SRS What the fuck is my problem?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Skinny Pimp, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    I'm not necessarily depressed over what I am going to type as I am just slightly upset and beginning to get frustrated in it.

    I go to the same club every saturday, it's free and I know a lot of people. Me and a friend of mine are basically the dancers in the place. Not hired, not "technically", but....we dance. A lot. No BBAy, just hip-hop. I live in Atlanta, so do the math. The clubs we go to have stages. One upstairs has a big stage, down has 2 small side stages.

    I'm white, he is black. This isn't exactly important but....we gel together well and bounce off each other. I draw the most attention because...well...i'm white and know how to dance. I'm also 6'5" 190 so that helps.

    The past few weeks i've been adding to my "skill set" and have gotten bigger and bigger crowds of people watching me and my friend dance. My issue is that I will notice, and spot, women staring all night and I won't bother to approach and say anything.

    Now, naturally, I am:

    Short Tempered
    Angry
    Reserved/Slightly Shy

    I am going through some anger management right now. Working on my temper. Like a waitress at my job said "I think you mean well and have a good heart, honestly....but you just suck at controlling yourself." She is right, to a T. Someone pushes me, i'm punching them. Someone talks shit to me, i'm punching them. My point is that for all the attention given to me, it should be easy for me to break this horrid 4 month sexless drought i've been in. I've considered contacting 2 of my previous fuck buddies, but I can't bring myself to it. I find it so much easier to meet women when I end droughts, but right now, it's the hardest drought ever.

    Right now, I don't want to find a date in a club. I just want to fuck. I've hit a wall. I don't understand how I can stand in front of 30-40 people watching me dance while more then half are females, some waving and what not, and I won't do a damn thing. If they come up on stage or stop me when I walk by, i'm fine. Over the last month i've gotten 3 numbers, I was just stood up each time. :o

    I don't really know what to expect from this forum as I don't post here, but i'm not going to look for some PUA garbage on the internet. Honestly, I think this is more to do with my anger management than anything. Ever since i've taken a strong approach to controlling myself better 2 months ago, I've found it unbelievably difficult to be out going with people I don't know unless you approach me. Before, I found myself more out going.

    I'm lost.

    Seriously. Thinking of this makes me angry and as I tell my friends, puts me into "beast mode" where I just want to look for a fight. I already expect to go into work @ 6PM tomorrow angry just by thinking about how I suck at approaching, or lack thereof, women.

    :mad:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Knowing how to deal with Anger and Girls are basically 2 different issues, and getting them under control is basically an art in its own.

    You need to re-direct the anger into doing constructive things. Consider anger as extra energy that needs to be released. Hit the gym, go jogging,play golf or tennis so that you release that extra amount of steam
    that you have stored inside of yourself. That way you build up muscle and release excessive anger while your at it.

    When it comes to girls, dont go with them just for sex, although i understand you, i know that doing that stuff will just bite you back in the end. I firmly believe that you shouldnt play with human lives like that. Act like a man and be serious about what you do. Go with a woman for a serious relationship.

    In terms of approuching them, stop thinking (what if this or that happens that will ruin it) , think like this

    Its a win win situation, if you ask a girl out and she says no, then you can never blame yourself for not trying, if you ask her out and she says yes, then you ve got a date. Fear just imprisons you, and that causes the frustration that makes you angry.

    I mean look at it, you fear to get rejected, as a result you dont get a date, and as a result of that you get angry. All this stuff is connected, so the moment you stop your fears, is also the moment you can stop your anger.

    The best way to do this is the following, you know many people think too much when it comes to asking girls out. Just put your mind on zero and go for it.
     
  3. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    I suck at giving advice but I just wanted to tell you something so hopefully you try to focus on the good side of things instead of on the bad side, because that's all you're doing.

    Feel fortunate you have an ability to dance and draw attention, especially from women, and feel fortunate you know they stare. Feel fortunate that the waitress could see past everything and know you're a good person. Not a lot of people nowadays have that ability.

