What I'm struggling with v.right now

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, May 14, 2007.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Cliff's at bottom.

    I'm trying my hardest to be objective here, but please tell me if I'm writing this from a victim mentality or being an arrogant prick or something. Seriously.

    I think I could be a decent PUA. I'm pretty sure that, with practice, I could go say and do the right things to get laid. And on one level, I think that would be fucking awesome. But I would feel like I was selling myself out.

    It seems like everything I try to intentionally do/accomplish/strive for in my life pushes me in the opposite direction of someone who is successful with women. For example:

    I am extremely frugal with money. I'm 26, I make a decent salary. I have no debt. I invest most of my income. I trade stocks and have two retirement accounts. Now, to me, in my AFC/NiceGuy/whatever mindset, I consider this to be a good thing. HOWEVER, because I'm not a baller, because I drive a paid off 02 Civic instead of a BMW or Mercedes or whatever, because I don't go blow $100s of dollars on limos/drinks/parties every weekend, I lose "social coolness points." Most people do not say "wow, that guy is good with money. That's so sexy!" Instead, they're attracted to the guy with the sweet car who's living paycheck to paycheck. And I find the people attracted to that person to be stupid, and therefore unattractive (even if they're HB10s). Now, the "selling myself out" part. Sure, I could go pay cash for a nice convertible sports car tomorrow, if I wanted, and it would probably bump me up a few points on the cool-o-meter, but that would take away from my goal of accumulating wealth and retiring ASAP, so I don't want to. So, because I make a choice here that is better for my own personal future, I'm penalized socially. That's fucked up. And most girls would be more attracted to the DB in the M3 convertible (who is seriously in debt and living paycheck to paycheck) than to the smart guy (me) in the paid off car who considers the financial implications 10 years from now of his actions today. Now, I realize the type of girl I'm talking about here isn't good gf/wife material, anyway, but this is the majority of women in society, and that pisses me off, too.

    Now, rather than making this post too much longer, just take that concept I just illustrated and extrapolate it to apply to any facet of life you can apply it to. Here's a formula to help you:

    I come up with something to improve my life --> I take the steps to do this --> I lose coolness points because most people don't realize why my action/decisions are better than most people's actions/decisions. Holy fuck that sounded arrogant... :hs:

    Instead it has the reverse effect. People think what I do is weird, and I lose coolness points, or I'm constantly DLVing myself, even tho I know that my actions will benefit me better than if I did what everyone else does.

    So this is what I struggle with. I could do all this shit that other people do, that seems to bring them great success socially and with ladies, but I'd feel so stupid doing it that I can't bring myself to. I'm trying really hard here to not turn this into any more of a misanthropic rant and blame it on everyone else's stupidity...

    But fuck, I'd like some attention some times. I'd like to have people (dudes and chicks) be like "damn, that guy is fucking awesome" and not have it be based on something like what car I drive, or the label on my shirt, or because I'm playing guitar or something.

    Ok. Let me have it.

    Cliff's: The decisions I make to improve/better my life actually hurt me socially.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2007
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    You put waaay to much thought into what it is you think people are judging you on. I think it was Yail who posted about a friend that lived in a van in some parking lot and still brought chicks back to his van. That guy wasn't thinking about the possessions and toys he has that make him 'cool', he was most likely going 100% on personality. If you can sell yourself then it doesn't matter what you do/drive/wear.

    Like when talking to a girl that is wearing normal clothes, no designer shit, and you discover she drives a beater car.. do you think, my god I don't want anything to do with this girl, she is sooo not cool? Or do you think: Wow this girl is entertaining, funny, cute, and can carry on a conversation, I should see where this goes...
     
  3. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    please reread my post on external vs internal attribution. Also, imagine what the post would be if it was "external vs internal VALIDATION." That will help you as well. Finally, GO TALK TO GIRLS DUDE. You still are not understanding that GIRLS DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR CAR.

    And reread my posts on identity. Over and over and over again.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    The car was an example leading to an analogy. But you can't deny that a guy with a certain car gives off a certain image.

