what hath mtv wrought

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Apr 18, 2008.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Here's the situation - my best female friend, Cindy, has been single for too long. She's a pretty girl. .

    Either she doesn't like the guy, or she doesn't go for the guy. If she does like the guy, she either stiffens uptightly in his presence, acts asexual / disinterested, or CONSCIOUSLY refuses to betray any overt sign of attraction to him for fear of seeming "desperate", "easy", or "forward".

    (And she thinks she's a feminist :mamoru:)

    I've tried ramming advice down her throat. I've tried encouraging her. Ramming advice works, encouraging her works better, but it's been a year and she's not made much real progress.

    It's just frustrating seeing the same cycle over and over again.

    /rant
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i just picked a villain at random.

    it probably has more to do with her traditional chinese upbringing, her natural biological temperament, certain social difficulties presented to her at a young age by having an accent at the time, and, of course, her relationship with her father.

    however, i do think that if you absorb all of your values from female-oriented television programs, your grasp on social power as a heterosexual female will be limited by the candy-conservative coating on most shows.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    No idea :dunno: MTV used to just be where you went to watch music videos. Spring Break is a male-oriented show. Reality dating shows, not as much.
    Well, I'm not really worried about my own interest in my friend's situation, I'm more just frustrated at her cyclical lack of progress and self-professed dissatisfaction
     
  4. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    But why do you care? Has she expressed her interest in having you help her? Does she even see this as a problem? Some people are fine with being single...
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Ah... ok, I'll say two things

    1, you can't necessarily accept someone's statement that they are "ok" with a situation and "don't have a problem" unless you fail to factor their pride into account

    2, yes, when she's not in full blown protest-too-much style saying things like, "i don't need no man! nuh-uh not me," she will often get the severe Mopes & Gloom about her romantic doom. (honestly, who wouldn't?? i've never, ever, not once in my life met someone who was happy being single-but-unvalidated)
     
  6. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Dude, I have friends trying to ram their $0.02 down my throat all the time to, or hook me up with their friend because she'll be perfect for me. Believe it or not people can be happy living their own lives without the input from others, single or not. You gave advice, she didn't take it, stop giving it to her then and worry about more important things.

    Oh, and number 1 is just retarded. If she tells you she is ok, and doesn't have a problem. Then fuck off. It isn't up to you to determine whether it is a problem for her just because you see it as one.
     
  7. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Or to tell him that he should keep trying to force his wisdom down her throat because obviously he knows how to live her life better then she is
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i just thought it was frustrating & you guys are now enjoying that sensation as well. :bigthumb:

    actually i was just venting :dunno: i thought the /rant thing took care of my "motivation", however, next time I will preface and conclude with "this is just to vent"
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Well, I do know better than she does. You don't know the situation, you know your situation, and you're projecting your situation onto mine.

    Like I said, shoving it down her throat, which I feel UTTERLY entitled to do, because I have NO problem telling people how it is, has helped somewhat. I know that won't sit well with some of you but the fact is that it works, and it's ultimately good because people can rely on me not to bullshit them.

    However, encouraging her has helped a lot more than shoving it. (Which is what we taught IWYWB in this forum)

    Xapum, this is NOT your life or situation, because unlike Cindy, you're not going, "Ah shit, I'm so alone, I'm doomed!" every fifth hour or day or week.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If people complain, but never change, forget about them.

    It's her problem. You've tried to help, she isn't interested in changing, so why waste more time on it?
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Ya, I guess that makes sense. :hs:
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    hmm. i guess, relate to the post with similar experience, or anti-relate to the post with different experience, or ignore it.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    There are some situations where it is worth it to keep trying even in the face or resistance...but those are like like threatening situations (drug abuse, abusive relationship, mental illness, etc), but this isn't one of them.
     
  14. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    True enough, I wasn't trying to project anything onto your situation. But get over yourself if you think you know what is better for her. Even if you do, she isn't listening so stop banging your head against the wall - you'll get less headaches. The only reason I even mentioned my similarity to your problem is because I'm sure it pisses her off having someone else tell her how to live her life. Who enjoys having someone "shovel knowledge down their throat"?

    I can't get over audacity to honestly believe it is your job to shove your ever so sought after knowledge down her throat... it is hilarious.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Well actually, it helps. It's not supposed to be pleasant, but people can rely on it. And cuss me out for what I say, if they want. And then it's done.

    I agree that better than shoving is mild, more hands-off encouragement. Recent development for me.
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    scared of the pen0r?
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    actually, I think she is, but mostly just the large pen0r
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    for that matter it's a two way street, it's good when someone is willing to show me things I don't see, or things that I'm very obviously hiding from myself
     
  19. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Very true, but you can point the way. You can't drag them by the hair to see your point if they don't want to do it themselves.

    You said you've been at this for a year... you tried, she didn't listen. Sucks to be her :dunno:
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    another irony... she gets lots of interest from chinese guys... and she's chinese... and she's never been attracted to a (full) asian before.

    ever.
     
  21. teep

    teep New Member

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    foby asian chicks love me and i've never been interested in one before. :dunno:

    they all remind me of my mom.
     
  22. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    chinese american guys or FOB chinese guys?
     
  23. squid

    squid braap

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    I see that behavior all the time and I don't get it. Girls shoot down the guy they like over and over and then get frustrated when he stops calling. It baffles me how they could not realize the self-destructiveness of their behavior.
     

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