SRS What would you do in my shoes?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fixthe fernback, Dec 2, 2006.

  1. fixthe fernback

    fixthe fernback New Member

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    I am single and looking right now, but it seems most girls I meet are fake, shallow, or just don't seem to care all that much. I can't find any girls I can really make a connection with or anything. People keep telling me that in order for me to get a girlfriend, I just need to ask a girl out. But I can't find any girl that I feel worthy of asking out! I just can't see anything coming from asking them out, I don't want to fake liking them, because that leads to awkwardity, and I've experienced just that in the past.

    However, there is this girl who is one of my close friends. Lately I've realized that I have developed feelings for her. She is smart, caring, funny, sweet, beautiful in my eyes, and best of all, GENUINE. She is the only girl I really, really like, especially among the general college demographic of fake, pretty on the outside only girls. We hang out a lot and we really connect on many levels, but I don't think she knows that I would love us to be more than friends and pursue a relationship. I don't know if she has feelings for me or not. I have been contemplating maybe talking to her about these feelings, but there are some other things that have been bothering me.

    I am still weary of the whole friend zone thing. I hear it's impossible to get out of, but at the same time, in the past year, two of my close friends have each found a mate whom they were friends with, one of them was friends with the guy she's going out with now since sixth grade. So, If I ask them, they say go for it. I don't want things to become awkward and have her and I drift apart, that would be terrible.

    Second of all, which is like a dark mountain lingering in the distance is that she is leaving in less than a month to study abroad in Ecuador until late May. This not only seems depressing becuase I won't see her for 5 months, but it also puts a time constraint on if I want to pursue the next level between us. Not only that, but I think that might hurt a relationship, unless it was deep rooted. She could also find someone else in ecuador, because she is not opposed to long term relationships.

    So what would you do and what do you think I should do? Should I just have a heart to heart and explain myself? Should I somehow find out if she likes me back? Or should I just try to find someone else because my chances of a relationship working out between of us is slim to none?

    :embd:
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I wouldn't suggest pursuing a girl who is about to go to another country for 5 months. Especially in the small amount of time you have.

    As a Marine, I know what it is like to get sent away from your girlfriend for long periods of time. Statistically, one of the partners will cheat MORE than half the time. If you're thinking "She's different, she's the one." Stop. She isn't. She is a female, and no exception.

    I'm sure she is great, but she is leaving. Most girls would sleep with MANY more guys, if they knew nobody would find out about it and be labeled a slut. In Ecuador, she will be able to sleep with many guys with no regrets, because nobody in the states will ever possibly find out about it. Have some discipline and self-control, and DON'T set yourself up for a relationship with red flags all over it. You won't be able to develop a strong enough relationship in a month to survive those high-risk factors.

    I had the same problem as you for the longest time about not being able to find a woman who I thought was worthy. Not that I consider myself some supreme being or something, but when I say worthy, I mean someone that can actually make me happy.

    After long talks with a military chaplain (priest and relationship counsuler) about my problem, he gave me wonderful advice. He told me "Opposites do attract, but they usually don't last." ---- He basically told me to find a girl who has many same interests as me.

    What are my interests? Reading, paintball, mixed martial arts, and exercise. I stopped looking for women on the meat market (bars/clubs), and started approaching women at book stores and gyms. I put myself out there. I started going to the gym at the college i'm about to go to. Tons of women.

    Generally, the more books a person reads, the less interesting of a life they really have. Got to be careful about them book worms.

    What kind of things are you interested in?

    Oh, and I have been in your shoes. I was deploying, and I got with a girl 3 months before I left. She cheated on me 2 weeks after I left with an ex-boyfriend she thought nobody would ever find out about. I didn't learn about it until we were together for almost 9 months. I thought I could trust this girl with my life, and I even asked her to marry me. As someone who has been there ---- Don't get with this girl.
     
  3. fixthe fernback

    fixthe fernback New Member

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    When you said she would cheat on me, I got really angry, I really do care if you call her a whore, even if you don't know her. She's not a whore, but I should take your advice and be weary. I know she wouldn't cheat on me if we were going out, but 5 months in a different continent might be something else, it is a long time.

    Her and I don't even have much of the same interests, but we just seem to connect really well and I really enjoy spending time with her.

    Now, on the question about what I'm interested in has been troubling me for some time. I don't really do all that much. I listen to a lot of music, I play video games, watch movies, and generally just shoot the shit with my friends. None of these really are the best interests to aid my search. My interests are an entire different matter. Honestly, I dont know what I enjoy doing. I'm pretty boring. :o
     
  4. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I didn't call her a whore, nor did I say she WOULD cheat on you.

    I said statistically, she would probably cheat on you. Most of the guys who get cheated on are the ones who say "No, I know she wouldn't cheat."

    I knew my fiance would cheat either....but she did.

    You guys very well could get together, fall in love, and both be completely faithful to each other the whole time, come back and get married.

    I'm just telling you what statistically happens.
     

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