What the hell is my ex thinking? is she just trying to piss me off and confuse me?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by quamen, Mar 28, 2008.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    Im going to try to make this as short as possible and clear as possible. Im in my mid 20's while my ex who is in her early 20's. I have not been dating her for about 2 years now, because i made a big mistake in our past relationship. I ignored her alot, while i was trying to start a small business while attending night college. I blew her off many times, and basically gave her no attention that she needed at many times. Even though this does sound crazy,but i did love her with all my heart. I became obsessed with starting this business, which did succeed, but i lost the best thing in my life. I love her so much and still do to this day, i wanted to actually get married to this girl. I have thought about her everyday, but no obsessed with her. I have dated many other girls, but she is always on my mind.


    So last week i finally run into her, but she with her bf at a local video rental store. I saw her, but i pretended not to see her, but i knew she say me. A few days goes by and i get a IM from one of her close friends who she used to live with. This girl bascially was a middle person always helping to work out our problems when we were together. Keep in mind now, i have not heard from either of these people since we split up. Her friend starts asking me questions like how you doing etc. I feel like saying cut the bs and what do you want, but i didnt cause i already knew and wanted to see what she had to say.

    She starts asking me questions like.. are you singe? have any recent pictures of yourself? see anyone from the past recently? I tell her no i didnt see anyone recently even though i saw my ex, and give her the rest of the info. A few minutes later my Ex out of now where messages me, and says she wants to receive a service from my business. Im thinking this is total bs. Not bragging or trying to have a ego, but since i stopped dating my ex, i have been working hard in the gym and have gained alot more confidence and i feel i look alot better. I think that once my ex saw me, she still had feelings for me so she messaged me.

    WE talked to about 3 hours, and i had finally enough of this shit. I said i want to take you out,but she is like "You know im in a relationship right" ? I say i dont care, and ask again but she is hesitant. I ask her about her feelings towards me,and she says she still loves me,and if she wansnt in the current situation, things would be different between us. I think she was hesitant to give me another chance, cause i treated her like shit last time. I can understand this, but why would she go through all this ****ing trouble and aggravate me, even if she wont give me another shot?

    I know this sounds like High school material, but it is not and true. Were both mature adults and i think her feelings are still strong for me, but she wont give me another shot cause she is seeing someone. What should i do?
     
  2. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    You made a mistake...she moved on...you didn't. Don't be "that guy"...her current bf doesn't deserve that. It's disrespectful to him and their relationship. Back off, if it doesn't work out between them, then you can have your second chance. Until then, either back away completely or just stay in contact with that third person every once in a while (don't be stalker-ish, but it does give you a link in case something happens between her and her new bf).

    What, exactly, did she do other than contact you and answer the questions you asked her? Other than getting in touch with you (on what seems to be a friendly basis only), I don't see what she did personally to stir things up. I think YOU stirred things up, and are now pissed because you didn't get the result you had fantasized about.
     
  3. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I think if you both have feelings for one another that's one thing and there is a possible near future, however before anything she needs to break up with her current boyfriend; especially considering she's still in love with you.

    You need to have enough respect and backbone to not only understand this, but to let her know this has to happen if anything will go on between you two.
     
  4. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Don't pressure her and don't suggest she goes out with you despite her b/f.

    She made contact with you and this is a small open window. Don't expect too much too soon. Just keep contact with her (maybe message a couple times a week or something) and see where that goes. If you two get into another conversation about her loving you and there still being feeling there tell her that she needs to end it with the current b/f first.

    Just play it cool and give it time to develop. You've been waiting a long time for this (contact with her again) so it's understandable, but you need to chill out.

    If after a couple months of random talking she is still hesitant and nothing has developed you might want to stop talking to her and hit the road because at that point it shows she is pretty serious with the other guy and you are likely to get friendzoned.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    so let me get this straight...you spent THREE HOURS trying to ask out an EX who HAS A BF?

    just on the "appeal to women" scale, do you realize how low on the scale this makes you look?

    If nothing else, learn from it in this way. You spent 3 years trying to get a date from a taken woman, and you got shot down.

    Next time, limit asking someone out to 5-10 minutes.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    why didn't you cut the bullshit and say hi to her instead of hiding?
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I like how you are blaming her as if she's putting you through shit...when you're the one who treated her like shit in the first place and are now asking her out knowing full and well she has a bf.

    Stop being oblivious. She still obviously has feelings for you but is afraid to ruin what she has now, which is probably a good thing (but not great enough) for a guy who might just treat her like shit or your relationship will just never blossom into anything worth while. Leave her alone from now on. Let her decide what she wants to do.
     
  8. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I don't know, bro, I think you spilled the beans too early. I'm assuming this is the first talk you two had since the split. It has been two years. You can't just talk to her for the first time and already asking her back. The best and most logical advice is for you to stop thinking about her and move on. You probably don't like that advice so let me give you another one. Next time you make any contact with her, make sure you try to take back what you said. Tell her you got caught up in the moment and it doesn't look like a good idea for you two to get back. Tell her you still have feelings for her but it just won't meant to be for you two. Then wish her happiness in her current relationship. Ok now the thing is to make her feel comfortable in talking to you because you probably weirded her out before. Let time for you two to reconnect and get to know each other again. She will NOT leave her current bf when she doesn't feel close to you yet. If she feels happier with you than with her bf, then she will choose you. Everything will takes a little time, it won't happen overnight. You have to build her up to the possibility of what it's like with you. Make her wonders if she left her bf, would you take her. Then again you might just headed for a big fall and more pain. Good luck.
     
