SRS What in the hell? My wife's best friend is in a situation...she asked for my opinion.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by TheOutlawTorn, Feb 16, 2010.

  1. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    I just...well I'm having trouble understanding his thought process on this...

    He was on his way home from work and on the phone with her and they had plans to actually get down with it and have sex. Well, she tells him he better hurry up or she's just going to go on to bed.

    He ignores that, and makes a few stops, and takes a long time, so of course she goes to bed.

    She wakes up the next morning with semen all in her panties and on her stomach, not totally dry, but not totally fresh. The assumption: He got home, she was asleep, he tried to wake her, and couldn't so he just pulled her pants down and did the deed anyhow.

    I know the girl and I know that once she's asleep, she's OUT. There isn't anything in the world that would wake her. She confronted him on it and here's what get's me, well beyond the initial fact that he raped her:

    He admitted it, he's not sorry, he says they're married and that she should give it up more often, and he's not sorry. He's not sorry, etc.

    She's completely pissed off. Apparently this isn't the first time this has happened. He thinks because they're married, he has a right to do that to her.

    She and my wife asked my opinion on it, and I told them rape is rape. She kicked him out of the house and told him to not bother coming home. He got pissed off and said that she's stupid for throwing their marriage away on something so trivial.

    I just don't understand his way of thinking on it. If he just wanted to get off, why not just jerk off? I can't imagine it being as good as if she was awake and into it. I just can't see how he can't fathom it as what it is: rape.

    What are your thoughts?
     
  2. Normie

    Normie The TBW weight loss plan worked for me! OT Supporter

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    well, wow.. I'm not sure I'd 100% call it rape.. it's close, but looking at the factors of it, it kinda isn't.

    1.) She offered up sex (with conditions)
    2.) They are married, so it's not like she is unwilling to have sex with him (if youconsider that a condition of rape)

    I also have a hard time believing that she could actually sleep through getting plowed..
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Are they Muslim? Cause if they are Muslim then it is cool.

    Having sex with someone while they are asleep is really not cool. I mean, I once knew a girl that claimed that it made her hot to be awoken to a guy feeling her up and stuff....
    but I imagine she is something of a minority and if you are not sure of her feelings you are playing with fire.

    He needs to kiss her ass, cause if she goes to the police it is all over for him.
     
  4. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    She seriously can sleep through anything. Getting plowed included.
     
  5. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    She wouldn't do that to him, actually. They're not Muslim.

    I just don't understand how he can really justify it...
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It's not rape. They don't have what most people would call open communication and consideration.

    Still doesn't make it rape. Not in any court's eyes, that is.


    If she still wants to make a big deal about it, go ahead its a free country. He's a bit of a douchey douche, but if that's their relationship, :dunno:
     
  7. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    it's not rape, but she doesn't love him anymore or just a stuck up bitch.

    when I was still married, we both raped each other multiple times while one of us was sleeping, it's no big deal if you are into each other.
     
  8. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Oh on the contrary. I think it may make the legal definition of rape.

    Remember in some states inebriated women don't have the legal ability to consent to sex.... (my state PA is one of them)...

    *this means that if the chick is drunk it is rape - no matter what she says it is!
     
  9. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Well......

    There are a lot of factors in this scenario to consider.

    First off, she agreed to have sex with him, but did make it clear that unless he was home before a specific time, she was going to bed, and then the offer was off the table.

    Second, he and she are married, and should have more open communication and CERTAINLY more consideration when it comes to sexual matters. He should know that when she is asleep, she is knocked out, therefore NOT deriving any pleasure from sex, nor is she giving consent in any way, shape or form.

    Third, if the roles were reversed, and his ass got plowed by a big dildo in the middle of the night, or something similar, how would he feel waking up in the morning with a sore ass and the evidence all over him? He needs to think about this.

    Technically, it is rape in the eyes of the law in my state. Having sexual relations of any type without the consent of the other person, whether you are married or not, constitutes rape, and is prosecutable just the same as if he grabbed her in an alley and forced her down and did the deed.

