What is with women who...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Das_Ubermensch, Nov 29, 2005.

  1. Das_Ubermensch

    Das_Ubermensch OT Supporter

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    think the solution to every problem within a relationship is the silent treatment/breaking up?

    It really baffles me that anyone could think that withdrawing from a situation instead of discussing/solving the problem would work, but apparently it makes sense to some people.

    I have had a few gfs that use this tactic and while I would like to place honesty as a top priority, the lesson this seems to teach is that you just have to lie to someone like this, just make things appear as rosy as possible to her and never tell her anything that will upset her.

    Anyone care to explain why some women think doing this makes sense?
     
  2. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    I have no friggin clue! Women don't think logically like men do. There's no point in trying to understand it. The last woman I dated was this way. She would shut everything out.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Men don't think anymore logically than women do ;)
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    When you say she's withdrawing from the situation, how long are we talking about? A few minutes, a couple hours, a week? If it's just a few minutes or hours then that's understandable. Sometimes people need a little time to step back from the situation and think about things before they are ready to talk about it. If she isn't talking to you at all for days or weeks then that's pretty fucked up.

    And for some relationships, breaking up is the best option when something goes wrong. Sometimes someone will do something that you are not willing to put up with in a relationship and it's better to just end it because the relationship won't work. If someone won't or doesn't want to change then there isn't any point waiting around hoping they will.
     
  5. Das_Ubermensch

    Das_Ubermensch OT Supporter

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    By withdraw, I mean weeks to months. A few hours or days is understandable. But a few weeks or months only to reconnect with apologies while never even discussing what the problem was doesnt make sense to me.

    I can really think of only a handful of situations where excommunicating someone without discussion would be warranted, like cheating, physical abuse, etc. Those types of situations it is clear to both people what went wrong.

    But when something less serious happens, like just normal relationship upsetness and problems, clamming up and avoiding the person without discussion or saying what you are angry about doesnt make any sense to me, seems like it is passive-agressive behavior.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I think you've got it backwards actually. It's a test, a power trip of sorts - in my opinion.

    Why? Well, here is how I look at stuff like that.

    Let's say you got into a fight over you checking out some other chick. She blasted you, now what?

    First, this is your opportunity to prove to her that you are a man, that you would make a good father, that you can be a disciplinarian. All you have to do is blow through the silent treatment and tell her what she does not want to hear, but you have to do it (1) politely and (2) maturely and (3) honestly.

    So, for my example, I would tell her something like "Yes, I was looking at another woman. I've got two eyes and I will use them. You have absolutely no right to tell me that I cannot look around at people on this planet, it is disrespectful and rude. If you expect me to walk around with my eyes closed all my life then you will have your expectations shattered. Now that I have said this, I wonder why you brough this up. Clearly, you are insecure that I am going to leave you for another woman. The thought had not crossed my mind, quite frankly, but you are behaving like a child - like a spoiled little 8 year old brat. While I do want to have children somewhere down the line, I want to do that with an ADULT woman. If your solution for dealing with problems is to act like a child, and clam up, then I cannot see how having a long term relationship with you would be in my favor. Now, why don't you give me some input so we can get over this."

    Expect her to come back with full force, and blaming you for this and that. You have to stand your ground, and you have to deliver the bad news RIGHT AWAY. Don't wait until after the hoidays, after she had a good day, whatever. If you tell her you are going to occasionally look at other people, so be it. She has to live with it. But tell her that you are not going to tolerate her rude behavior. Let her know that if she cannot come to grips that what you are doing is perfectly natural, and that you are not hitting on other women, then maybe she needs to find another man.

    Personally I find that women will try to test your strength as a man. There are times when you simply have to say "No, not happening." and shut her down. You have to act like tha rule-maker, the father.

    On the other side of this, she could be trying to give you a reason to dump her. I know many women will act like a brat to give a guy a "chance" to dump her, so she does not have to. Is this a possibility? Is she acting so bad that you cannot stand it? If you allow this behavior she will lose respect for you, because you are saying "I have no standards, you can treat me like shit, and I'll soak it up. You're the best I can do, and I am so desperate to not be alone I'd rather take it up the ass from you than be alone."

    Why don't you give us an example, with lots of detail, so we can give you some better feedback?
     
  7. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    Rather than candy-coat and lie to her, just get rid of her. A woman like this shouldn't be kept.
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I tend to agree with this as well.

    I don't reward troublemakers, personally. They have to be REALLY worth it.
     
  9. kf4zht

    kf4zht New Member

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    Its not just women tho... my roomate (male, tho he is metro) whenever he is with a girl, and she does one thing wrong, and he ignores her. then he bitches about how she keeps calling him.

    hes a moron though, and not part of the male group imo
     
  10. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    you can't generalize a whole population for the few you've encountered. i could easily say that men do the same
     
  11. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    He didn't. He just asked what's with the women who DO act like this.
     
  12. Das_Ubermensch

    Das_Ubermensch OT Supporter

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    generally true, but usually you dont find out that youre with someone like this until youve got alot of time and emotion invested.
     
  13. Das_Ubermensch

    Das_Ubermensch OT Supporter

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    Dont have a recent example, since the last one I dated like this was cut loose awhile ago. Really it is unclear to say exactly what particular thing sets a person like this off because often it will be a combination of problems that they cant/wont discuss. Like maybe you said or did something that annoyed them but they said nothing about it. But I have had this occur in relatuionships that were well past the 2 year mark - a point where people should really be discussing problems instead of turning their back.

    I think its a form of passive agression - they are upset about something but cant or wont confront the problem or feel that the best way to solve a problem is to ignore the person involved. Maybe they feel powerless, unable to complain, I dont know. The thing about that is that ignoring the person makes the problem worse and ruins the relationship.

    The thing the women I dated had in common was that they were grew up in very strict households - the type of places where parents would not allow complaints about anything. The last woman I seriously dated had an issue with her mother while in high school, and avoided her mother for about 4 or 5 years throughout college, having no discussion of the issue and only whatever minimal personal contact was necessary. Really I didnt begin to conduct an analysis of why she behaved this way until later, and it was really only a matter of time before she did the same to me. She ended up not speaking to me for about 9 months for reasons the specifics of which are unknown to me even today - and that was after dating for about 3 years!

    Now I know a little better how to identify someone who will handle a dissagreement this way, and they will just be cut loose at the first sign of trouble. But I'd still like to know the logic behind this type of behavior.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2005
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    One of the best posts I have ever read here :bowdown:

    Every guy here should read this
     
  15. jonno

    jonno New Member

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  16. c_K_c

    c_K_c Resident TranceAddict

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  17. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    If that's the case, then chances are it's more about incompatibility than anything.
     

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