what would you feel if you haven't been in a relationship for a long time?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by iiceasy, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. iiceasy

    iiceasy New Member

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    i broke up with my ex-bf more than a year ago and then i am totally single.. i mean i don't even feel interested in anyone.... is that weird? well is it because my ex is my first one?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    How old are you? How long did you two date? Are you not interested in dating because you two had a bad relationship/breakup and aren't dealing with the emotional issues and getting closure?
     
  3. iiceasy

    iiceasy New Member

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    well i am not a little girl
    we were together for two years . it was me who wanted to broke up . well he was always acting like a little kid all the time ,got mad at me , wanted me to spend all the time with him , and never said sorry... i was tired of handling those stuff in the end...
    do you think that i am a little afraid of new relationship or something ?
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Again, how old are you two?

    And yes. It's quite obvious you are just not over something and not allowing yourself to be open to the idea of someone new.
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I haven't been in a conventional relationship for...wow, Jesus...has it been a year and 4 months already? Damn.

    I ended an e-relationship back in Oct though, does that count? I don't think it does. I only met the girl once and we spent a weekend together and it was an open "relationship". Whatever.

    As far as conventional relationships go, it's been a year and 4 months for me.

    How do I feel?

    Hmmm, let me think because I've honestly never really sat down and thought about this, so you are going to get raw, uneditted honesty on this as the first time I've entertained this.

    1. I feel independent. I feel like this is the source of my greatest strength and yet my greatest weakness. Strength because I don't need a woman for anything. I can cook, clean, do my own laundry. I can go out and do what I want. I can have fun. I can sleep around. Date. I have no accountability to no one. Weakness, because I'm starting to believe that women are generally more attracted to men who need them for something. I think this is why they date the losers who are addicted to drugs or alcohol or don't have jobs, whatever. In fact, my ex told me before she left that one of her complaints is that I didn't need her for anything. So in essence, a woman really has nothing to "fix" with me. There's no sense of accomplishment in her taking me and making me into something better because I am already doing that for myself.

    2. Lonely. Mainly at night. I miss having a woman laying next to me in bed. This is interesting to me because I used to HATE sharing the bed with my ex when we were together. I guess you don't really know what you miss until it's gone. During the day I am fine because I keep myself busy and active. But when the lights go off, I admit that I get lonely and miss that part of a relationship.

    Do I want another relationship?

    Yes, and no.

    I miss the security of a relationship. Having someone consistant to share my problems with. Having a warm body to snuggle up to at night. Getting consistent sex when I want it. I miss all that in the worst way...because it's not just loneliness...it's regret. Regret that I took those things for granted. So yes, I want a relationship.

    But no I don't. I don't want to account to someone all the time. I like my freedom. I like being able to do what i want to do when I want to do. I like having money (even though I'm broke, I'm not AS broke as I was when I was married and my money was hers and hers was mine) and spending it on what *I* choose. I like being able to date around if I want. To sleep with whoever I want. To flirt with whoever I want and not worry about some petty jealousy arguement.

    I am scared to death of getting in a relationship. Absolutely petrified. I have gotten nothing but grief and heartache from relationships in the past. I've gotten nothing but hurt. And the idea of taking that risk again scares the shit out of me.

    So, how do I feel?

    Lonely, happy, scared, and free. It's a mixed set of feelings.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I also just realized that last year I had two non-typical "relationships".

    The first one was right out of my marriage. Started around January and stopped around Aprilish. It consisted of incessent phone conversations with a girl that I worked with at my night job. It didn't go anywhere because about a week or two in I discovered she was married. :ugh: After I pretty much said that I wasn't going to be "that guy", I pretty much ended up friendzoning myself and eventually just cut contact with her. I still see her off and on and smoke a cig with her once in a while at her work (Walmart). I could've fucked her if I had made a move early on (she was all about getting up on me), but once I found out she was married, I didn't allow it to go any further that talking. I suppose I should've severed all contact at the point, but I allowed phone conversations to go on for a few months because I needed her to help distract myself from a very rough period in my divorce...just like she needed attention from me that she wasn't getting from her husband. So we kinda used each other.

    The second was an e-relationship. It started in IMs, progressed into phone conversations (one month I had around 4000 minutes used on my cell phone lol--it was all weekend and nights though luckily or I would be in the hurt locker right now), and climaxed in a weekend near Seattle. Had the time of my life from start to finish and felt butterflies again for the first time since I was like 13. :rofl: It ended pretty bad though too with her going back to her husband.

