What is my problem?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Boosh Dag, Jul 8, 2009.

  1. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    Alright. I was dating a girl for about 9 months. Everything was awesome in the begining blah blah blah. Then I decided I was going to move to Nashville and broke up with her a month before I was going to leave. It was at the point where I just wasn't feeling anything for her anymore and just needed to do my own thing. The day after the break up I was obsessed with her. I had to be near her, I needed her in my life. We got back together and the sex was amazing the relationship was back to being a great time.

    So I move to Nashville. She comes up to visit, great time. I come down there to see her and its so so. Then she flys up the third time and im really not feeling it. A couple weeks after the last visit I break up with her (shes still living in orlando). The second I broke up with her, I can't stop thinking about her, I need her, I want her here so badly it hurts, and shes had enough of the break ups at this point. She says to me, "She has to work on becoming a whole person without me before we can restart a relationship."


    I can't figure out what my problem here is. I do this everytime. Anyone have any ideas?

    Sorry if this was vauge, I'm multitasking.
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    Grass is always greener...
     
  3. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Lack of follow-through.

    Be a man and fight through the pain. Even when I dumped my crazy girlfriends, I felt regret and sorrow. It is a natural part of human nature to miss relationships.

    However, 1 month after ACTUALLY following through on breaking up, you'll feel 80% fine. 2 months later, you'll feel 100% fine and free.

    Whatever you do, don't get a rebound girl or get back with this girl. You need to do the smart/healthy/intelligent thing and develop yourself as a individual. This dumping-getting back behavior is indicative of neediness.

    Last thing you want to do is become a needy guy... won't attract anything but girls more clingy than you!

    http://tiny.cc/aVKPe
     
  4. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    Thank you for that post man. :bowdown:
     
  5. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    No problem man.

    That little collection of essays on that website was the most insightful thing i've ever read in my life.

    I had a good collection of male/female friend's guide me along, telling me to do the right thing and not get back with the physically attractive, but emotionally needy girl I dated last.

    That website just took everyone's logic and summed it up nicely. Stay strong, and realize that being single for 6 months to a year is not a bad thing at all. The few few weeks/months out of a serious relationship can be weird because you're used to the unconditional love and support of another human being. Realize though, you were fine before you had that person, and you'll be FINE afterwards. Just don't sink into the temptation of feeling sorry for yourself or feeling lonely. Distract yourself with hobbies, and start forcing yourself to socialize and meet new male/female friends so that you can once again be a well balanced individual that doesn't need constant compasionship to "be ok".

    Emotional neediness is one of the MOST unattractive things for a guy... unless you're a emo band singer or something.

    Don't forget that being single means the world truly is your oyster, and what you might run into or find may surprise you nicely. Just repeat "being single is awesome!" to yourself until one day you find yourself not lying, :rofl:

    On the other end of the spectrum and for examples of exactly what NOT to do I know a guy who had low self esteem, had a clingy GF with even less self esteem, and he dumped her a few times. He took her back eventually since he never found his backbone to live as an individual (and she was obviously a clinger because she came back each time) and they ended up getting married. :uh:

    Huge mistake. Now he'll just end up experiencing real love when it strikes out of nowhere at 35 and he has a nagging/controlling wife, kids, and a mortgage.
     
  6. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    the thing that has me down about her is that she wasn't needy or clingy. The problem is though that she has no real life ambition aside from doing what shes doing. She really loved me with everything she had and actually had her own life even a little more so then I did.

    I dunno, I'm emo and miss her and she told me shes been seeing some other people so I dunno.
     
  7. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    And I know this is no different then anyone else. I just feel like maybe I really just didnt appreciate what I had while I had it. Or maybe I need to get my damn head on strait.
     
  8. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Get your damn head on straight.

    She's not what you wanted, so let your emotions die. This takes time and will power. Millions of lesser man have done it, so you'll have to do the same. Ambition is a pretty important thing to be compatible with.

    If you want to move forward and not have dead weight, find a girl who has the same life attitude. I've met a few girls who've been more ambitious than me who had to give me the pink slip. I've also dated girls who wanted to be home makers at 19 and let them know that wasn't in my game plan.
     
  9. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Messages:
    6,540
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa
    Are you worried that breaking up will mean she will hook up with other guys?

    Just let go mang.
     
  10. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    Ultimately this is part of it. Last night I was going through old facebook messages. I was dating a girl in 2006 and we had all these back and forth stuff from when I went to Australia. It's funny it was exactly the same relationship I'm in now with exactly the same break up, and I did the exact same thing.