    Some people, like me, can't attract anyone for shit and have no visible talents, and nobody appreciates whatever you have going on. And that, my friend, is what really sucks. Eight months without sex here.
     
  4. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    I got a gym membership 2 weeks ago. Ive been wanting to gain weight and I also figured I would use it as some anger management control. I took 3 days off to let my body rest and heal, but thus far the management side and releasing stress and anger is slow.

    I've basically hit a mental block period with PEOPLE in general. So when it comes to females, it's 5 times worse.

    I had my hopes set high for a blog, have a .com, OT Sports crew enjoyed reading it, traffic was slowly increasing.

    Then I got really sick, a nasty sinus infection and I put it on the back burner until I got 100% so I could rest and relax and not sit on my computer all day typing.

    The problem ever since i've gotten better is i've hit that mental block. Or, writers block. I havent logged into my site in ages because I can't think of what to write. I can sit on OT and go off on a whim, but when it comes to jotting down subjects to type about for my blog I hit a road block.

    My point....is it sucks. :o

    I went on a date with a 39 year old, i'm 24. :o I figured I didn't have much of a chance (this was a month ago) for a 2nd or 3rd date because of the age gap and I was right. The thing I took out of it was that I knocked the rust off as I havent been on a meaningful date in like 6...7 months prior. But, a week later, once again, mental block.

    The sad part is it's getting so bad i'm getting to the point of drinking alcohol more often then not, even at work, just so I can be more sociable with customers when i'm behind the bar (bar back, not a bartender). The only places I am in my groove where I can open freely seems to be a basketball court and a bar during a football game when everyone has the same agenda...to watch the game and meet people.

    I'm brutally honest with people, there isn't a lot of sugar coating going on when I talk to someone. But when I leave work or my house or a friends house and go to a bar, a club, the mall....I can see a girl, know what I want to do or say, not feel nervous, as I walk over i'll forget shit. And even if I open my mouth and get 3 sentances out, i'm back to square one in 2 minutes as I hit a mental block of what I wanted to say and then it all comes back to me 2 minutes after I ran her off with silence. This happened on St. Pattys day, had a girl all over me but my mental blocks killed any chances of anything happening and I went home alone.
     
  5. Mugatu

    Mugatu Ask me about market research. OT Supporter

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    Not to be a dick but you only have one simple problem - although the solution is not at all easy or simple.

    You are a slave because you can't control yourself. I'm not going to sugar coat it with BS like "anger management", what you need to do is to control yourself. In the end, that is the only control any of us have and being a slave to yourself means that you are also a slave to others because it is extremely easy to control someone who cannot control him or herself.

    Again, I'm not trying to be a dick or to shrug off your problems and concerns but this is the way I see.
     
  6. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    I know I need to control myself, but trust me, people don't control me. People at my work fear me. People at my school won't even attempt to.

    Small example:

    I tell my boss i'm not happy with him scheduling me 3 days, I tell him if happens again im done working there. He says "fuck josh, i'll give you what you want, 5 days? fine, just don't shoot me."

    Like I said, I couldn't tell you the last time someone "controlled" me. It's not because i'm afraid to see the truth, but because people know my mindset and I have the label of being a fighter in my group of friends. :o

    When I enter my club, they will ask me "no fights today, ok?"

    :o

    I hate it. But like you said, I can't control myself. And I don't know how to control myself. :dunno:
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i feel you on the no pua deal

    my advice would be to stop masturbating

    if you see women as your sole sexual outlet, everything should take care of itself

    i used to have a horrible temper like you when i was younger btw

    you can control yourself. you are choosing not to.
     
  8. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    If you just want bedroom action from women, you already know what to do. I flipped out earlier this week, then went out with a buddy and I was back on the horse.

    When I go into the spot, I always have approach anxiety on the first one. Then I flip the switch, and I talk to every woman I see and just run game on them. Just say whatever the fuck you want, whatever is on your mind. Don't run the shitty, tired routines. Look at them in the eyes, realizing that you are about to give them the best viking fucking of their life. Get yourself thinking that you're unstoppable. You can cut out at any time, just walk off.

