What the Hell Is Wrong with Me?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MP525i, Dec 20, 2005.

  1. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    hey everyone,

    i've been reading this part of the forum for the past few weeks and it looks like everyone has a really good head on their shoulders. i was hoping you might be able to give me some insight to my problem.

    the girlfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half. she's madly in love with me and i am with her... at least i think i still am (which where the problem lies). over the past 3 weeks we've had a few of our worst fights ever where we've come really close to breaking it off. she has gotten past those fights, but for some reason i can't shake them from my memory and go on as if nothing happened.

    the "usual" (??) happened during the fights. lots of screaming and yelling, breaking stuff (mostly my stuff was broken), pushing... you know. :(

    i feel like i should just get past these doubts i'm having and try to be more like her. it's like she knows things are gonna get better. she tells me that she's just been really stressed out this semester (it's her last semester at school) and she's really sorry for being such a bitch. she's also a little too controlling in the way where everything needs to be perfect, and if it isn't she flips out (mostly on me). she is getting help for that and i commend her for that.

    now let's see: she's getting help, saying that the semester is making her really stress, she's sorry for taking it out on me and promises to work on her faults.

    sounds like a really great plan, but why can't i get past what has happened in the past and look towards a brighter future?

    i usually don't post things like this online, but i really at my wits end here.

    thanks everyone!
     
  2. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    whos instigating the fight, and who is the violent one. perhaps she knows things are gonna get better cause shes the one creating drama. lots of girls start shit, just so they can fix it. has your relationship been otherwise dull?
     
  3. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    i have a really bad time when it comes to remembering little details, which in turns makes her really mad which starts a fight. example: i forgot to bring cookies up to her place (for christmas presents) yesterday. she didn't need them until wednesday. her whole argument was "what if i needed them for tomorrow?! then i'd be screwed!" i told her she was making a big deal out of nothing and stepped out of the room. a few minutes later, she came back and apologized and, again went along as if nothing happened. where as- i'm still sitting there asking- why did we have this little scuffle over cookies? again, she moved on and i'm still dwelling on what happened.

    you can say it's been dull. but the reason for that is that we've both been so busy. me with work and her with her final semester (student teaching). we've really had zero time for ourselves.
     
  4. z31maniac

    z31maniac *insert witty remark*

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    Are you dating my ex-fiance?

    Seriously though, that sounds exactly like her. I can't tell you what you should do, I just know that in my situation, I got sick of the drama. I don't like not knowing if I'm going to bitched at for some inane reason or whats gonna make her go crazy next time.

    My ex got increasingly violent the more fights we had. It got to the point that she would throw shit and hit me, (note to self stay away from religous Mexicans next time) and basically go completely insane.

    If you really love this girl, which you have to otherwise you wouldn't be putting up with this, then try to work it out. Once the semester is over if she doesn't cool out, then suggest seeing a counselor, if she won't or it doesn't help the situation. Then it would probably be best to cut your losses and leave.
     
  5. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    I dont know what u call a "usual" fight. I've had my share of fights like evryone else. but I have never broken anyone's stuff nor have I had my stuff broken, and just in general nothing gets broken.

    I did kick my ex's ex ass. But he was an ass and he aint a thing. So that dosent count as stuff getting broken.
     
  6. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I've never been in an argument that turned physical in any way. :hs: Maybe you guys should sit down and talk about it. Maybe take a small breather and re-evaluate some things that are happening?

    Doesn't mean you will break up all together but you need to figure out what is important again. Arguing over cookies is not important. You need to learn a better way to communicate. While we are just seeing your side of the story you both may be taking eachother for granted.

    Maybe a break will help you figure out some things?
     
  7. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    see that's the thing, she is getting help. granted- it's only been for about 3 weeks so there really hasn't been much time to gain any real understanding.

    i'm thinking about waiting until after the madness of the holidays to see how things progress. i know it is a very stressful time for her, as well as myself. i'm hoping that once january kicks in and we get into a normal schedule this all should calm down.

    however, life throws many curve balls and i'm worried that if we're handling stress like this, how will we handle it in the future (mortgage, marriage, kids, etc.).

    z31- that bold face is exactly how i've been feeling for the past few months!!!!!

    thanks for all your help everyone!
     
