FRK What would turn my girlfriend on?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hopeleslylonely, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. hopeleslylonely

    hopeleslylonely Moo

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    **Anonymous Post**

    I have a problem I need some help with. I just got into a relationship with a woman who is into bsdn. Personally,
    I've never done it. Slapping a girls tit, ass, with aggression is fun; and hot, I'll have to admit, but Ida know
    it's a bit strange when jumping right into it.

    I knew before getting into bed with her that she has been with a lot of men. This didn't bother me. And she knew
    before taking me to bed that I hadn't been with a lot of woman so we are opposites when it comes to sex.
    We are both giving a little of what the other needs emotionally to the other but as of right now we are not very
    conducive to eachother in bed.

    right now, the relationship, is about sex. She seduces me, I say no, she throws a fit, we fight, talk, and fuck.
    In her opinion every guy will, at one point or another, cheat on her SO and that's the way relationships are. She
    has it dead set in her mind, to the point of trying to drive me off, that I will leave as soon as I get what I
    want out of her. And she might be right about this.

    But I digress. I guess I'm trying to give you an idea of what her mindset is like. I want to know what you guys
    think will seriously turn her on. Right now, unfortionately, I'm not too big into fucking. I want her to get a
    std test before we do that again, but I'd like to know what you guys think her mindset is like. Truthfully, this
    is one of the most attractive parts of her.
     
  2. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Why don't you ask her what turns her on?

    It sounds like you have a communication problem with her. And it's also possible that you aren't sexually compatiable.
     
  3. hopeleslylonely

    hopeleslylonely Moo

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    ** ANON REPLY**

    " You could be very right, we might not be compatible. But I would say we would not be compatible in-so-far as to what we want out of sex and not personality-wise. See.. I'm so new to this game that to think that a relationship would not work because you want different things out of the act of sex is un-thought of. Meaning- I haven't thought of it before. In retrospect i'm a complete realist in understanding and letting go of the relationship :sadwavey: if needed so this is a good point.

    We have talked about what we want out of sex. And like you are saying it is completely different but we each are making strides the other way. ( if not I simple wouldn't be making this post.) I simply wanted her to sleep with me as I had not had that in a long time. She refused. Then, the first night I took her clothes off she had me tie her up. :dunno:

    -- to continue the point. While in bed we do talk about what we want. Half the time we are refusing to do what the other wants. What she wants is my lust... what I want is her devotion. I'm telling you ... it's fucked up.

    Don't know if this kind of mushy stuff goes on in FS ... more turning into a vag topic.

    So.... letting the compatability issue go for now ... what would be suggestions as to what to do that would satisfy her submissiveness and my endeerment.

    LOL ...what a fucked up question. Try if you like
     
  4. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    so why arent you having sex with her ?
     
  5. DvBoard

    DvBoard New Member

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    Talk to her about this while not in bed. Cover it before and after, but not so much during.

    What's important is that you two work with each other to give what the partner desires in a way that can be fullfilled by the other party without making them regret or not want to do it.
     
  6. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    From what you were saying in your initial post, it seems like she's been hurt before, repeatedly. She doesn't want to get emotionally close, and for her, sex has just become an activity. She's viewing Sex as if it were Baseball. You may be able to give her what she's wanting, which seems to be plain old simple lust without strings, but it seems very obvious (based on info we've been given) that she is either incapable, or completely unwilling to do the same for you.

    There can be a very strong bond in BDSM play. Its more extreme activities require a degree of trust that is often unrivaled in more vanilla relationships. The problem is, for you to be comfortable with the BDSM play, you need to be able to also associate it emotionally with this girl... which seems to be something she will not allow.

    This is a relationship which, sadly, seems doomed, and will not be a pretty end if it goes too long. :hs:
     
  7. razi

    razi New Member

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    she wants to be a victim. she wants you to use, abuse, and hurt her (physically, mentally, emotionally) because that is all she's had and is what she knows. she will succeed in her goals unless she decides somewhere along the line that she wants to change. you cannot make her change, you cannot make her want to change. you WILL get hurt.

    it'll take an almost inhuman amount of care and compassion for her to change her mind. that and a LOT of angry, violent, hard-hitting sex- hard enough to knock her out of her victimization. if you're asking for tips on what to do, then you're likely not to be able to create the environment she needs. it's not that you shouldn't care for her, but you might have to make her think you don't (at least during sex and sexualized situations). yeah, it's fucked up.

    read up on your rope bondage. search for two knotty boys and get to work. good luck.
     
  8. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I think Razi is correct but for the wrong reasons. It would appear that she does indeed want be to a victim; however, I believe that extends from her past relationships. I suspect that she believes that if she is not real kinky and sexual that the person will leave. Given what you said, she seems to think that people will get rid of her once they are 'done' with her. Therefore, if she keeps things kinky and so forth that they will stick around longer.

    My advice is to show her attention and compassion outside of sex. I think she needs to see that there is more to a relationship than just sex and that you stick around for more than just sex. She probably will continue to have her mindset for a long time (or always), but she will slowly become more accepting.

    Rope bondage is a good idea. I would also recommend filling out a bdsm checklist like this one. http://www.bdsmcircle.net/dslifestyle/checklist.htm

    Having said that, this can be fairly personal, so it might not be a good idea for a new relationship.

    Finally, I would just do what others have pointed out. It seems like there is a lack of communication on both of your parts. If you are not a highly sexual person she needs to know this better and you two need to find other ways to express feelings for one another (hence why I said previously that you need to do activities outside of sex).
     

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