SRS What to do here

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Oriion, Jun 21, 2009.

  1. Oriion

    Oriion Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    so.

    been in a relationship for 10 years, my partner she is insulin dependent diabetic, and for about the last 2 years the stress from this condition is really starting to effect my well being. Obviously its hard for her too, but I am at the point of breakdown, I cannot sleep as Im worried she is going to hypo on me, i feel sick leaving her for a few days due to work and wondering if something is going to happen to her etc. My mental state is slipping from me, Im becoming very tired, erratic moods, fearful and scared that if something bad happened I couldnt forgive myself.

    Her condition is slowly deteriorating, and i feel I cannot cope with this for much longer. I love her to bits, but feel lately we are just kinda going through the motions, and dont feel the "in love" feelings we used to have are there anymore. I almost feel I'm trapped in this relationship and don't know what to do. So many other people are involved too, friends, other family etc, so it's not just about the 2 of us, there is many more people to consider. we dont have any children or anything either.

    To make things worse I have recently met someone else, and whilst I have been completely upfront with my current situation to said person( and have not engaged in anything other than conversation ), I now feel guilty / torn / confused as to what to do here, as i feel this new person is someone i could really fall for, but do not want to hurt them either, and so far they are very supportive towards me, and not pressuring me in any form for a commitment.

    So i guess what do i do here? I'm hoping some strangers on the internet can draw on their own dilemmas, to try and make me see sense in mine.

    thanks
     
  2. Kafka

    Kafka New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2007
    Messages:
    48,664
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles --> D.C.
    Well, your situation seems to be a pretty extreme case of when two people simply, and inevitably, "plateau" in terms of their relationship.

    Everyone, at some point or another, goes through "the motions" but your situation is really complicated because it has to do with the stress and fear of your SO's condition.

    I can express sympathies for your feelings of guilt and frustration, personally I don't think I could understand what you're going through right now, but i can attest to the sheer power of free will. Ultimately the situation lies in your hands; for some that's empowering, for others it's debilitating.

    I pretty much said nothing useful I guess...but <3 you know.
     
  3. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2009
    Messages:
    1,040
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    east of here
    In sickness and in health?

    I realize your probably not married, but still after 10 years? If you love someone, dont you stick it out, even when its tough? Personally, I think you sound a little selfish. Her debilitating illness affects you? Have you talked to your SO about your feelings? Or tried a therapist in dealing with it?

    Cheating/ leaving her seem like premature actions.
     
  4. Oriion

    Oriion Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    if you had lived with someone for 10 years with the same or similair ailment believe me you wouldnt be saying that, there condition effects everyone that knows them in some shape or form.

    And yes I have talked about my feelings to her, she just cries and says shes sorry, which is perfectly understandable, hence my horrible dillema.

    I deserve to be happy too, and I havent been happy for a while now, but stayed because i care enough, just not sure I have much left in me.

    I am fighting the selfish aspect as well, so i will not move on your assesment, you are probably right i cannot deny that.

    and like i said, i havent cheated on her, and nor have I in 10 years
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was in this situation, only I was on the other end. I was/am the one sick. My partner cheated on me and abandoned me. We were engaged and had been together for going on 7 years. She did it for many of the same reasons you're discussing.

    My recommendation is to end the relationship. Be honest, but don't say more than you have to. The reality is, if you don't end it, you're going to resent her and she's going to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be there.

    No one is "bad" here. It's just what it is. Don't be afraid of hurting her. She's going to be hurt one way or another in the end -- so it's better to tear the band-aid off quickly. As long as you aren't dishonest, and you're kind you'll be able to live with yourself. Don't get angry if she gets angry with you. Hold it in and deal with it later. Remember, she's going to feel like she's to blame for awhile -- but she'll blame you first. However, eventually she'll come to realize that you did your best.

    Write a letter in advance if necessary -- organize your thoughts.

    You're doing the right thing. She has "other" people to help her deal with what she's facing.
     
  6. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,618
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    What is her prognosis? If it is going to be like this for the rest of your (long) lives you need to talk about it and figure out a solution.
     
  7. mayfield

    mayfield New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2006
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TEXAS
    You need to speak with your partner about all of this stuff that is on your mind.. just man up and dish it to her..she'd probably do the same to you.. women are ruthless...
     
  8. Oriion

    Oriion Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Im going to necro this post with an update.
    I finally got the courage about 3 months after this original post to leave her.

    It was the single most hardest fucking thing ive ever had to do in my life, and it tore me to pieces for about 12 months after.

    The other person that i became interested in just gave me space, and offered me support which was what i needed.

    After I had time to forgive myself and heal, i took things slowly with said supportive person and we are still together, and never looking back.

    I can do anything i feel, i dont feel restricted, have excellent open transparent commumunincation regarding everything we involve ourselves in, and i have truly felt for the first time in my life I actually know who i am, what I want, and where i am heading - and thats taken 40 years to work that out.

    Leaving was the most painful experience I have ever dealt, worse than deaths of close friends, relatives etc. it effects people differently.

    I guess my advice here is if you cannot be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?. pain heals, time moves on, but you are with yourself 24/7 - you cannot escape that ever.

    thanks for reading, hopefully some of you in similair circumstances can find courage to take the step. It's not easy, but its do-able.

    take care all, feel free to PM me if you have any questions
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    You did the right thing man. Sometimes the right thing hurts like hell but in the end, it's the wise choice.

    To this day, I'm alone. I can pull off one night stands easily (Not boasting) but beyond that, when they find out how sick I really am -- no one wants to stay, and I can't blame them.

    I'll probably die alone, but I don't know the future. All I know is that no one should resent me or feel obligated to be with me. I'm an awesome guy, but let's face it, nature dealt me a fuckstick of a life, and if I live long enough, maybe I'll find a cure. If I don't, I'll die trying. When the end comes, I'll leave alone. So be it.

    While I'm here, I'll do all the good I can, and help as many people as I can. There is no reason - if I can help it - to be negative and reclusive.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Great update. Thanks for closing the loop and good on you for reclaiming your life.

    You did the right thing.
     
  11. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Messages:
    5,108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TX
    Absolutely! I missed this thread originally and only just now read it due to your update. I was all ready to start typing a response agreeing with METALLlC BLUE.
     
  12. Oriion

    Oriion Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,944
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    thanks for the kind words guys, i really appreciate it. I don't feel like such as asshole anymore.

    <3
     
  13. amze

    amze New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2007
    Messages:
    10,679
    Likes Received:
    0

    Good for you bro. You made the right decision! Enjoy, be free, be happy, be you.
     

Share This Page