What would you do if you were me? v. relationship and life

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by buriedtreasure, Aug 24, 2006.

  1. buriedtreasure

    buriedtreasure New Member

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    My boyfriend has shut himself off from me and wants to "talk about things in person." He already told me that he isn't breaking up with me. He's just super upset over something. I don't know what's going on. He won't talk about it. I want to drive over there right now, but I took a Vicodin for my back, I've been crying hysterically, and I'm in no shape whatsoever to drive.

    My "best friend" hates the fact that I'm with my boyfriend. He and I got into a fight a few months ago (he being my boyfriend) and ever since she's just passed judgement on him and refuses to belive that he's an amazing guy (which anyone of my friends, other than her, can vouch to). So when I need someone to talk to about things going on, I can't go to her. I hate it.

    I used to cut myself when things stressed me out or when I was upset. Now, I just get so upset and fight against falling into old habits so hard that it makes me throw up.

    He just turned his phone off.

    I don't know what to do.

    I just want to have everything be okay. I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of him hurting, and I'm tired of living in the past.

    The whole reason that I'm so scared when people that I'm close to won't talk to me (or that I won't be there for them) is because last time that I wasn't there for a best friend, or moreso didn't push them to talk to me, they ended up in the hospital after an attempted suicide. I can't do that again. I can't not be there for someone. I can't not try. And when they don't accept me trying, yet I know that deep down they need to talk about it, it scares the living shit out of me.

    I'm going to throw up...

    Someone. Please. Help me. I'm so scared and I feel so alone...
     
  2. StealingBread

    StealingBread New Member

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    Hm... First, Though I know it isn't easy, Calm down, distract your mine. Put in your faveroute movie, listen to your faveroute cd, try getting to sleep (shouldn't the vicoden make you sleepy??), As long as you are in no shape to see him, then you should try not to worry about it... If he turned off his phone, then thats probably means you were calling him too much. One thing about relationships- clingyness and neediness are huge turn offs. It shows you can't take care of yourself by yourself.

    He told you he isn't breaking up with you, so if he is an amazing guy, you should be able to trust he is telling the truth. So calm down, settle your nerves, try meditation..

    As for now, all you can do it wait it out. Hours go by quickly when you sleep, slowly when you think, slowest when you panic.

    Good luck girl!!!
     
  3. buriedtreasure

    buriedtreasure New Member

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    Well, he does this thing where he shuts himself off. He and I both know that something's bothering him, but he's gonna say "nothing's wrong" like 50 million times before he actually tells me. It's just him...

    He just won't tell me when we're going to talk. I guess it just sucks that I don't have an answer, ya know?

    How do I get over being so scared that all of the stuff that happened in the past is going to happen again? And how do I keep myself from thinking about old habits every time I get upset?
     
  4. StealingBread

    StealingBread New Member

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    Ohh, I see... He never gives you an answer, and then says nothing's wrong... If he doesn't talk to you about what's wrong, you need to let him know how much it bothers you, almost to the point of vomiting, and if he doesn't care then your relationship si in jepordy. I think it's a matter of how much he cares, and how can you know if he doesn't respond when try to talk to him??
     
  5. buriedtreasure

    buriedtreasure New Member

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    He knows that it bothers me and that it makes me sick. It's just something that happens when I get upset and stressed...

    He told me that he just doesn't want to talk about it over the phone. I know that he'll tell me, but it's just bothersome that I don't know when.

    I hate waiting.

    I told him tonight that I understand that sometimes you need to take time to think over things before you open up to someone, but that there's a point to where a girl that would give the world for you is sick over it that you just need to talk about it.

    I honestly think that he's just scared to let himself open up and to let himself get attatched (which he already is...the ILY thing came up last week).

    What do I do?
     
  6. awlewis

    awlewis New Member

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    Stop cutting yourself.
    Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go talk to him. Honestly, if he won't open up after you have talked to him about it time and time again, he probably isn't the right guy for you. If this is like a life and death decision than go see him. If one vicodin REALLY makes you disfunctional than ask a friend to drive, take a bus, or cab.
    your friend sounds like she cares for you, but not enough to really get to know your bf...nice friend.
     
  7. buriedtreasure

    buriedtreasure New Member

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    If you read correctly, I DON'T CUT MYSELF ANY MORE. I HAVEN'T CUT MYSELF IN 5 OR 6 YEARS.

    At 4AM, I really don't think that a friend is going to take me to talk to my boyfriend.

    Hopefully he'll want to talk today...
     
  8. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    calm down would be the first thing. trust your b/f would be the second. if he says he's not breaking up with you but wants to talk at some point - trust him that he means what he says.

    it sounds like you're afraid he's going to do something bad and you'll be helpless to prevent it?
    if you want to help, the first thing that would be most helpful *to him* would be to calm down as much as you can.

    i can understand being worried about falling into old habits - that's scary. but you *haven't* so be proud of yourself for that :)
     
  9. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    If he is not going to break up with you, either you or he did something wrong. Can you think of anything you did? Is it a possibility he cheated? Maybe he is just having a tough time with family. Has he ever gave you a reason to think he is suicidal? Whatever he has on his mind make sure you tell him you care about him no matter what it is. I use to have a parnoia problem(well i would call it one) because my dad and brother had died when i was young. So whenever one of my family members were out i would get worried when i couldnt get ahold of them or they were late. Finally now i just have to realize what happens is going to happen. Worrying about it is only going to tear yourself apart. Life is going to throw a bunch of things at you and i would rather be prepared strong then weak from being scared all the time. You need to try not eating away at your self because you think what COULD happen that doesnt mean its going to happen because it has once. Just make sure to tell your boyfriend how much you care and would do anything to help him, its good to know that someone is there and cares for you.
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Out of curiosity, how old are you? You seem incredibly worried about what others think of you and your relationship with your boyfriend.

    You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your boyfriend, tell him exactly what is on your mind. Nothing will get better or change until you do that. There is no reason worrying about what he is going to tell you, again there's nothing you can change about that either.
     

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