SRS What would you do?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by skreid, Jul 14, 2007.

  1. skreid

    skreid New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    368
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CT
    Almost every night for the past week, I have had a lot of trouble getting to sleep... I start to thinking and just get sick to my stomach. But I am not thinking about nothing...

    I hate lying, and I hate myself for telling the smallest white lie. It makes me want to vomit. Anyway. My entire family (brother, sister, parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, etc, etc) are all anti-gay.. and I am bi. So, naturally I've been living a lie, so to say.

    Every night for the past week, I have laid down in bed and just started to think about what would happen if I did tell them/they ever found out... To say the least, it would be an ugly situation. I can 100% guarantee I would be kicked out. I can 100% guarantee I would lose all financial support from them. I can 95% guarantee that most or all of them would never speak to me again.

    Did I mention it's the same with every last one of my friends? Well, except for one. In 19 years of living, only 3 people have ever known about this. Except for the one, all of my friends would never talk to me again. In fact, it would probably end with a fair amount of bloodshed if I told them in person.

    Except for this one flaw, they are all awesome people. Most do a lot of volunteer work, donate, help the community, etc... One is even a foster parent. And as much as I know they would not love the real me, I cannot stop loving them. I get just as sick when I think about life with out them as I do when I think about lying to them.

    Except for this one flaw, I love the hell out of all of them, and do not know what I would do without any of them. I cannot help but cry (haha let's all laugh at the crying kid:hsnono:) when the issue comes up on the news or during a discussion and they do everything they can to demean everyone like myself. My love turns to an absolute burning hatred whenever one of them says 'fag' or 'homo.'

    So I ask, what should I do? Should I love the people who do not know they hate me, or should I love the people who know they hate me?
     
  2. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    723
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Britain
    Being bi myself I sort of understand where you are coming from. And, from my experience telling my friends the truth has been alot less worse then I've imagined. We are still as good as friends as ever. But telling your friends can be easier then family I imagine.
    This seems to be the case in alot of things, when you worry about something alot it often turns out for the better when you come clean. And if it doesn't, well atleast the weight is off your shoulders, and it's not good living with worry and anxiety like that.

    I wouldn't go as far to say you are living a lie.

    If your family don't accept you for who you are, then fuck them. You are from their own blood.

    And if your friends don't accept you for who you are, they aren't your friends.


    Edit: Your sexual orientation is not a flaw.. Everyone is born different and you are far from alone. You need to come with peace with that no matter what people throw in your face, you're nothing bad.
    I remember back in school they told us, a class of 30 students, that statisticly 8 of us wore gay/lesbians, homosexual.

    And the a usual perk with those who are strongly anti gay, is that they are afraid of being it themselves and use the view as a fragile defense. THEY are the ones living a lie, not you
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2007

Share This Page