    Now, what to do? In my opinion, she is probably right to give him some 'thinking time' by throwing him out of the house for a while, especially since this isn't the first time he has done this. He needs to learn some serious lessons about how to treat a woman, and what lines you do not cross, and what is NEVER acceptable behavior. It is one thing to start sexual play while a partner is asleep and have them wake up to you loving on them, if you two have agreed that this is something you both enjoy. But to full on have intercourse with a practically comatose wife, leaving her covered in sperm to wake up the next morning wondering what the hell happened? No fucking way.

    I'm not sure I'd throw away the marriage by calling the police, if this is the ONLY issue they have ever had a problem with, but if this is indicative of the way he treats her, and this is the final straw, she may choose to press charges. It's entirely up to her.
     
  10. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    wtf thats not rape :rofl:
     
  11. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Being in a relationship doesn't make rape impossible.

    She wasn't able to give consent, verbally or physically - it's rape
     
  12. Gary Grice

    Gary Grice Well-Known Member

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    I know in North Carolina a man cannot be legally charged with rape if it's his own wife. What state is this?
     
  13. Rory Breaker

    Rory Breaker OT Supporter

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    It was a douche move but I don't think I would technically call it rape, either way that guy is a few bricks short of a load.

    It would be like fucking a warm dead body.:noes:
     
  14. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    God Bless America :ugh:
     
  15. Hellcat

    Hellcat New Member

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    wow, this thread.

    yeah, that's rape. it doesn't matter if she is married, or if she offered it earlier that evening, the fact is she is physically unable to consent when she is unconscious - whether it is through sleep, drugs, etc.

    their being married has nothing to do with it.

    this is different than two people consenting to have "sleep sex". and the fact that he shows absolutely no remorse for assaulting her unconscious body, knowing she wouldn't be okay with that, is disturbing.
     
  16. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    I would call that rape. Now, there is some gray area, but that's what a jury is for.
     
  17. Saluki

    Saluki New Member

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    Sounds exactly like rape to me...
     
  18. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    This is pretty much how I see it. Who else is he supposed to have sex with? Sure spousal "rape" is abuse but so is withholding sex.
     
  19. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    It's in Kentucky.
    I think the fact that she was unconcious and therefore didn't consent makes it rape, married or not, but that's not the odd part for me (well the only odd part)

    I just don't see how he's ok with it. She wasn't awake, didn't derive any pleasure from it...so he pretty much just used her like a masturbation aid? :shrug:

    She's not calling the police on him, she wants him to think about it. It's not the first time he's done it, and he's definitely not repentant. I think he needs to learn to be a little more considerate and understand that it just isn't right, married or not.

    As for with-holding sex as abuse? I don't see any court cases on that one...if so...I can go after my wife every time she get's pissed off at me! I can see the judge now, "Give it up, Mrs. XXXXXXX, or you'll be spending 90 days in the cooler!" :rofl:
     
  20. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    I think I just may suggest the big dildo idea to her to bring up to him to see how he would feel. Besides sore...
     
  21. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    I wasn't saying it's illegal.

    I'm talking about women who withhold sex to get what they want.

    And yes he is an inconsiderate asshole. He should apologize for what he did. It sounds like they need to get better at communication.
     
  22. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    i guess it's rape if you want to think it's rape, it's all subjective,but i wouldn't want to be with someone so narrow minded though
     
  23. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    You know what? I am all for sleep sex and rape fantasies and all of the other borderline stuff. There isn't much room to be subjective here. "Hurry up home and you can have sex, or else I am going to bed" He came home she was asleep. there is NEVER a time when it is okay to have sex with her. Even if she had previously said 'Let's try sex when I am asleep' any normal human being should be able to read her comment as 'Sex now, or nothing'
     
  24. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Is she really sure he had sex with her? Who the fuck can sleep through getting railed :ugh: maybe he just jacked off on her stomach, still a fucked up move but just sayin I doubt anyone can could stay asleep while getting banged out
     
  25. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    Actually he was out for about three hours. He lives about 20 minutes from work...and he made some stops... She lost interest, and went to bed. :shrug:
     

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