me you will regret it 5 times more if she sapped you dry and warped your head.
     
  12. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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  13. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    she hasnt gotten the divorce because he refused to sign the papers, i sat through the conversations with him on this matter. it just hit one year where she can file for a divorce due to abandonment, but there is also the property issue. his name is legally on both cars so he is trying to keep them. since he fucked up many times and its documented, she will get the car if she takes the long route on the divorce.

    i guess you have no concept of the SPOUSE VISA and the conditions she was living here. i dont have a VISA because the ex-husband and i work for the same employer :mamoru: . in order to change VISA status you have to leave the country. Additionally i live in an isolated hardship duty location. meaning no spouses, not even to officers so she cant move in with me. from the conditions i read about her green card, staying here and not being married to a soldier on orders would make the card null and void and she would lose it. also she wants to begin a career in the states so she is living with a mutual friend of ours until i return.

    she was an english teacher here in korea for that last 4 years. she has a BA in Accounting from a University in Russia, ive seen the diploma with my own eyes. i also sat and watched her teach English classes. Also MANY americans and australians who have lame college degrees come here to teach english because you can make about 30-40K/year doing the easiest job in the world.

    also are you saying that an emotional breakdown can be controlled/suppressed by the individual?

    also many military wives are unemployed, its the nature of our lifestyle and jobs. since i am an officer the number of housewives quadruples because of the whole status thing blah blah. my mom is pretty much a housewife. she has 2 college degrees but only worked parttime our entire lives. does that mean she is being horrible to my father?
     
  14. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    We're just trying to say, it's your choice but if it goes bad it's going to suck worse.

    I do know how visa's work for canada and us :p But that makes sense, about the divorce if they didn't sign a prenup he wont be getting away with taking everything.

    Housewives are not bad I'm more preferable to a non house wife personally.

    Either way, it's your choice how to help is just time, time time.. try as hard as you can to just move in together because until then she'll always be questioning stuff..

    Goodluck whatever you choose.
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    why would you do this to yourself?

    you can find better
     
  16. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    thanks for the responses :cool:
    im going to play with fire and NOT run away
    dont be surprised if i make a "woe is me thread" down the road :hsd:
     
  17. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    i guess im a glutton for punishment:sadwavey:
     
  18. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    I think you have low self esteem. Better work on that, or you're in for a world of hurt.
     
  19. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    explain?

    i havent talked much about myself (as in my personality or how i feel about myself) in this thread
     
  20. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    a person with high self esteem would not put up with this behavior. Her antics are completely unnacceptable.
     
  21. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    i dont see how that correlates to self esteem. i guess its because my father chose to stay w/ my mom and she has clinical depression. some people choose to cut and run because they dont want to deal with it.

    at the end of the day you weigh out the good and bad. my gfs good qualities far exceed her negative ones. she has practically everything i want out of a lover, a large majority of the women i dated in the past didnt come close, so i dropped them w/o hesitation. i would be a fool to believe there are women out there who have 0 issues and hang ups. it also seems to be the trend to be with someone until something better comes along, but when/where does that routine stop?


    so all of you that are saying i have low self esteem and etc.
    how exactly would you handle this (keeping in mind she meets your stringent criteria)? starting at the first occurrence of her insecurity

    additonally what is it you all want out of relationships? maybe we have different views on what we want
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2006
  22. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    you're obviously not listening to any of our advice here, if you were just looking to ease your satisfaction of dating a physcho bitch you could have asked.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i don't have experience with pscyho behavior like this to draw on for advice. good luck :x:
     
  24. kazimer

    kazimer New Member

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    Style was the only one who actually answered the question i was asking and this was despite him saying he wouldnt endure aanything like that himself. Seamack came close to answering

    everything else was a "pull out dude, its not worth it" type of response. or it was a judgement call on her education and my self esteem
    if i really wanted to hear that over and over i would have posted this in the main forum
     
  25. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Our advice to pull out comes from a lot of experience qualifying women. I've done a fuckton of approaches, and most of them don't last very long. Why? Because I qualify heavily, and most of the time the women are not what I am looking for. Why waste time?
     

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