  8. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    OK, two things. #1: Pick your battles. It sounds like she may need to work on this more than you; a better response on her part would've been "Oh well... we still have time, just make sure you've got them for me by _____ or you're dead!" On your part though, you need to just let "little shit" like this go, too. If what you posted is the extent of the exchange on the issue, it isn't a fight. It was just a poor choice of response on her part. Its perfectly alright to think "what if I needed them..." but saying it is a totally different story.

    Now, #2 addresses this quote:

    I think the reason you can't get past what has happened, is that maybe there are some other faults or things about her that you don't even consiously realize are bugging you. Any other annoying behavioral habbits that she has? Clothes she wears, her looks, ANYTHING? All of these factors come into play; and they could be causing you to "look for an out" without realizing it. Maybe you aren't looking towards a brighter future because you don't see one, or even want one. You need to seriously re-evaluate what exactly you want out of a relationship, whether or not you're getting it from/with her, and then figure out why you are or aren't. You may ultimately even come to the conclusion that it would be best if it were over with. That's something only you can determine, though.
     
  9. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Im a religious Mexican and dont have an ounce of physical agression towards woman. I'll kick a dude's ass in a heart beat, but I have not and will not touch my SO or any other girl. Thats like hitting your mom, you go straight to hell.
     
  10. z31maniac

    z31maniac *insert witty remark*

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    You did see that I'm a guy and she is a girl right? Its my ex girlfriend/fiance that was the violent one, not me.

    PS, on the religious Mexican, its called tongue-in-cheek, calm down.
     
  11. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    First time a fight got violent I'd be out of there.

    Fuck that shit.

    And as far as "waiting till after the madness of the holidays" what makes you think it'll be any different the next time she is stressed out or the holidays come again in a year?

    Stress in other parts of your life are no excuse for bringing it home and letting it get in the way of your relationship. You both should be there to support each other and make each other feel better about other things in your life.
     
  12. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    What's tongue-in-cheek?
     
  13. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    wow on a similiar note, my gf told me she was bi. Recently while I have been working a lot lately she has been hanging out with who she told me she would wanna fuck if she could. I'm really nervous about this and personally I'm putting her out of my mind cuz it's finals. She gives this girl more time than me, but I think what you just said is going on. Thanks for the info I can only hope it gets better for myself.
     
  14. z31maniac

    z31maniac *insert witty remark*

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    Sarcasm, joking around, facetious.
     
  15. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    yeah i know, but i at least want to give her the benifit of the doubt. i want to feel like she can change. when things calm down after all the running around in the next two weeks, then i'll see what's what. like i said before, if this is how she handles stress from school, i can only imagine what it's like with bigger responsibilities.

    rock - me - hard place.
     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I would bet two things are going on:

    1. She is wanting to get married before two years goes by.

    2. You need to step up to the plate and be a little more assertive.


    First one is self-explanitory. The second one basically means you need to stop taking her shit. Next time she flies off the handle you tell her something like "I know you're having a bad day, but that does not give you the right to act like an eight year old spoiled brat, be disrespectful to me, and lose your temper. I'm getting tired of it because it's very disrespectful of me. I care about you a lot but lemme tell you - this is your last chance. If you lose it like this again don't do it around me. I'm not going to tolerate it any more." You absolutely MUST keep calm, keep your cool, but NOT back down.

    Expect her to lose it when you say that. If she does, just get up and go for a drive. Walk out. Let her blow off her steam and then come back later. Make sure she cleans up her mess, and calms down.

    If you're lucky, she'll recognzie that you are being serious and will chill out and let you know that she is sorry and will work on it harder.

    Unless she has a physical mental issue, she can control this - and I would expect her to.
     

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