So here is the shorter version of the last couple of years of my life. I am 27 right now for reference. I have been cutting most of the night, and stitching things back up. The shit hit the fan two years ago when my then fiancé stole 60k from me. The long and short of it, She forged my name multiple times and got away with it. I was in "love" and my family (blood relatives) came over to the house where I was living with my fiancé and literally took me out of the house, along with all my stuff. In the two years since I had developed a wicked condition in my lower back and legs that leaves me in constant pain. I have been to every specialty hospital in the nation. Turns out it is mitochondrial dysfunction. It was triggered when I had sex with her the first time, about 6 months before I moved in with her. Somehow sex triggered something... I am on a cocktail of 12 pills a day. I am basically bed ridden and can do very little for myself. I have tried to kill myself twice. If other people hadn't found me I'd be 6 feet under. Add to that the hardest part for me to deal with... When i was with my ex she always wanted me to dress in her panties and bra when we had sex. So now two years later I am really turned on by that fetish, but no relationships. To top it off she emails or snail-mails me pics she took of us having sex, and me in compromising positions. I don't think I m gay, as men do nothing for me, but womens clothes do. She has pseudo blackmailed me twice at Christmas because she wanted several grand. So I am 15k in debt, and pretty much at the end of my rope. I have posted on a couple other forums, but I am just looking for some kind of validation that I am normal and not some kind of freak... Most night suicide is in my head, and it scares the hell out of me. So thats about it.... anybody what to comment on how fucked up this it?