what is a good personality consist of? i think im boring

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by quamen, May 21, 2007.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I think my personality is kinda shitty, that is how come i have not much success with woman. Im a fairly attractive guy, but when im kinda clueless of what a good personality is. I believe this is really where i end up losing the girls i end up dating or just trying to get a number from. Im not really funny,only when im drunk people think im hilarious and that is not good. Im kinda tense around girls, and really dont keep them interested at all it seems like and fail horribly. Any techniques on getting a better personality in general? anyone have link to that ebook that was posted a while back pertaining to the "alpha male?
     
  2. R KriLLz

    R KriLLz Uncomfortable in my own skin.

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    what are you passionate about?
     
  3. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    I also fear that I have no passion in life :(
     
  4. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    Just open yourself up more. It sounds like you're more shy than anything, your personality doesn't have a chance to come out because you don't let it. Whenever you go out, just start talking to people in the way you normally talk. Not everyone will like you, and you have to accept that. However, if you open yourself up, you will find people that like your personality and want to hang around you more, and there's going to be girls in that group that will want to date you.
     
  5. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    I hate giving advice, but fuck it: find a few interests/hobbies and immerse yourself. You can cover up being boring all you want with silly formulas and sets of behavior that you'll find online, but the real fix takes longer and you don't have to cover up who you are.

    Girls aren't all that good at seeing through bullshit, so you can go the easy route and fake it, but you'll have one hell of a hard time hanging onto one if you are acting out a role.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    The trick is feeling good about yourself.

    If you feel good about yourself, at least some women will be attracted to your personality, no matter what it is
     
  7. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    thanks guys for the good replies, i understand what you are all saying. i do have some hobbies i love, but i am more shy than anything which is making progression slow. Also, im working on feeling good about myself, but sometimes this is also hard for me as well.
     
  8. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Someone who is super cool would be one of those guys who does everything. They feel great because they are always doing something and always around people. Don't you know any of those people who go to school full time, work, play sports, party and voulenteer but never seem to get tired?

    It takes more then just feeling good about your self because you will just fall back into a bad hole if you don't do anything productive.
     
  9. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    i own a small business, go to school part time so i stay pretty busy. I think though owning my business kinda hurts me because i dont work around people,but i wouldnt change that. While going to college i can make much more money doing my business than working for somone and i enjoy it. But you are right, it seems most of the time im in more isolation.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I've read many of your posts before (you write a ton) and all of them really just make you sound a little lost and down on yourself. This is obviously never good because most people are attracted to people who have some kind of thrist for life. You always seem to over analyze things to the point where it stresses you out too; not good for you. I can get not being funny until drunk and the frustration behind that, but hope you don't take that as a reason to get drunk all the time.

    Maybe just try your hardest to be open to everyone and relax yourself so as not to worry about what they all think of you so much. I learned a long time ago that everyone will have their opinion of you, but who really fucking cares? Life is too short to worry about what others think of you. I took this as my cue to act exactly how I wanted to without regrets. Most people who know me know that I can be loud and funny, but I also do have a ton of friends. What I'm trying to say is you know how they always say you'll meet someone when you are least looking? Well in this case maybe if you stop thinking and trying so much to have a better personality your true one will shine through.
     
  11. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    after posting that, it almost seems as we met before and you know me. I do believe your 100 percent correct in your post,and i do over anaylze way to much. I also think about something way to much before i say it, in order to predict how the other person might react which also hurts me.


     
  12. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    read my post on identity (check the last page of yail's Just Be Yourself thread) and the last couple of paragraphs of my Internal vs. External Attribution post
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    We should just sticky those posts already.
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    "don't worry about what people think of you" This is a very tricky bit of advice. One should definitely not be preoccupied with what others think of you, and definitely not in fear of what others think of you but that is very different from "ignore what others think of you" The most socially awkward/socially unsuccessful people around take this to extremes. They have no idea what other people really think of them. Its almost like they are completely oblivious to social cues. If you are telling a story and the person who you most wanted to tell the story to is giving you the :ugh2: face the whole time, do not ignore that and do not ignore the person enough not to notice that. For social people its hard to imagine, but i really believe that for people that have social difficulty they sometimes manage to miss the obvious non-verbal communication that other people broadcast loud and clear. Do look people in the eye often when speaking, do watch their facial expression, and do consider what this means. Learn from it. If you have a story you think is hilarious and when you look around all the guys are dying :rofl:'ing and all the girls are :rolleyes: 'ing, you should pay attention to this. You now know you have a great new story when you meet some new drinking buddies and a story you should never tell when you are trying to get a woman to go on a date with you. This should be obvious to most people, but there are people that this simply does not come naturally for, and to reinforce that you "shouldn't care what other people think of you" is a very destructive message to send those people.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well I'm glad you at least realize that now. Maybe your next thoughts should be on how to stop caring what other people think.

    Why do you think the popular kids always seem so cool? It's because they are confident in themselves, no matter how fucking stupid they are or sound, they just don't care what others think about them.
     
  16. You are setting yourself up for failure saying I think I'm boring makes you such. Your thought process is wrong therefore your actions are wrong.

    As you think you shall become. Think you are the coolest, most secure person alive and you will become it.
     
  17. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    Quamen, how old are you if you don't mind my asking?

    I used to smoke up alot and people I met when I was stoned, would actually wonder what was wrong with me when they finally met me when I was sober.
    Yeah, also relied on liquid courage alot as well. I was very introspective as well and over analytical. In fact almost everything you've posted here could have been something I would have thought of myself or posted (if the internet had been around).:mamoru:

    The thing is when you're that down on yourself, even if women are interested, you won't see it. The light at the end of the tunnel is that if even I can become more comfortable with myself, then IMO almost anyone can. Hopefully it just won't take you as long.
    Some great advice posted here that I could have used as well.
     
  18. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    it seems questions of penis rot are more worthy of sticky than are my words on self improvement :wtc:
     
  19. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    energyis all that you need, do something to get yourself pumped up and feeling invincible
     
  20. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    im 25 years old now. this has always been a problem for myself,and i have to change it. Many girls actually have hit on me before, said i was attractive,but looks dont go far at all. That is why i get nervous, feel as im boring and girls dont want to be around me. I have dated some pretty girls before,but it always ends because i dont think i keep them intersted. I do keep busy with going to school finsihing up my Ba degree this year, only reason why it took so long is because i own my own business and can only attend 2 classes usually
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'm boring, too.

    And I think I want a woman who is also boring.

    Too bad they don't make very many hot, boring women.

    But they make hot, boring guys (me). Haha. :rofl: j/k.

    Honestly tho, I've dated girls who always want to go out and do stuff. That gets just as old after a while as sitting around the house doing nothing (which I'd rather do, because I'm boring, and it's not fucking expensive like everything else is).
     
  22. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    haha. well another problem i seem to have is that i feel like when i talk to girls,they will think im hitting on them. i wouldnt mind to talking to more girls,but i dont want them to feel im trying to get with them. Some i wouldnt mind,but others i wouldnt want to.
     
  23. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    If they do, that's their problem. Just act yourself, talk like yourself, just be open.
     
  24. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :sigh: did you read the thread? do what you want. who gives a damn if they think you are hitting on them?

    edit: seriously you might as well have just written "I didn't read or understand a thing anyone just said" instead of writing "I would like to talk to more girls, but im afraid of what they might think"
     
  25. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    A lot of people just come here and the asylum to cry because it makes them feel better; they don't actually want to change. Unfortunately it's only after trying spending your time and energy trying to help that you figure out who's who.
     

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