Whats her problem?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by the ground folds, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    I posted this in the asylum but im not sure if thats where it should be posted. Well either way, hopefully i can get some feedback here too.

    Okay, I'm not sure how long this is gonna end up being and I've never actually posted this much about a relationship online so I'm not sure how all this is going to sound. I'll give a little background of the story before i really get into what im asking here.

    So, im a 23 year old male who had 2 serious relationships prior to my relationship with this girl. Shes a 21 year old female who had 1 serious relationship that was on and off for 3 years. This was a pretty bad relationship for her where she constantly walked all over the guy. I've had my fair share of relationship bullshit and drama so i have some pretty thick skin now. So we were together for a year in a relationship that was much different from the past relationships that i have had.

    So in January i took a break from her which may have come off as a surprise to her. There weren't any problems between us at the time so it probably did blindside her. I wasn't unhappy with the relationship but i was really overwhelmed with life. My mom was seriously sick and i have always had my fair share of problems at home. So i took a break from her cause i didn't feel like i could handle it. I can tell when this happens that she is pretty hurt by it.

    So almost a month goes by and we don't talk. She texts me on valentines day saying, "i know you are the guy for me." I wasn't really sure how to respond to this so i didn't. But i called her a few days after and we had a pretty good conversation. Over the next few months we talk a couple times a month and the conversations usually resulted in her telling me she misses me and so on. She was the one that was initiating the conversations 80% of the time, i wasn't calling her.

    So summer comes around and shes gonna be home for the next 3 months. We talked right before she came home and i wasn't really sure what i wanted out of her at the time. So a month goes by and we only talked once. I actually started dating someone else at the time but she didn't know about it. In August she randomly texts me and tells me that shes seeing someone. I'll admit that it bothered me and i didn't really know how to react so i just texted her "thanks for letting me know."

    So a couple weeks later she calls me and obviously it comes up. So she tells me that she is seeing her ex from the past. Now im really blown out by this. She asks me if i had a girlfriend and i told her no, which i didnt. And i guess i couldve told her that i was dating someone but i didnt. It may sound like bullshit but the reason why i didn't tell her was to protect her feelings. I didn't want her to get worked up over a girl that i wasn't exactly serious about. So she goes on to tell me how she expected the summer to be different for us. She thought that i was gonna be calling and that i was going to try to make things work between us. When i didn't, she ends up hanging out with her ex.

    A couple more weeks go by until she calls again. Basically the conversation goes as always. She tells me that she wants to start something up again. Then, she asks me if i was dating someone or had a gf and i said no. I wasn't dating the previous girl anymore. Then she goes on to say that she doesn't believe that i haven't fucked anyone since we broke up. I'm really not one to lie so i told her that i have. She gets pissed off blows up and hangs up.

    So over the next few months we only exchange a couple of text. The big ones were about me moving. I basically told her a few days before i was actually moving that i was movin 400 miles away. She didn't really say much at this point. A month later we talk and she basically expresses how she feels about me moving. She goes on to say how hard the last year has been for her and that shes had trouble moving forward. So we exchange a lot of feelings and emotions about what we have gone through and felt during the break up time. It gets pretty intense and well, being the person she is she brings up me sleeping with a girl. So in her mind she thinks i slept with a random girl in response to her seeing someone.

    So i told her that i was dating someone during the summer but i wasn't when she asked if i was dating someone. And the time she asked before that was if i had a gf and i didn't. Once again she proceeds to blow up about how i didn't tell her and so on. For me, i didn't lie to her about it, but i dont know if she sees it that way.

    So i guess what i'm basically wondering is, why does she always get really mad, really easily? I'm not asking about if i should stick this one out or try to get back with her. Cause those aren't questions that i ask myself. I do care deeply for the girl and i know at a different time and different place things may be different but definitely not now.

    Some small tidbits, she admits that she gets mad easily when it comes to things between us. She also says how we seem to push each other back and forth and i can see that its leading to us both getting closer to that breaking point. She always classifies me as that different guy because i'm the first guy that she hasn't walked all over and that i actually give her that balance.

    Cliffs- With a girl for a year, broke up earlier this year. Talk over the past year once or twice a month. I was dating someone in summer and so was she. I never told her i was dating someone. She blows up when i tell her i slept with someone. Months later she asks me about it and blows up again because i told her i was actually dating someone in the summer. She ends up getting really mad. I dont get why.
     
  2. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    yea i never tell ex's im dating someone.

    lol she was fucking an Ex. so i dont konw why she thinks she can be pissed.

    I dont know why she would blow up; you just wanted to protect her feelings. She was taken at the time anyway.

    She gets mad because she prolly wants you. The diff time diff place thing doesnt really work; it just means you want to fuck other girls but think shes really sweet. Sucks for her; and if you really mean that it will suck for you until you find someone you really want to be with.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2007
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    This is all pretty obvious and understandable to me, but then again, I speak woman. First of all, the two of you care too much what the other does. This is a girl who has admitted she has always had the upper hand in her relationships. She's also narcissistic. Women like this demand and expect that men will kiss the ground they walk on and never dare dream of someone else. This is why she got so upset when you admitted you'd slept with someone since her and immediately assumed it was only to get back at her (she can't bare to accept that you really just had feelings for anothe girl). Point is, she has no right to get upset, hell, she probably was with her ex boyfriend that she had started seeing again.