    I didn't realize until now how I have chosen to keep a certain distance in my relationships. Phone and IM and stuff were my subconscious way of distancing myself from a conventional relationship and protecting myself.

    I don't know if I am ready yet or not. It's a hard hurdle to get over. The fear of getting hurt again.

    sorry for hijacking your thread though, but I hope somehting I've said helps you a bit.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I haven't been in a real relationship in years...

    But ever since I moved out on my own last March, it hasn't been that big of a deal. I'm independent, stable (both mentally, physically, and financially) and am generally content.

    Basically, I haven't met a woman yet who seems worth it to me to be in a relationship...yeah, I could probably find some girl to get with just to be in a relationship, but losing the freedom and peace of mind isn't worth it just to say I'm in a relationship.

    I'm sure I will eventually meet someone who I want to get in a relationship with, but right now, being single isn't bothering me.
     
  8. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    from freshman through junior year of college i was single. i had my fair share of flings, but i thought i felt best when i wasn't interested in anyone at all, even as a crush. my schoolwork was so much better during that time :rofl:
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    werd. Wanting someone/having a crush on them is a huge distraction...
     
  10. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Theres nothing wrong with that. You don't NEED to be in a relationship. IMO the people who always need to be in a relationship are the ones who have nothing going on in their lives. There is so much to do, and if you have hobbies you won't need a bf/gf to replace boredom in your life.
     
  11. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    I'm 28 and I haven't been in a "committed conventional" relationship for over four years. No big whoop until recently.

    If you've got good friends and career/life goals you're shooting for that should keep you busy. Those and a few good fuck buddies throughout the years.

    Like Alaya said sometimes you gotta deal with your own stuff before you want to be in a relationship again.
     
  12. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    likely emotion: content. kuz i would be banging chicks at the rate of about 20-30/year like usual. (just my gf this year so far!)
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2008
  13. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    If you're happy, then it is normal. You do not need our approval to live your life the way you wish to.
     
  14. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I've been single for 4 years. During that time I discovered my independence and identity and have not missed a real relationship until more recently. I don't want to build a new relationship, but I do look back and regret not taking two flings in particular further than I could have. Part of that is because after being out of the game for so long I forgot how to have a relationship. Other than that, I don't particularly care :dunno:
     
  15. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    nice thread turnaround.
    And yes, look at yourself first and figure it out before thinking if you need to rely on someone else.
     
  16. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    This is depressing to me. It has been quite some time for me too.
     
  17. AlohaRacing

    AlohaRacing Freak that bitch out

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    Last relationship ended in September '06. Nothing serious since and I've been enjoying my freedom to the max.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    This is a troll right?

    No AV - Check
    :08: - Check
    Improper capitalization/punctuation - check
    ridiculous question - check

    Yep, seems like a troll thread to me. Can I get an AE check on isle 1 plz?
     
  19. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    thought the same thing about half the threads ive seen started by no AVs today.
     
  20. Snake_eyes

    Snake_eyes New Member

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    I haven't been in a relationship for about 10 years, I'm at the point now where I don't think I could even be in one anymore.
     
  21. iiceasy

    iiceasy New Member

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    in fact , i am in the third year of college , about to work ..
    i guess freedom and space are important for me
    staying with someone is terrible ...
    maybe i should enjoy my single time more
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    How old are you?
     
  23. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    so you're what? 20?
     
  24. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    Im 20 and have had 1 serious (more serious than the others atleast) relationship in my life. It lasted about a year and I felt the need to break out on my own. I was in college, I had shit to do on my own. I broke up with her, traveled a bit, did my own thing and after experiencing single life for what it is, I'd like to have another relationship.

    Our problems are very similar, I am independent as well. I dont need anybody for anything. I LOVE that about myself, but its hard to open up and let someone close when youve got that mentality. I miss the emotions of a relationship to be honest as well as the intimacy of being able to call someone your best friend and your "lover." I look back at my ex gf and feel like I want her back, but really I want what we had back, not her.

    So yes, i feel your pain. Its hard to allow yourself to have a relationship with a mentality and emotional state of mind like ours.
     
  25. Snake_eyes

    Snake_eyes New Member

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