    You're a fucking dancer. You have the moves to sweep the women up, so use it. Take control and own the room. Don't do the PUA crap if that's not you. Its not me, I just talked about what I wanted to on saturday night to 9 sets of women and went home with 4 numbers. I ejected early on every one because I'm not comfortable having sex today, maybe in a few days I'll scoop one up and take her back to the house. You're in control of everything you do with women once you harness what you already have, and use it.
     
  9. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    good points.

    I suck at PUA routines. I've tried them, i've spent hours reading up on them, doesn't fit my personality. IMHO, PUA are general liars and bullshitters. I don't know PUA and I make it a goal to not become friends or associates with them. I'm just to honest and up front to bullshit people.

    I'm like you, I talk about whatever I want to talk about, I just change it up a bit with women.

    Thing i've been working on is being more aggressive at bars and clubs with women. Instead of asking about what they are doing in a week, I ask what they are doing when they leave the club. I used to think that it came off stalkerish/scum baggish like, but I haven't had any problems thus far. Just being stood up, but they don't come off freaked out. :o
     
  10. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    #1, I won't stop masturbating. Not yet. :o

    #2, i'm sure I can control myself. I just feel like it's chemical related in my head. I don't take meds, I don't want to take meds. But even when I start to get pissed off about something and I start to talk myself out of getting pissed off or why I should calm down...I continue to get pissed off. If not double pissed off just because i'm trying to calm myself down. My friends know not to calm me down, it just pisses me off even more. And it always has a chemical/mindfuck feeling to it. :o

    When I fight, I get tunnel vision. So, :dunno:

    this has been a good week as far as controlling my temper goes.

    The problem is for every 2....3 good weeks I have of controlling myself, I run into a problem one night on the town, a fight, altercation, something....that sets me back 6 weeks.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Bipolar? Ever been to see a doc?
     
  12. BigBadJohn

    BigBadJohn Pay-back time OT Supporter

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    I wish I had opportunities to meet women. All I ever do is go to school (tech school with like 95-98% male enrollment) and work. Plus I live in the middle of nowhere so its not like theres any big bars or clubs around
     
  13. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    that must really suck. I need the big city.
     
  14. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    You have to psych yourself up. If you can own the room, realize it, then its already been communicated, and you can stop asking women for phone numbers and dates, and start telling them.

    We're all liars and bullshitters, PUA guys are just fucking losers who need to find hobbies. However, you can learn from them. Imagine if you had the skills they do, and a real personality to go behind it.
     
  15. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    Yea, thanks. That's why I asked, maybe to have someone re-enforce this shit into my head. Like saturday I went to the club alone because all my friends pulled out and want to wait for my BDay Saturday. I considered leaving but I told myself I've been becoming to co-dependent. I won't go to the club unless a friend is with me. so I went inside, and then by the 3rd song, sober....danced. Had a group of really ugly women never leave me alone, 2 ugly black women...never leave me alone...and some guy buy me a drink. :hsugh:

    I hope this is a sign that I got the ugly women out of the way for my birthday party. :o

    Either way, I do need to remember that I basically run the entire dance floor when I go to clubs. Even if I go to larger black dominant clubs, I run shit. :o I just need to stop being shy and go after females I see constantly staring.
     
  16. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    I'm not one to diagnose myself, but from reading up on Bipolar definitions and cases on the internet, I don't have it. I've also never seen a doctor. But I just don't carry the normal bipolar tendencies. I think i'm more hateful than Bipolar people are. :o
     
  17. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    It sounds to me like you're overreacting to the possibility of being controlled by other people. Your boss tells you you're only working 3 days and you want to work 5 days, that's control -- or rather, it could be percieved as control. I would say it is, since technically he gets to decide whether you work or not.

    So I would suggest two things: 1) figure out who "the man" is that originally held you down, and deal with them directly instead of taking it out on everyone else, and 2) accept that you are one of 6 billion people and every single one of them has the capacity to end your life if they see fit, and try to keep them from wanting to do it.
     
