What is chivalry?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Feb 11, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    If I want to treat my girlfriend as my equal, what can still be chivalrous or romantic? It has to be genuine or I can't deal.

    I paid for a lot of stuff when I was hanging out with her back home, because she is in a shitty financial situation (due to her parents), and I was not. It was just logic. I wanted to go to nice restaurants and I wanted her to come, and it was far more sensible for me to pay than for her, not because I was trying to show her that I knew how to treat a lady, but because I could afford it. I explained this to her. I told her it wasn't chivalry, but simply the reasonable thing to do. She seemed a little disappointed. If she had been rich, and I had been poor, I would not have paid for anything.

    This got me thinking. I don't feel like I'm much of a romantic. What I find romantic is good chemistry, "clicking," greatly enjoying someone's company, deeply recognizing how much you like them, whatever you prefer to call it. Candles, roses, wine and mood lighting mean NOTHING to me. The only thing I care about is the interpersonal connection and the words. As for that whole sense of courtship and wooing, I feel like I am gravely lacking.

    Cliffs: If I want to treat my girlfriend as my equal, and not as a sensitive pet that needs coddling, what can still be chivalrous or romantic? It has to be genuine or I can't deal. I hold doors because I'm stronger, not because I am trying to impress.
     
  2. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    1st off, what kind of doors do you have where you live that you need strenght to hold open?

    Chivalery for me is treating a girl like a lady. With the same respect, love and care that I treat my mother. It can be little things like walking them to their door, walking on the side of the side walk that faces the street and pulling their chair out.

    Romantic to me means showing them how much you care all the time. Once again, small shit does the trick. A random txt asking how their day is going, buying them a little card or flower just to let them know you are thnking about them, a surprise get away or tickets to a chick flick.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    If it's me or them, I might as well. If they get there first then w/e.
    See the street thing, I mean, I don't actually think she's gonna get hurt or splattered or run over, so that would be fake for me. I mean my mom walks on the outside sometimes. Also I think if I pulled out the chair it would be forced. She can totally pull it out herself and it's out of my way. That sounds like coddling to me, I'd rather not have to pretend she's a child to be taken care of.
    I am thinking about this. Asking how their day is going I am down with because it means something to me when she asks me how my day is going. As for flowers, I don't feel that as much, bc why would anyone give a shit about flowers. A card I can understand. The movie thing doesn't work cuz I see every movie anyways.

    I'm pretty affectionate most of the time when I like someone in terms of mannerisms and interactions, just as an extension of the fact that I like them. If they need reminding that I like them then they get it.

    I don't like the idea that a card can mean waaaaaaayyyyy more to her than it does to me. I had a gf who would take some not particularly meaningful gesture as a deeply, profoundly meaningful gesture. Maybe I'm a bit confused about the whole thing. Thanks for the response btw.
     
  4. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chivalry
    If you click on courtly love i think it gives a better explanation

    I think the whole chivalry or courtly love lost on so many men these days they think that if you dont put out you dont get a door opened for you. Its the Me attitude in relationships that should be We, which is lost in our american culture.

    Most of the time its not the actual act its the thought that makes it endearing. If a girl demands respect she should get it and chivalry is a "respectful" code toward women in general. Is there other ways to show it more than likely and you dont have to follow it to the tee but its thinking of a lady as a lady. damn feminism.
     
  5. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    :)
    Sweet. *sigh* All that chivalrous stuff is by no means an absolute requirment for me, but honestly, I MISS having the doors opened, and all those respectful little gestures, sometimes. I LIKE feeling like a lady. I guess I am just pretty girly like that.
    Rgh, I understand and support the CORE point of feminism, but I also think it has gone so far "overboard" in so many ways, that men (in general) are just lost as to what the hell women want from them. Heck, I think even WE (women) are confused sometimes. I am just so not a hard core feminist. I believe that women are humans, and men are humans, and we should both have our human rights, but I also think that we are DIFFERENT creatures too. I think it could be a more harmonious world if we could figure out how to accept, respect, and celebrate the things that are DIFFERENT about men and women, rather than trying to freakin' erase every thing that is special about being a woman or a man. (I realize I may get a few feminist bonks on the head for that, but, it's just my opinion, that's all).
    Anyway, I think a good approach would be just to ASK your lady if she has a preference in how she'd like you to show your respect for her. For some women, they'd LOVE to have their chairs pulled out for them, and the doors opened, etc. and others think it's more respectful for you to let them do it themselves. You have to figure out a good time, and just talk to her about it, IMO. That'd be the easiest way to really get the answers you want.
     
  6. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Chivalry...Sir Francis Drake was known for it. How wonderful it is from my point of view. Having a man open my side of the car first, having doors opened for me, the man walking on the "street" side of the sidewalk, ~sigh~ Chivalry and integrity, two key components to the perfect man.
     
  7. NismoOwnsYou

    NismoOwnsYou Guest

    There is no such thing as equality in a relationship.
     
  8. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I'll agree with that.
     
  9. BlindSyde

    BlindSyde New Member

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    I'm the same way.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't do anything just because that's the way I was raised. I am Mr. Premeditated, so that doesn't fly for me.
     
  11. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    you women dont know what you want. no one wants a full-blown "chivalrous" guy that will put them on a pedastel and treat them like an object.

    every girl wants the door held for them, but not constantly.

    every girl wants to be treated to things, get gifts, but not constantly. and it shoudl also go the other way, they should want to offer

    what does this come down to? Be a fucking man. Be yourself, do whats right. Yes i treat my girlfriend, but i dont constantly pay when we go out. I will let her pick up the check or take me out also. Depending on my mood, i may hold doors for her. When its not a date, I won't. If you do something thats sweet and thoughtful constantly its never special anymore. And that last sentence, my good male friends, is woman logic, learn it.
     

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