    Got over that one when I met the next one. Looks like I need to just force myself to get back out there here in Nashville.
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Your problem is that you aren't running and not looking back.
     
  12. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    My bestest female friend is from a suburb Nashville, and a few of my college buddies love that city as well.

    It sounds like the best city evar. Though I was born in New York to parents from asia, there is definitely something about the south that is :bigthumb:

    Get out there and meet a nice southern girl! Don't mean to generalize, but I'd definitely say my LTR with a girl from Georgia (the state) was probably my best. But uh, just make sure you're actually ready before you throw yourself out there.

    If the south wasn't so fucking hot/humid i'd move there myself.
     
  13. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest


    Living in the bible belt does leave much to be desired as a half jew-agnostic. It is a fun city, I just need to find the right group of people.
     
  14. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Big deal, i'm asian, so is my lady friend from TN. The quote that comes to mind is "If it's not a problem for you, it's not a problem for them".

    However, it probably helps that I know a lot about firearms, internal combustion engines, military minutiae, and alternative country music (Blanche = best). Definitely made me a shoe in with my southern ex's dad.

    When in Rome, do as Romans do.
     
  15. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    Lucero is :bowdown:
     
  16. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    sounds like you just dont want to be alone. you obviously dont like her that much if your interest is going away like that.

    try being alone for a while. realize that its perfectly fine

    and cut contact with her. thats not going to help either of you move forward
     
  17. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2008
    Messages:
    20,930
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Fuck men?
     
  18. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    Well she called today and I told her we can't talk anymore because what we are doing is unhealthy both of us and we need to just go our seperate ways and move on. She gave me if that's the way you feel, but know I'll always be here for you and I'm only a phone call away. And a you never have to hear my voice again if you don't want to. I'm pretty numbed out because I miss the he'll out of her but this is the right decition and I'm fucking sticking to it this time. I leave for a 5 day trip to Vegas tomorrow with some friends, I think it's coming at just the right time.

    Sorry about spelling and stuff, iPhone keyboard lag sucks balls.
     
  19. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Well, don't do as those Romans do.

    :rofl:

    When in Nashville, listen to country music... or at the very least, classic rock, go shooting, boating, fishing, drinking, etc. If i lived in TN, first thing i'd do is meet the Sheriff and get some NFA paperwork for class 3 weapons signed off, and meet people at the range, lol. Drinking will probably the easiest thing to pick up, as other activities take some investment in learning the ropes, or buying/renting equipment. Generally, i'm a big advocate of physical outdoor activities. If they involve firearms, even better.

    And Big Lowry: GOOD JOB.

    Biggest worry right now is you get drunk and drunk dial her. Be smart and delete her number. Make it hard to find.

    You are going to VEGAS and crazy things happen in Vegas, no joke... but only if you're in the right mindset to have fun. I've had bad trips to Vegas too, but what you get out of a trip like that all depends on where you mind is.

    Get your head in the game, no one said it would be easy. You're going to be talking to attractive strangers for 5 days.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2009
  20. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Not sure what is wrong with you, but you should stop wasting her time and let her go.
     
  21. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,612
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    I'm pretty sure he has already.

    He just has to stay the course now.

    Read the thread before you comment, or else at best you come off as a jerk, at worst you give terrible advice.
     
  22. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    oh her number is long gone, and I'm trying to take it easy on the booze. at the moment, trying to pace myself and stop at 3 drinks which is certainly not my norm. Im trying to psych myself up for the trip, my buddy is newly single too but a couple new girls into the process and I've known him forever and hes been a great friend through the process so I have no doubt it'll be a good trip with a couple of ups and downs.
     
  23. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2009
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    while your out with you friends give one of them your phone or leave it at the hotel. Have a good time and I hope all goes well.
     
  24. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest


    Well the number is gone and thanx mang. I could use a good time. :wavey:
     
  25. Specialist23

    Specialist23 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2003
    Messages:
    29,606
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    minnesota
    for the record i think that chiponshoulder is right about your situation but another aspect to look @ as well is perhaps you're just not grown up enough to even know what you want.

    i've been there as well when a g/f moved away, she moved back and immediately i lost interest. i felt really bad, even to this day because who knows what she could've done for her self but the one thing that i can tell you is that i didn't know what i wanted.

    just wondering, why did you move to nashville? sorry if you mentioned it, i didn't read the entire thread.
     

Share This Page