  9. Tzuma

    Tzuma New Member

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    This. She may or may not come around full circle, but for now, she just wanted to be validated that her 'improved' ex still wants her.

    Definitely play it cool going forward. If you broke up originally because you were insecure and not forward enough, Id say you did the right thing. But, you broke up because you were basically an ass. So, why start off the same way?
     
  10. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    He said they talked for 3 hours.. online.. That's about the same as a 45 minute phone call if you ask me, and he said it took a while before he said enough is enough and asked her. He was probably just having a normal conversation "catching up" before he asked.
     
  11. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    Keep in mind, guys, she messaged him first - he's not completely in the wrong at this point.

    Leave her alone, man. Her current boyfriend doesn't deserve this shit and it's fucked up that you're trying to get her to go out with you while she has a SO. If she wants you, she'll break up with him first.
     
  12. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I really appreciate all your comments that you guys posted. Even though i seem like the bad one, i was in the past, not in this situation. I really think it is fucked up of the two girls, the one playing the middle person trying to get information out of me. If my ex wanted to know that shit, she should just have asked me herself. Next at the video store i felt kinda awkward starting any conversation, so i just kept my distance. Even though i do love, i havent gone contacting her or anything cause i have to realize we broke up because of a reason. The main reason i dumped her, even though i blame myself, is because she cheated on me with her ex and had sex with him. I blame myself cause i ignored her alot and she stayed loyal for a long time when i giving her so much stress



     
  13. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    That doesn't change the fact that it was REALLY fucked up of you to try and get her to go out on a date with you not once, but twice and especially because she already said she was in a relationship.
     
  14. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    i would have never messaged her to begin with, and she tells me she still loves me and cares for me. She misses me and if she wasn't with her bf, she would be with me. she just shouldn't have fucking messaged me if she is confused on what she wants. I fett like i did really nothing wrong at all. I feel like she was being immature as hell asking a lady to go and ask me about my current situation etc. Why couldn't she just contact me directly and cut the bullshit out.


    Leave her alone, man. Her current boyfriend doesn't deserve this shit and it's fucked up that you're trying to get her to go out with you while she has a SO. If she wants you, she'll break up with him first.[/QUOTE]
     
  15. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    She's obviously still got a thing for you, but she's looking for validation for her feelings. You obviously gave it to her already.


    She did contact you directly and spent three hours chatting with you online cutting out the bullshit. Stop being a baby and be a man about this. Yes, it sucks. Yes, she's still got feelings for you. Yes, she was being immature by sending her friend to fish around before talking to you directly.

    You need to understand that encouraging her to go out with you twice and after she reiterated that she was in a relationship is fucked up and cannot be condoned. You're asking for us to validate your actions and I can't agree that you're not at fault for at least part of this situation. You're actively encouraging someone to cheat on their SO.

    If you really want this work, you will tell her that you've still got feelings for her and that this can't move forward unless she breaks up with her boyfriend. He doesn't deserve this shit, just like she didn't deserve to be treated like shit by you the first time around.

    Edit:

    Wow, I completely missed the sex-with-the-ex part. So essentially, you're trying to get her to repeat her past mistakes - only now you're helping her fuck over someone else. Got it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2008
  16. fray

    fray New Member

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    Well, good. At least you know you have a chance even though she has a boyfriend.
     
  17. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    So why would you want to get back with her?
     
  18. fray

    fray New Member

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    I wondered that too. Once the "Oh my god, I don't have her and she was the love of my life" feelings wear off, it'll be the same old mistrust issues....
     
  19. BradUF

    BradUF Guest


    LoL Who gives a fucking about the boyfriend? Do whatever you want, hurt crush and destroy anything in your way.
     
  20. UrbanKnight

    UrbanKnight Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun

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    And just remember you did that when she gets with you, and then cheats on you AGAIN with the next dude.....


    Sorry man, move on.

    UK
     
  21. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Not reading any of that.

    There is only one solution.

    Stop talking to her.
     
  22. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    the only reason i would accept her back is because i put her through so much crap, that i deserved to be cheated on. It was a one night thing, which makes it no better, but i ignored her so much in our relationship. It was almost as we weren't dating, because i put her last on my list all the time.
     
  23. fray

    fray New Member

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    yes, because certainly she shouldn't have just broken up with you back then and went on her merry way if she was unhappy. No, she chose the mature route and cheated.
     
  24. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I feel you man... I had a past g/f I didn't treat well either and I almost felt like I "owed" it to her to be great to her and make up for everything... but she never cheated.

    Point is, if she is worth your time she would have dumped you and THEN fucked another guy. She wouldn't have cheated.
    That just goes to show her thought process and sense of maturity. She did it as a revenge fuck and that's not cool... and being with a girl like that is asking for more trouble.

    She cheated in the past, and now she has a b/f.
    She saw how good you look now and just wanted to validate you still wanting her and she wanted to know that she had a backup plan with you incase things with her current s/o get bad.
    A girl never leaves a guy without another option... NEVER.

    Stay away.
     
  25. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    He's got a point. Stay away.
     

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