What should I expect to happen next?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Enron John, Apr 14, 2008.

  1. Enron John

    Enron John :mamorlu: OT Supporter

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    Ive been with my GF for 5 years now and today it ended.

    A little background, she has been living at my house for 3 years (im 24) because she has family problems. She considers my family her family because she has been around so long. Its the "we (my family) were there for her when her family wasn't" type of deal. We helped her with a car, school, job/career etc. Now that she is moving out, she tells me how she feels she is losing a part of her life that is so close to her.

    We've been everywhere and done everything together. In the time we have been together, we stopped talking for a month (this was about 2 years ago) because she "needed her space". When that month was over, she was the one that came back to me. I am unsure of why I took her back I know its against OT's rules.

    The reason its over is because when we would have little fights/arguments we always talked about how we could fix things. This happened about 10 times and no changes ever occurred. When I get angry with her I completely shut her out for days at a time and I cant help it (thats something she was supposed to help me fix). I shut her out a for a few days last week and she told me how angry it made her and she was tired of it and she knows I cant help it. So I told her the ball is in her court and for her to make the decision because I didn't care and don't want the drama.

    So she said we shouldn't be together right now, which I am fine with. We weren't yelling, it was mutual

    Part of me wanted it to be over so I could see what else is out there as it was my first long-term relationship. Then the other part of me kicks myself in the ass because she was great, never cheated, always told me where she was going, I've never had to check on her type of girl. Those girls seem hard to come by.

    I know OT will say to avoid her but we work in the same building so I see her daily. And what I don't get is is that I asked her if she was going to start seeing other people (just out of curiosity) and she said no. She then said she will be waiting for the day I ask her to marry me I couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. Marriage is not even in the picture for me and she knows that.

    What is she doing/thinking and what should I expect if anything? OT was right the first time so Im just curious to see what you guys/girls say. Thanks
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Doesn't sound like you guys are in love. Sounds like you're both just co-dependent on each other.....For that reason, you shouldn't be together.

    It's obvious she'll eventually try to get you back and it sounds like you'll probably take her back because you aren't used to being alone and also since you feel too guilty to cut her out of your life. You (moreso her) need to become your own dependent person. She wants you to propose because in her mind that's the final nail in the coffin. She'll have you and she'll never have to worry again about being alone.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I'll be honest:

    The whole "We can't be together right now" and then "She's waiting for the day I ask her to marry me" line is fucked up.

    I firmly believe that if you can be in a viable marriage with someone, you can be together at the present time. Distance and such may get in the way, but you can still "be together".

    Do you get at all how fucked up that sounds? It's creepy. And it's not really fair to you...she's taking the relationship for granted (she assumes you will ask her to get back together at some point), but at the same time, she's majorly disrespecting it (we can't be together now).

    She assumes that you will come back to her, and that she can just come back to you no questions asked when she feels like it.

    Huge disconnect. I say "fuck that!" You want to be in a relationship with me in the future, you have to be in it right now. None of this saying "I'll come back to it in a year or few years". I don't wait around for people.

    Minimize contact with this girl to work only, she's messed up.
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    The fact that she doesn't do these bad things does not mean that she is the perfect girl for you. There are plenty of girls who don't cheat. You can find a girl who doesn't cheat/is trustworthy and fulfills the other things that are lacking with this girl.
     
  5. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    ^

    + you'll have that want to get back for a while, the fact is that it didn't work and you've broken up for a reason. Try to remember that around temptation.
    There's pain and lonliness now, but by the sounds of it your getting back with her is only going to be asking for more of it. just my opinion.
     
  6. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    i predict that you'll get back together
     
  7. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    You're going to be back together within 2 weeks TOPS.
     
  8. Enron John

    Enron John :mamorlu: OT Supporter

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    Just a question, why and how is it obvious that she will try to get me back? Why do girls do this worthless stuff anyway? meaning breaking up and getting back together.

    As for the marriage part, is you say she will never have to worry about being alone again, then why does she want to be alone now?

    MattThom01 and silver0834
    Yeah, I understand 110%.

    honestly is seems like a stupid reason we broke up, I'm sure it could have been fixed but what do I know. And there inst much pain. Onward and upward

    So an update on her way to my house last night, she said she needed to take a shower and I said "Can I join you in the shower" she said sure. She came home took a shower (I didn't get in with her) when she was done she was angry I didn't get in with her. :ugh: I thought she didnt want to be with me anymore? Then proceeded to give me a kiss. Then I asked her later in the night why she invited me in with her and kissed me and then she asked me if I planned it out to ask her that question, she seemed angry about that but whatever. I then told her I dont want it to be a relationship where we break up and get back together and then she was silent. I asked "is it going to be like that and she said "no"

    Enlighten me OT, whats her deal?

    And why's everyone saying we'll get back together? How can you guys/girls tell it really isnt over.
     
