SRS what's my place as a roommate

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by zooenthusiast, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    My roommate is not going to classes, and she had to withdraw last semester because of it. She's on probation and if she doesn't get her shit together she will be kicked out. She is having some family issues, which is why they let her withdraw instead of just failing (her dad is dying), but school isn't even a week in and she's already missing classes.

    I care about her so I don't want to see her fail, but I'm not her mother. I try to motivate her and I try to encourage her, but I don't know if there's something else I can do. It's hard enough keeping myself motivated and dealing with my own issues without having to deal with her's.

    So I guess basically, what should I do? I think I'll feel guilty for not saying anything. Should I try to have an intervention with her and if that doesn't work then just let it go maybe?
     
  2. Seadee456

    Seadee456 New Member

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    You have to get to the bottom of what's bothering her. Maybe she still has family problems. Try to talk to her about that. I know my senior year in college, my roomate was playing World of Warcraft 24/7. It got to the point to where he would play all night and sleep all day. It was our last semester and I didn't want to see him fail out so I took the initiative to call Blizzard and cancel his subscription. He hated me at first and he's only now starting to understand. It's been over a year.
     
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Roommate? You stay out of her life unless she specifically asks for help AND you have been great friends for a long time.

    If she's dragging you down, I'd suggest you take one more step back... It's not your job to save the world, especially if you haven't taken care of yourself first.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I've been there somewhat...my roommate got himself into academic issues because he wouldnt go to classes and would just play video games, or put off papers to play...he'd end up getting extension after extension for his papers.

    Eventually, I realized, I'm not his parent. It's not my place to control his life. The most I could do was keep my Xbox and PS2 out of the room (that in itself was annoying, knowing I couldn't keep a game console in my room because my roommate would get addicted and want to play constantly).

    Unless you've known her forever, realize that in a couple of years, or even a year if you change roommates next year...you won't really see her again.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Roommates, huh? I think its perfectly ok to express concern, and to suggest she go to Student Health Services.

    You can't fix her problems, nor should you really try beyond suggesting she head on down to the fine people at Student Health.

    It's a hopeless task for you to act as a "therapist" and it'll become draining without reward. Worse still if she really leans into you, you'll become distracted from your own studies and start dreading seeing her.
    Or maybe she'll give it up and oops...I'm pregnant. All sorts of unfavorable scenarios.

    Anyways, offer some concern, and suggest SHS. Beyond that....keep focused on why you're there.
     
  6. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Blizzard killed his account for you? WoW what did you tell them?
     
  7. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I guess I have a different view. I think you should intervene. Not force her, but just express concern. I did for my roommate. He had missed a few classes because of a sleep schedule and i talked to him about it and made sure that he worked it out so that he wouldn't ocntinue doing it.

    If they don't want to listen, don't force them. But I think you should definately step a foot in the problem.
     
  8. PanzerAce

    PanzerAce Active Member

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    I am in a similar situation with my roomie. Last semester he failed all of his classes (well, got a D- in one), and seems to be on track to repeat it. Honestly, we tried reaching out to him, but we gave up when he started acting like a dick towards all of us. Needless to say, there will be a different person there next year.
     
  9. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    Did ya'll miss the part about her dad is dying? I mean basically school is not important to her at the moment... and I don't blame her.

    zooenthusiast, have you ever had someone close to you slowly die in front of your eyes? Who said you should make her problems your own? I'd say realize that her dad dying is more important then some Poly Sci class and worry about yourself. Tell her that you are there for her, be empathetic and not sympathetic... Colleges understand about personal problmes such as your room mates, and they will work with her. Policy or not, there are always exceptions to the rules.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2007
  10. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Well, I think that you should just sit down at dinner or something and have a casual conversation and then try to get her to open up. Make sure she knows that she can trust you. Share something very deep that you have done or that has happened to you. Then it might make her realize that you trust her so she can trust you!

    It doesn't matter if she is a roommate or a friend. You have to interact with her. It doesn't hurt to try to help someone!

    If you try and she doesn't want your help then all you can do is sit back and watch her fail(this semester).
     
  11. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Her Dad is dying. End of story. Nothing else matters to her- nor should it. She can't even think straight right now let alone pay attention in class. I was in the same position you're in, 2 years ago when my boyfriend's Mom was dying. My boyfriend dropped out of school and went back later. it hasn't been until the past 6 months that he's even started talking about her. I knew another girl who's mom was dying and after she passed away, the girl literally laid on the couch for 4 months and watched tv. then one day she got up and applied to grad school.

    When someone close to you is dying, it's a lot to take in all at once. some people shut down for a while until they can process it all, and then they can move forward. everyone deals with it differently.

    Yes, you should show concern- but not over school. She can always go back to school, but she is about to lose her Dad forever. School can wait. Advise her to talk to her academic adviser and talk about withdrawing again. She should spend as much time with her family as she feels comfortable. don't push, just let her know you're there if she needs you.
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: Let her know you're there for her as a friend if she needs someone to talk to. You also might want to suggest that she talk to a counselor at school about withdrawing again if she's not gonna go to class. She'd be better off withdrawing now and going back when she's ready instead of just failing everything.
     
  13. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Nope.

    You have to make sure YOU are taken care of...if you can help her, great, but if doing that affects your school at all then avoid her like the plague. She's going down in a fiery blaze..........make sure she doesn't take you with her.
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Remind yourself why you pay tuition. Pretty sure it wasn't so you could become a pale therapist for this girl.

    And its not disrespect to her that you refuse this.

    She should get REAL care, from a real therapist.
    Which starts by her walking her ass down to Student Health Services on campus.
    You can walk with her. You can offer a shoulder to lean on.

    Otherwise....stay focused on your own path. You can't offer her real therapy, so don't try. It wastes her time, and yours too.

    You know what I mean...those daily excruciating 6 hour long consolation sessions that seem to go nowhere. Because consolation alone will not fix her issues.

    you cannot sustain that, nor will it really help ultimately,so it's better not to get into it in the first place.
     

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