    I wasn't complaining about my car. I love my car.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm going to say this and hope it sticks. Smart, mature women like a man who is sure of himself. The women who go after guys with lots of extravagent things are dumb. You might think that all women want that but they don't. Again, smart and mature women love a man with a good head on his shoulders who knows what he is doing with his money. If you want arm candy or some hot piece of ass 10 then yeah, you are probably going to need to something that's going to stand out against the other douche bags who buy those things solely to attract the opposite sex. I think your real problem is that you say you know what you want in a woman, but you don't....You don't want a slutty girl, but you do want some ass. You are basically fighting yourself it seems on what you want, but also what you think you should have. You need to lighten up honestly. All your threads to me have ended to scream that you are way too uptight and by the book, and honestly that's not very attractive.

    My SO has a good job that makes a good salary and drives a 2001 Sentra that is breaking down :mamoru: I've never once thought to myself how I wish he had a "cooler" car or some bullshit like that. If anything I respect him so much because he's very good with his money. No debt, puts it all in a savings account, etc.
     
  6. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I would prefer a guy who is good with money, holds a decent and stable job, and is investing in his future over a guy who lives paycheck to paycheck but drives a "cool" car and has nice things. I'm sure most MATURE women would agree. The "baller" who spends his last pennies buying his friends shots at the bar is not going to be the ideal husband type. At least IMO..
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    My two long-term exes were smart like that.

    I got into the whole PUA thing to improve socially because I'm a total introvert. But it seems that the same things that attract the dumb women you referenced above are the same things that work on 80% of the population.

    No matter what angle I try to approach this from it always leads me back to the same conclusion... the majority of people have little common sense, fall for and are impressed by the dumbest crap, and whatever that is, I do not possess it, so I'm stuck within this little corner of the social bell curve comprised mostly of above-average intelligence, introverted cynics*. It's kind fucking lonely in here.

    * that sentence was a demographic observation and wasn't meant to imply arrogance.
     
  8. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Of course people are always going to be impressed with flashy cars, etc. But that doesn't mean that just because you don't posses these things that you can't impress girls (with your personality, charisma, etc). I think you are blowing yourself out with these girls before you even talk to them, because in your head you think that since you don't own any flashy toys these girls are not going to like you. So when you go up and talk to them you are coming across insecure already (because you fear that they will ask what sort of car you drive or something) and they walk away. And you then assume that they walked because you don't own flashy things.

    Self fulfilled prophecy? is that what this is called? (honestly, I know there is a term, but I forget :o )
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    There are all types of women out there.

    The ones who respond to the guy who flashes his money and car are golddiggers, and you do not want them.

    Animal, sexual attraction has nothing to do with any of that.

    What it boils down to is, do you make her feel that animal lust towards you, and are your genes good enough that she would want to have your baby?

    I'm a 31 year-old waiter who drives a 96 Maxima, and many women want me and are attracted to me.

    Its because I live my life without apology, I take care of myself physically and am constantly trying to better myself, and I know from personal experience that I can rock her world like none other in the bedroom.

    She either thinks you can fuck her brains out, or she doesn't.

    And women who date men for their cars and lifestyle probably aren't motivated by the animal attraction, although it is possible she could just have those kinds of financial standards.

    I would further say that many women cannot separate a man with a flashy lifestyle from the man who saves for the future and is responsible.

    The man with the flashy lifestyle is likely up to his head in debt, and after she marries him, the joke's on her.

    You can't prevent women from making poor decisions.

    You have to believe there are women out there for you. But to meet them, you are going to experience quite a few of the women you want nothing to do with, the women who irritate you so much. "You've got to kiss a lot of frogs..."
     
  10. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    This is what attracts women.
     
  11. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

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    Yail and Jkidd have summed it nicely, as usual. The material stuff really is trivial. I have a nice car, some nice things, and I really feel they are unnecessary at this point. I kind of wish I had stuck with my old car, because the new one drains a lot of my income, and I blow a lot of cash at times at the Bars with my friends. I have a great time, but I doubt I will look back years from now and say it was all worth it.