  18. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    Meh, i've been at my job for over a year. He gave newer people that work slower than me 4 days. I told him the last time that happened I quit, but an ex-manager convinced me to come back. I told him that if it happened again I will quit again, the only difference is I won't come back. :o

    He gave me 4 days this week, I also requested 4 days off, but he made me work saturday. I even told him this week is the exception to the rule because its my birthday weekend.

    I'd venture to say finding some "ultimate" guy who has "held me down" will take years of therapy because there is no possible way I can think of some shit like that on my own while posting on OT.
     
  19. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Your description of your temper is exactly like mine is (especially the tunnel vision).

    I learned to control it. I have never had to take any medication.

    You say you won't stop masturbating. Why? Its not forever. Try it for a week or so. You can always start right up again.

    If you aren't horny, you are less apt to approach chicks. Its that simple.
     
  20. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    Good point. I'll give it a shot this week considering my birthday party is on saturday and i'm going to get pretty shit faced. at the damned bare minimum i need to walk out with some numbers to show some progress.

    my temper is better now than it was 2 years ago. it's better now than it was just ONE year ago.

    Like I said, the problem is i've fallen back on my anger and temper so much that when I go a few weeks without any issues, I run into that one day where something happens and the "2 steps forward, 3 steps back" saying comes into play. Or whatever the correct saying is. It happened to me about 2 weeks ago. Everything was fine, and then I was grumpy, angry, short tempered, and snapping on people at work. Ever since then, i'm fine. But I fall back on my anger/whiny brashness still too often.
     
  21. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I found a good way to cope with it.

    Why do men get nervous around woman they want to have sex with? The reason is they CARE about what the woman will say and how she will react to him.

    Instead of going to a woman with the idea of 'i want sex and dating her' simply stop caring about wether you will succeed or not having a date with her, if the pressure is gone you've got nothing to lose afteral. That way you show you have a life of your own to live, which is a bonus attraction for woman.

    Honestly stop caring what woman will think of your reaction, just talk to them to have a great time. Talking was never meant as a form of torture.

    It might sound silly but if you have Winamp, just listen to the Comedy Channels for 1 hour each day, you laugh a lot and you'll see how wonderfull talking and humor is to have a great time. That way you wont have a mental block and actually can have a lot of fun while talking to woman,just for a laugh
     
  22. Skinny Pimp

    Skinny Pimp OK

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    good solid points all around. when i get back from the mall tonight i will substitute some comedy channels from shoutcast for game sound from the 360. :o

    :bowdown:
     
  23. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd: mod edit: trust me i know what i am saying :o
     
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  24. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Most people are too lazy to control their temper because of their upbringing. Noone encouraged them to not act out....so they learned early on that if you act out, you get some pay off.

    It's very similar to monkeys, lions, bears and any other wild animal. If they get away with a behavior long enough, no matter how destructive, it becomes a habit.

    Old habits are hard to break.....especially alone because it's so easy to break a commitment to ourselves.....afterall, we're the ones that made the commitment so why can't we break it when we want to? This is why so many people break their New Years resolutions.

    Character building exercises and imposing discipline on ourselves usually always feels like punishment. However, IMO this is caused by a simple lack of motivation to change.

    Anthony Robbins has an excellent program for pushing us to change in ways we never thought possible. He also provides motivation for these changes and helps us help ourselves. You can find his books and tape programs at most public libraries.

    If you want to stop acting out in anger, you must learn new ways to deal with stress. You must learn new ways of interacting with people and you must learn new ways to deal with set backs in life. Guess what slick....we all have to do this.

    However, most people would rather bitch on this forum about how anger and life are so uncontrollable and they just can't help themselves. Now that I've given you suggestions to follow, the question is, will you continue to bitch or will you go out and find solutions to your issues?

    Me personally, I give no value to bitchers, whiners or complainers. I'm not perfect....hell far from it. I've had to bust my ass to overcome my drinking problems and all sorts of other shit....but I wanted a different life and I've created that. So I know it's possible....if one is properly motivated.
     

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