SRS what is wrong with me....(friends)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mhrc4, Feb 28, 2005.

  1. mhrc4

    mhrc4 New Member

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    psychoanalyze me please....

    i wont go into a hell of a lot of detail, because i dont believe it to be 100% pertinent, but here goes...

    I have never been an overly popular person, even through HS and College, but I had my friends from High School and college, and we kept semi-close because we all live relatively close to each other (under 30 miles)

    Anyhow, once I met my now wife, she was somewhat of the same way, and to this day, we have friends that pretty much originate from family members, and long standing friends. We seem to go in phases, but lately we have been hanging out with our friends from my wife's family.

    My friends seem to have fallen by the way-side, because they are mostly 24-30 years old, ALL of them either live at home, or not far from it, all single, and all wrapped up in the dating, drinking, club scene. I guess from that, I can deduce that we dont share a TON in common anymore, but the invitations to do anything or even hang out have been slowly happening less frequently. I honestly have not talked to any of them in probably a month. My wife has talked to a few from time to time, but no plans ever made, nothing ever really gets discussed. Recently friends went to Vegas for fun, we were never even invited, i didnt hear about it til today. Oh well, it seems that I am losing my friends I guess...

    But then back to my wife's family/friends (originates from her brother and his wife, 2 or 3 of their friends, a longtime friend of my wife and his sister) We hang out with them almost on a weekly basis, even though they are over 80 miles away.

    The problem with me, i really dont know. Recently I have been extremely critical and pissy of our friends, their shortcomings and things they do that upset or piss me off. Why? I dont know, weve been friends all for almost 5 years, and this literally has been the first time its happened in that long, and its been for the last month. Just little things that annoy me or piss me off about everyone (for the most part)

    I tend to not want to hang out with them, not really want to do anything with them, or when we do, and i try and suck it up, i get really pissy really easy with some of them. Not to the point of saying something to their face, but i will just bitch about it to my wife.

    She says ive become more pissy over all our friends, and i completely agree, I just dont know why.

    I am happy with my job, happy with my marriage, life is good, my friends are just upsetting me in various ways, from ignoring me/us, to just things ones that we do hang out with say and do.

    Any ideas? think its just a phase?
     
  2. Whalephat

    Whalephat Conservative Bastard

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    Ever heard the saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt" ? I think that's where you are right now.

    The more time you spend with a group of people, the more likely you are to start seeing things in them that aggrivate you -- that make you feel contempt for them. Things that might otherwise never bother you, or at least not to this degree, were you not around them very much.

    It sounds like maybe you just need to expand your scope of friends and bring some new people into the mix. Don't spend as much time with the same old crew, but do things either just as a couple (you and your wife) or with other folks.

    Doing so will likely help heal your friendships with the current crew and also make you appreciate them more.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I just want to say that if your married, the amount of time you can see your friend reduces significantly. i Also like to remark that your attitude may be a problem in here, no one wants to be with an old grumpy person who ads only extra misery to their lives. If you are a humorous talkative person ,and call people (taking initiatives) and discuss doing great things together, then something can spawn, it takes continues action taken though.
     
  4. mhrc4

    mhrc4 New Member

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    Thanks for the input, and yes, I am married, but that has not significantly reduced my time available for friends, because my wife is always okay to go hang out with everyone, or let me go on my own, we are very open like that. She understands. And I have no problem taking initiative, but have you ever been at a point with friends where you felt that you were doing 90% of the initiating, and they were doing 10%, if that?

    Thats where I feel im at right now, rarely anymore do we (wife and I) get invited places, and I dont know why. We havent had any problems with our friends, i mean to them, all is well, all of the above bitching is all done in private.
     
  5. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I am sometimes like that with my friends. I get so annoyed by every little thing they do. It gets to the point where I am so frustrated I have to leave the room and go cool off. When this happens, it means you need time away from them. "Yes", the more you are around them the more there flaws stand out. If you spend everyday with your friends or your spouse, then bound and determine there will be some aggravation. You probably noticed things about your wife that annoyed you when you two moved into together. It is just something that happens. You love your wife so you deal with hers, or you talk to her about it. With your friends, you do not bring it to their attention because you do not want to seem like a ass, so you bite your tongue in respect for your wife. It is okay to feel annoyed or angry at friends, sometimes you just need a break with your zin time. There is nothing wrong with you being annoyed or angry, just remember if it gets to bad, step back and chill. And one more thing it sounds like that maybe you need a night out with your boys.
     

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