SRS What should I do about my brother?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kinsbane, Dec 24, 2005.

  1. Kinsbane

    Kinsbane Life is a dream from which we all must wake. OT Supporter

    May 22, 2002
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    A little background. My brother is 28 and I am 24. He and I had a good relationship growing up, we were never deprived, or hit by our parents.
    We had things we wanted, and everything we could want. In 1995, he enlisted in the Army and I've rarely seen him since, except for when he
    was able to go on leave, and when I took a 2-week trip to Germany for my birthday to hang out with him and his friends.

    This past May, I get a call from his wife, and she says I need to do something about him. I'm not one to stand for people outright telling me what
    to do, unless they're my boss at work or my parents. So I asked her what's going on, and she said he'd been having an affair since March or so.

    You see, he's in an intelligence unit attached to the 101st. He got sent to AZ with his unit to do training and his particular training was flying Predator drones.
    He's scheduled to get rotated back to Iraq when he completes school (he was there once, to help the 101st Airborne pack up and move out of Mosul back to the states),
    for as many as 18 months. So I tell my sister in law I would talk and do what I could.

    So one day he and I are talking online (Yahoo IM) and I ask if he's got pictures of this new girl. he says yeah and he emails them to me.
    One of the pictures had a ring on her finger and I asked him about it. He mentioned they were engaged and that they were getting married next June (in 2006).
    That took me for a shock, I can tell you. He wasn't even divorced from his current wife, and only separated because of the Army.
    So then he tells me that if I go to the wedding, he'd have gifts for me, including an authentic, engraved sabre from the 1st Cavalry. I told him I'd have to think about it, and I never have
    given him a solid answer.

    So then, the conversation got around to what he's doing, and how it's affecting everyone. My mom and her parents were pissed to the point they were ready to remove him from any wills & beneficiaries they had setup in his name should they pass. I mentioned to him that he was really hurting my mom and it was making me angry to listen to her tell me how hurt she is and I can't make anything better. He said he didn't care, that he was tired of not being selfish, of not doing anything for himself, of always doing stuff for others, and he's tired of it and wants to do something for himself. He got angry with me for not understanding his position (cause i really don't), and that was the last time we talked, sometime around May 10th.

    Fast forward to yesterday when I called my mom on break for work to find out what she wanted for Christmas. And when I asked her she started crying and said, "Your brother. I want your brother back for Christmas." This, of course, tore me up and I asked what she was talking about.

    She said that he had driven back to KY to be with his wife and their daughter (who's 1-year old now) and spend Christmas with them. He had filed for divorce, but then was kicking around the idea of rescinding it until later when he was absolutely sure that's what he wanted. Going to KY to my sis-in-law and niece for Christmas was kind of a nice gesture after the whole possibility of rescinding the divorce. He made it okay, and somehow he managed to put
    away 18 beers the night before. My mom was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone, and my brother got really angry, and argumentative. From what my mom said and what my sis-in-law told her later was that he grabbed her cell phone, smashed it against the wall. Then, he grabbed her, threw her up against the wall, hit her, forced her on the ground, pinned her there, and hit her again (both times were to the head / face). Then he stormed outside, where their dog was (it's a beagle named Snoopy), picked up the dog and threw the dog against the fence.

    He was screaming and yelling and this and that, and my sis-in-law called the MP's (their house is Army-provided on-base) and they came and put him in lockdown where he's restricted for 72 hours and has to call and check in to the MP HQ every hour, on the hour. Luckily, nothing happened to my niece. And, this probably wasn't a good idea, but I could see why she did it, my sis-in-law ended up slashing a tire on my brother's car and taking his keys so he wouldn't drive drunk anywhere.

    So now, my mom's really hurt that her son would do this, my dad and I are angry at him for hitting his wife, and it's not gonna be a good Christmas for them.

    I know I'm angry about all of this, I want to do something, something to hurt him, something to help her and my niece, but I don't know what. I don't even know that that's the best way to do anything. Should I leave it alone and chalk it up to being their problem, not mine? Should I try and interject? Should I try and talk some sense into my brother? Should I beat his ass?

    :ugh: What the fuck do I do? :wtc:
  2. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    May 29, 2000
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    San Diego, CA
    Wow, that's horrible :( I hope your sister-in-law divorces him and gets full custody of the child. He doesn't deserve to see his daughter if he is going to act like that because he may end up hurting her someday too. If you want to help the girls you could help them find a place to stay out near you and your parents so you could make sure they are safe. Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do to help your brother :( You could try talking some sense into him but it may not help much. I don't think beating him up is the answer though. You would be better off showing him how much he has hurt everyone that loves him and how disappointed all of you are in him. Good luck :hug:
  3. lilmonkee

    lilmonkee Resident Pharm.D. :)

    Jun 1, 2000
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    Houston, Texas
    All the posters above me have stated the obvious answer. They need a divorce. In time I'm sure he'll realize the wrong he did and ask for forgiveness, but only he can see that for himself. The words can't be shoved into his head.

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