    I'd say just practice humility and the other things Yail said and you'll be set. You've got the right idea if you already live a fairly humble life.
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    That is why you lose "coolness points". I'm guessing that the more you improve things about yourself, the more arrogant you get about how not everyone in the world agress with you and you look down on more and more people because of it. I see that attitude from you a lot on here so I'm would guess that you act like way in person too, even if you don't mean to.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Falconer,

    This has been rattling around in my head for awhile now, and this thread seems like an appropriate place to say it.

    EVERY THREAD YOU MAKE IN HERE SHOWS YOUR INSECURITY MORE AND MORE.

    Seriously. You can't seem to decide on what is important in your life. You're fighting yourself every step of the way. You ARE looking for validation from all of us, but you try to say that you aren't.

    Just relax. Chill out, stop thinking so much about all this shit, just live your life and try to do well with the little things. My suggestion? If you can get to a place in life where you have a place of your own that you enjoy, a stable job that you don't hate, you're off to a good start.

    I'll be honest with you...I'm not the most physically attractive guy. I'm 5-5 and really really scrawny. I live in a small one bedroom apartment (495/month) with my cat, and work full time in a job that pays $8.75/hr at this time. I drive a white 2000 Kia Sephia.

    I'm single...working on meeting new women in my free time, but you know what? Generally, I am happy with my life right now. From some of the things you have posted in the past, I would guess that you might say that you couldn't be happy with the life I live.

    But I am happy. I'm relatively secure with myself, and I have a decent amount of self-confidence.

    I know I'm not Yail, Poco, Socrates, or any of these other PUA/alpha male posters in here...but it shouldn't it tell you something that I (just an average guy) can see how insecure you are with yourself?

    Just something to think about.
     
  14. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Success with women is a skill.

    Read that again. Again. (don't just read this sentence... actually do it).

    Now, just like every other skill you have you need to fucking practice. You don't just pick up a guitar and play. You don't just GO ice skating... you have to take the time, practice, and get good at it. It is not a mindset.
    It's a fucking skill. GO PRACTICE.
     
  15. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Okay, not saying you are giving women a bad name on purpose, but you kind of are. If you are basing it on experience then I can't argue with you, but obviously those women are NOT the kind of women you are looking for in order to feel fulfilled.

    Why do we see a guy with a $3000 suit and a Benz attractive? Because we know he can provide for us and a family, and most likely we would be well off and comfortable. It's a deep down half instinct/half learned behavior, that we are all not proud of. I have a good job, not even out of college yet and it pays $15 an hour, I refuse to have to depend on a guy for money or support... so that kind of thing is not attractive to me.

    What is attractive is that a guy is stable and happy. Looks aren't everything, but happiness/confidence/comfortable-with-self is 100% what attracts me to men. And most women will say the same. Those men with hot cars and rolex's? They probably exude those 3 things, and it doesn't have to do with the money, just how the money make them feel.

    I basically agree with Yail, as usual.

    Love being a woman... don't love all women. There are stupid ones out there, just like there are stupid men. Gotta sift though them.

    But after you are comfortable with yourself.

    DA
     
  16. Placebo

    Placebo New Member

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    I'm gonna be honest with you since you are looking for advice. You have no problems as far as the money and bs goes. It just sounds to me from how you post that you are kind of a bitch. Get over that and get over the idea that people are constantly judging you. You aren't that important so just start acting like a 26 year old man should.

    Grow a pair and stop analyzing the little meaningless shit and start looking at what is making you act like a little girl when it comes to things. Sounds like you are also looking at pickup and women as your life instead of creating a life and letting women be a part of it.
     
  17. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    I drive an '88 jeep wrangler with a book value of $2000 and I have rich chicks diving for my dick. Your analogies suck. Get your weight up, get your confidence up.
     
  18. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  19. fy-freedom

    fy-freedom New Member

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    Agree. too much slut and dumbass out there. Sign!
     

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