  9. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    her deal is she doesnt want to be completely alone but she doesnt want to be with you either. its the gray area between being in a relationship and being single. its basically a fuck buddy situation with someone you used to really care for. it doesnt work out

    she might not be the right girl for you. you have to be strong enough to realize this and walk away completely. you will never be able to move on if you keep seeing her, talking to her, kissing her, etc. its going to stick you in that limbo that will be painful for much longer than if you just cut ties right now.

    ive done this myself. gotten back with an ex time and time again. its never a good idea. so remind yourself, why did you break up? what were the issues? there is a reason its not working. so stay apart. this doesnt mean you have to hate her though. she may never have cheated and always been honest, but shes not the only girl out there like that, i promise
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Because it's always a cycle. She can't live without you in a way because you are practically all that she knows and has really. You and your family have done everything for her. It's hard for a co-dependent person to truly let someone out of their life.

    She's testing you, trying to figure things out-it's hard to say really without actually knowing her. But a lot of people push others away. She could even be doing it in hopes that you will come running to her, thereby proving how much you care. It's no secret though that a lot of people think that by getting their SO to marry them they've somehow finally got them roped in, which is what it seems she is thinking in your case. Instead of ever solving all your issues with one another she just hopes you'll marry her either way and it will either "fix itself" or be forgotten.

    :uh: I can't help but laugh at the fact that you asked us all "how do you know I'll go back to her?" and of course you cave within days. You seem to be a little clueless...It's obvious she doesn't want you out of her life. She hasn't left your place, she's telling you to join her in the shower, then she kissed you...

    Why do you keep asking what she is thinking? It's not rocket science, she wants you to want her and forget all of your problems. The real question is

    WHAT DO YOU WANT?

    and we can all tell you'll get back together because you guys aren't even apart right now :ugh:
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2008
  11. Enron John

    Enron John :mamorlu: OT Supporter

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    I honestly have no idea what I want, these games are stupid. But something in the back of my head is telling me that she wants marriage. But I know thats what you guys have been saying.

    Thanks for the response. I didnt "cave", I asked her that to see how she would react, seriously. Also because I think that she isnt 100% sure of what she is doing by the way she has been acting, but who knows. And when I came home from work today she was wearing a shirt of mine. She hasnt done that in a while. Also says she is moving out tomorrow.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She's testing you, that's all there is to it. Actions speak louder than words and her actions are practically screaming for you to try and keep her around and validate her. You asking if you could take a shower with her was just silly. You're too old to be playing those games and skirting the issues with one another.

    If she is actually moving out tomorrow I'd say it would be in your best interests to not talk to her and try to move on. It sounds like you two keep each other around out of routine, not love.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You can't figure out what you want until you truly have the option/opportunity to do whatever you want. As long as she is around, or in contact with you, she will hold you back, whether you know it or not.

    And yes, the shower thing was a bad move. Even if she had said no, it would have still hung out there in the open, and she would know that you still had sexual interest in her...and she would use that to her advantage.

    Immature women do this shit all the time. She'll break up with you, tell you she doesn't want to be with you....but then a few days/weeks later, she gets lonely/horny, and who does she call? Yep, she calls you.

    So, you go fool around have sex with her...you tell yourself, it's just sex, you won't get attached. Give it a few times...then she starts talking about the other guys she likes or is seeing...and suddenly, you're jealous and resenting her for the breakup.

    And then she has you eating out of the palm of her hand...she can get attention/time from you, or from any of the other guys she is seeing...

    I'm not saying this WILL happen to you, but it certainly could. I'm sure quite a few of this have had it happen to us, or know someone who it has happened to.
     
  14. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    in out in out shake it all about, I'm confused because you're confused. I'd read that it was already over thinking that when you had said "The reason its over" it meant you were over. aaah :run:

    Read the above two responces I agree on both counts.
     
  15. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    :bowrofl:
     
  16. Italian Mafia

    Italian Mafia New Member

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    It honestly sounds like you don't even know why you broke up. You need to take time and think about what you really want (I don't mean sit down for 20 minutes and decide). Respect her original decision, and take a few weeks apart to think about it. I just recently ended a 3 year relationship, and it was tough. We were very dependent on each other. A lot of people told me to block him out of my life, but I didn't see that happening. Although he lives in a different city, we both have a close relationship with each others friends and family. For now, we are just really good friends, although their is an awkwardness because the breakup was not mutual.

    As for what she is thinking, it sounds to me like ignoring her made her feel like there was someone or something more important than her. She is probably not angry that you did it, but upset about it. I know I don't like to be ignored, and I usually think that there is something else wrong, other than the little verbal disagreement from earlier. As for the marriage comment, it could go either way. She could have been serious in a sense that she doesn't want to ever have to feel like you don't love her, and a ring on her finger would solve that. OR, she could have been mentioning it to see your reaction. If you can't go a day without thinking about her, and you can't stand the thought of being with some other girl, or her being with some other guy, then you two need to try to work things out. I think in the back of your head you still want to be with her. Give it some time. Just don't ignore her completely...you will have lost your significant other and your best friend if you do that.
     
  17. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

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    damn........this one is deep.
     
  18. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    .
     
  19. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Been their done that... Its so easy to say to yourself that you want her because there will be a feeling of emptyness after she is gone. Dont make the mistake of thinking its her that can fill that void. It is just your used to having someone close with you all the time. Its hard to not walk back into that mistake. i have done it many times.
     

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