    It's pretty simple and obvious that the reason neither of you are moving on (her mainly) is because you guys talk to damn much. You can't expect to get over someone when you talk to them at least once a month. You've moved 400 miles away and you said yourself you don't have any intention of being with this girl so why dont you do yourself and her a favor and stop answering her calls. She's only going to keep holding out hope when realy she should be moving on (and you should as well). You can't be "friends" until you are over one another.
     
  4. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    pretty much^^
     
  5. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i get what you are saying and i do agree with you. I do care about the girl a lot. When we talk it is because she calls me, i can go without calling her. But i guess when she starts calling my curiosity gets to me and i just want to see how shes doing. That may have to do with caring for her. I think her problem is that she tells herself that she should move on but she always stops herself. Thats why she always tries to gain contact again and see where im at. And i guess a part of me doesn't want her to move on completely, but if she didnt reach out and call i wouldn't call her. Id let her move on, on her own terms.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well yeah, like I said she keeps calling you because she wants you and your attention, and even though you aren't the one calling you are still curious and answering her calls...so she's gonna keep calling. But really, what's the point? Now you don't even live near her and don't even want a relationship with her. Why not get over her by not answering her calls for awhile giving you both time to move on without each other as backups? Maybe in the future you will talk again when you actually want a relationship from her.
     
  7. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Neither one of you had any right to be mad at the other for dating/fucking someone else. Let's just get that out there in the open, because you BOTH were upset about it.

    This relationship, to use an OT phrase, is full of fail and aids. lol Seriously, you're never going to work, so why bother with the phone calls and talking? All it does is open old wounds and cause drama.

    If I were you, I'd cut her out of my life entirely...this means not answering her phone calls when she DOES call and not replying to texts or emails. Move on and forget about each other--especially since you are moving/have moved.

    Why put yourselves through this for no apparent reason?
     
  8. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i know what you mean, i guess its just harder than i thought it would be.
     
  9. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    some other things i was wondering about. She says we should stop talking for a while yet she is the one that always calls texts. Yet when we talk she acts like im the one who is calling and texting. Do you think its her being in denial over what shes doing or is she trying to place the blame elsewhere so she doesnt look like the person keeping this going. I just think her insecurities make her flip stories sometimes cause she doesn't wanna be known as the weaker party.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well first off, you SHOULD stop talking to one another. The reason she keeps calling and texting though is because she can't help herself. She has feelings for you and most likely it also has to do with the fact that (like I mentioned before) she's slightly narcissistic and doesn't want you to forget her or move on. So yeah, she's in denial.
     
  11. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    a semi update of some sort.

    Well i wanted to be decent so i called her and wished her a merry christmas. Within the first minute she says, "i cant believe you lied to me." I asked her, what? and she says nevermind. So we talk for a short while, she asks if im in town and so on. Then as the convo goes on i ask "do u hate me yet?" and she responds with, "have for a while." At this point i could tell this convo was headed toward an argument if i tried to defend myself for her negative feelings so i cut the convo off and told her i had to go.

    Once again, im not asking how to get her back or anything. Im just asking what people think of what shes saying. Honestly, the reason it bothers me cause i hate the feeling of "resentment" she is giving me , and it does bother me.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Your mistake was calling her. The fact that she wasn't even touched but immediately nagged you within the first minute shows she's still way too caught up in you. You need to stop fucking talking to her man, geez. I know you'll say "but it's the holidays and I thought it would be nice!" or something along those lines but really it is pointless. If you hadn't of called do you think she would have called you to say "merry christmas?" Then again, who cares.

    We've already explained numerous times now why she is acting the way she is, so I don't get how you are still confused :ugh: Stop talking to her and get on with your life.
     
  13. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    well she was touched by it but then she quickly tried to flip the script. I know it was a mistake for calling but i guess i wanted to be the bigger person here. I know it was my fault but i guess a character flaw i have is that i cant stand people being mad at me or having issues with me. So sometimes i try to correct em and so on.

    I know its the same shit over and over, and im not arguing it. Like i said, i guess i hate the feeling of discontent in my relationships/friendships.
     
  14. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    from the situation i'm in now, and have been (sort of) for the last 3 months, i can tell you that this is spot on correct. she knows you two shouldn't talk, but she can't help feeling like talking to you and missing you. besides missing you, she also gets an ego boost from knowing that you miss her, so she's making sure you never get over her by keeping in touch in some way.

    you want closure, but you also want to be the good guy. you don't mind breaking up with this girl because you know it's for the best, but you want her to think highly of you, even after you two are broken up. this is something that i feel about my ex as well. it's partially because you don't like to have unfinished business, but it's also partially because you care about what other people think, and you don't want someone who you really care about to think poorly of you.

    you have to get over this however. sometimes, you have to be the bad guy if it's for the best. and in this case, being the bad guy (even if you didn't do anything wrong) will make it easier for her to get over you, and easier for you to get over her. you this well in your last conversation. keep it up. i know you care about this girl a lot, but you have to let her go, and letting her think what she wants is part of letting her go.
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2007
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb: You got it buddy. Now follow it yourself ;)
     
  16. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    I see it this way;

    You didn't want to try to begin with and then she sees someone and you suddenly care. False feelings.

    She was mad because she wanted you to try for her, and she hasn't come to a point where she's over it yet.

    People make such headaches for themselves.

    It's been said, you won't be friends until you're over one another and she doesn't want to let you get over it. Distance yourself for a while and if the friendship was ever strong enough it'll be OK, if not at least she won't be irritating you anymore.
     
  17. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i didnt try because i took the break from her and i wanted to follow through on it. I had feelings for her but i just thought the break was the best thing at the time.
     

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