SRS What to do?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Filmboy44, Jun 7, 2005.

  1. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    I'll keep this short. I went out with a girl last night that I've known for about 6 or 7 years. We had some drinks at a martini bar and then ...we kissed...a lot.

    The problem here is that she was my best friends first love. I have mixed emotions right now and not sure what my next move should be. My friend now is married, but still speaks about her once in a while. They have been broken up for like 5-6 years.

    The thing is, would I like it if the situation were reversed...and I can't seem to answer that honestly.

    any suggestions?
     
  2. lebomb

    lebomb New Member

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    He is remarried.....they were in the past. Just be honest with your friend and tell him. If he is normal and cool he will understand.

    On the other hand........for example. I started dating and married a girl that my friend really liked. They were technically just friends.....they never kissed or even held hands......BUT! he was pissed we got together and is still pissed that we got married. I havent spoken to him in 3yrs.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I see it like this, he is married and therefore occupied in a relationship, while she on the other hand is free and available, i think that validates your freedom to be involved into a relationship with her. Its not his decision anymore but hers and yours.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    He's married. If he's got issues with other people seeing his ex-girlfriend, he shouldn't be married in the first place. You could ask if you like, but he really has no say in the matter.
     
  5. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Yeah I agree, but I woudl just let him know. Depends on how good of a friend he is. If he's a good friend, then you should let him know what's going on. He'll probably just say go for it since he's already married and all.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    non-issue. Talk to your best friend. I doubt he cares.

    The only possible complication is if you start dating this girl and she tends to call him every time something goes wrong.
     
  7. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    wow... that's crazy...

    some friends of mine liked an ex i dated (now ~5+ years ago). now, if it were after we broke up, i would be somewhat upset, however, if they dated now i don't think i'd mind. he and i still talk, and we've always been good friends. he tells me everything, which is awesome :).

    regardless of the fact that he's married, you could ask to be nice. i hope, for your friend's wife sake, that he doesn't talk about his ex in a "man i wish it would've worked out" manner. :sad2: every relationship and experience shapes us, and to deny that is crazy! it's normal to reminisce about the good times you had, but not to the extreme.
     
  8. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    If he is your best friend like you say he will understand that you have feelings to..and he wouldnt keep something that makes you happy away from you. He cant expect you to deny a woman that he couldnt deny himself years ago.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Whatever issues he has with her is his problem. It might help if you went out with her. Perhaps he still talks about her because she's single. Seeing you with her might be a shock at first but I think it would help him move on.
     
  10. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    well I spoke with my friend. He was a lot more understanding that I had expected. I explained to him the entire situation and he laughed.

    I called him up and told him that something had been bothering me all day. What I had said was "I went out with (his ex) and we went drinking and..." then he cut me off with "did you hit it?" I said "no, but I kissed her man" he then said "yeah? good for you, she's a good girl, attractive too" Then I began to tell him how much its been eating me up inside and didn't want to upset him because our friendship means a lot more than any girl. He gave me his blessing and said that I could date her for all he cared "after all its been how many years...I don't care anymore" Those were his exact words.

    So I said "i have no real intensions on dating her I just wanted to let you knwo what happend last night and I feel a lot better now that I did".


    :)
     
  11. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    Stay friends with that guy! :coolugh:
     
  12. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    go for it, he's married... what is he gonna do now?? nothing ,he had his chance
     
  13. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :squint: wtf? i'm confused.... :rant2: so you don't have any intentions on dating this woman, but you just wanted to tell your friend that you kissed her? oh my lord... talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill. :hs:
     
  14. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    uhhh... yea.. you lost me here too.. so you have no feelings and don't want to date? thats it?
     
  15. Jaccordan

    Jaccordan Guest

    Some guys are like that :dunno:

    good man filmy.. id have probably done the same....
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    mmhmm... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: yet women get labeled as "dramarific."
     
  17. Jaccordan

    Jaccordan Guest

    yeah because girls will fuck eachothers boyfriends then hate eachother..


    guys who are down with the guy code just like to make sure they arnt crossing any lines..
     
  18. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    Listen, I don't know what was so confusing to any of you. I simply said that I have no intentions on dating her but I still kissed her. I felt it was my job to tell my friend about it before he found out and it got all twisted.

    It was eating me up inside and I just had to tell him.

    some people have morals.
     
  19. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    :werd:
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I don't think Filmy is not being all drama -- he's obviously a sensitive and caring individual who was concerned about stepping on his best friend's toes.

    He also has morals, and doesn't act like a weasel or an asshole. Frankly, he seems like a stand-up kinda guy -- someone I would personally welcome as a friend.
     
  21. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    yup. good to see this situation resolved so easily. Where is the "I told you so" emoticon? :wavey:
     
  22. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    no... imo... you made it seem like it was a bigger deal than it really was. pretty simple, looking at the facts: friend's married, was his ex a long time ago, you kissed her (which, imo, is trivial... especially if you've been drinking). ie... people tend to loosen up when they've been drinking.

    i understand that you wanted to tell him, i just thought that you liked this girl and wanted to pursue a relationship.

    ;) believe me, i have morals, too. however, we could debate your morality in the fact that you kissed her before confronting your friend.

    anywho... i'm just glad that everything's kosher with you and your friend :)
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Hmmmm that's true... ;)

    I guess it must be that thing about springtime and a young man's fancy turning toward love.
     
  24. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    thats very nice of you to day :)


    As for the current situation...I was wrong. The more I think about it the more I find myself thinking about her. I called her last night but she wasn't home. I wanted to talk to her about this entire thing she what her take is.

    I think I like her, a lot and wouldn't mind getting into a relationship now :sad2: I think I was trying to tell myself not to date her before because of my friend, but now that I know his feelings on this subject something has come over me.

    I can't get her out of my mind. Its driving me crazy
     
  25. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    So I just got off the phone with her. I had taken the entire weekend off of work because of my birthday :) and I am going up to the cottage on the beach tomorrow...I wanted to know if she wanted to come. SHe's working till 5 but we made dinner plans for 7.

    this is getting crazy. :run:
     

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