what does this mean and i need advise

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by the_tinman, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. the_tinman

    the_tinman New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    well some of you might have read my post where my wife and i were getting a divorce . well she wants to give us a second shot and I'm so happy about that.
    she texted me and told me how much i mean to her and how much she loves me (i went to see my daughter and we had talked) and she realizes that now.
    also she says shes not going anywhere like shes going to stay by me i told her that i wanted her back thus the 2nd chance.

    well we were talking and she said I've been changing for the good and she likes that. well i asked her to stop talking to the guy she cheated on me with(she says no sex) and she said that they are friends and doesn't know if she can do that right now. (makes me want to say fuck this I'm out but i love her a lot)
    then she tells me that she wants to work on us but she wants to take it day by day.im confused cause she just told me how much i mean to her and how much she loves me . so what am i missing i feel like I'm doing all the work (BTW she is 550 miles away) and shes cares but doesnt at the same time
    what am i missing
     
  2. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    You miss each other, you are both lonely, and looking for familier comfort.
    She, in the moment of coming to grips with losing you, wanted you back.
    But, as she is showing you, she is not willing to 1. make you her priority, or 2. do what she needs to do to show you she is making changes.
    She cheated on you with this guy, she put her desire for him above her commitment to you. She is now, again, putting this guy above you. Why? Because you are allowing her to.
    Don't
    She fucked up, she should be fighting to get YOU back, she needs to be the one compromising, doing what she can to show you she is in this all the way.
     
  3. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,240
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    she is offering you nothing. remove her from your life
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    make it an open relationship and become emotionally involved with somebody else
     
  5. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Miami Beach, FL
    . She's YOUR wife, not the other guy's. She needs to be winning you back.
     
  6. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Shes LDR, they can't have a physical relationship
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Makes it simple :dunno:
     
  8. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    You're kidding right?

    She talks to and hangs out with the guy that she cheated on you (her husband) with!
    That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. She fucked up and it sounds like you are doing all the work to salvage this. You need to get your self-respect together, and tell her that there is no way in hell you are even going to consider working this out unless she puts in a solid effort and totally cuts communication with the dude she cheated on you with.

    If she really loved you and cared about you (her husband) then getting rid of that other guy shouldn't even be an afterthought.
     
  9. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Read what Demo said, then read what DTR said, and then read them both again.


    It sounds like you don't have much self respect or confidence. I think you like the comfort she offers and you don't want to have to find it again, which you definitely need to do.
     
  10. the_tinman

    the_tinman New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    thank you all for your advice it helps alot. DTR you have a VERY good point and i told her exactly what you said. demo i told her if she wants me she needs to make me her priority and she needs to do to show me she is making changes.

    last but not least i have a little self respect left after what she did but i am confident if it dosent work out ill find someone else. ww_crimson i do like the comfort she offers me but i wont be bothered if i have to start from scratch its just im one of those guys that never lets anyone in close. for instance i have a hand full of friends and only 1 do i count on if i ever need anything at all anytime anywhere.
     
  11. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    I know how you're feeling man.

    I lost a lot of friends because of how much I prioritized my g/f and then after 6 years when she dumped me and I was crushed I realized that while I had a shit ton of friends I no longer had "real" friends that I could actually count on. Maybe 2 of them in total.

    My point is, you have to start somewhere and it will only get better. You need to first learn how to make YOURSELF happy before you can worry about other people making you happy. If you solely rely on a specific person to make you happy you will get greatly disappointed at some point down the road.

    If I were you, I would just say screw it and start your new life the minute you read this. Pick up new hobbies, read some books that inspire you to want to live life and seize the day, and work on building better friendships. If your wife comes around and then puts in a solid effort to win you back and drops this other guy then GREAT. But, if she doesn't do that, at least you got started with moving on now instead of waiting around to see what her next move would be.

    Good luck man.
     
  12. Dethfat

    Dethfat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    18,811
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palatine, IL
    im sorry you married her.
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Shit, sounds like my ex-wfe. I dumped her 100% and never looked back. That was the best thing I could have ever done.

    She is saying that (a) he is the sexual leader in her life (b) she is the woman/mother and (c) you're the child/subordinate. She loves you, but like a child, like a baby. She does not love you like an adult.

    It's time for you to move on and find a woman with whom you are the sexual and mature partner.

    Good luck. :bigthumb: It took me 2-3 years to get over my ex-wife. It was worth it.
     
  14. gtpjim

    gtpjim New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2003
    Messages:
    1,239
    Likes Received:
    0
    The other guy probably didn't want her hence her coming back.
     
  15. Stev

    Stev Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    0
    and her response to this?
     
  16. the_tinman

    the_tinman New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    response to what
     
  17. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    holy shit. this is incredible. I can't believe she had the audacity to commend you on you changing for the better (you weren't the screw up in the first place) and then to tell you that she doesn't think she's able to work on herself for you right now. NOTHING has changed. She's selfish, maybe bored and lonely and realized what she let go. She has nothing to offer you, and is proving by what she says that you aren't important to her. Let her go. Move on. Be there for your daughter. Tell the ex to fuck off (as much as possible).
     
  18. Esby

    Esby New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2004
    Messages:
    6,268
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey man, just a heads up since you have a daughter in the middle of this...

    I don't know anything about your situation at all, however if she left you and moved 550 miles away when you separated - she may be dragging this out for a favorable position in court. If she has established a residence outside of the state for a period of 6 months, she has a legal claim in most states to permanently relocate herself there in the divorce - not to mention that she can also file for divorce in that state which forces you to travel there for court. That means you driving 550 miles for every court date, and even worse, driving 550 miles to see your daughter for the rest of your life. It will seriously put a damper on your relationship with her, as you wont be able to see her often at all. If you file papers to bring your child back prior to the 6 months, then she 95% guaranteed has to bring your daughter back. There aren't many circumstances that will cause a judge to let her do that to you.

    My ex-wife did the exact same shit to me. She tried to stretch it out as long as she could - I consulted with an attorney and he told me this. Turns out he was right. She would never commit to a date that she was coming back, but always insisted that she just needed a little more time and everything was working out fine... Then I asked for my son to spend a little time with me since he had been with her for 3 months at that point, and the next business day the divorce papers were filed by her.

    Women are devious, man... Keep that in mind.
     

Share This Page