SRS What do you think of this girl situation?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Dec 5, 2005.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    There's this girl at University that I'm very interested in. She's actually started hanging out with me a lot since the beginning of the semester. And everytime I'm with her it's as if we have perfect chemistry or something. She's also always checking me out, smiling at me and seems slightly sad when not with me. So I've asked her out a few times, however, she has a boyfriend that lives 7 hours away and she is very commited to that relationship. Anyways, the other day, I started teasing her non-stop saying "you love me" and stuff like that. She would answer "no", in an unconvincing manner and after long pauses. The next day, however, she started hanging out all day with me, shadowing me non-stop and checking me out and smiling at me even more. Then the other day, I see her on MSN and she has a sad smilie within her name. I ask her what's wrong. She says it's personal. Then I basically ask her a bunch of questions of what's wrong. She says no to all of them, until I come to "you love some other guy than your boyfriend" at which point she just stops answering. The following day, I ask her the same question, however, before I tell her that I'm only teasing her because I'm trying to get over her. Then I ask her if she wants to go out to do something to get her mind off her troubles. She responds with "I would go but the road are too slippery". Then she's like "are you sure you wanna know, but if I tell you you must help me". SO I'm like "sure". She then tell me that she's pissed at her boyfriend because his previous girlfriend is pregnant from him. She says she's thinking of dumping him and asks me for advice. I, being an honest guy, tell her "you know I'm biased, I'm just waiting for you to drop the guy and go out with me" or something along those lines. She then responds that she hasn't slept all night because of that and that she will go to bed. Also, today I was in the lab with a friend who was chatting with her. My friend told her that me and some other guy was there, at which point she responded with "SAY HI TO KERBEROS FOR ME!!!!!!!", exactly like that but with my name.

    So basically, do I have a chance or is this girl just playing with me or am I stuck in the friends zone.
     
  2. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    You really want to be her rebound?
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Good play, bad situation. Yes you have a chance, but right now you'd be her desperate jump.
     
  4. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    She does love you obviously or so it seems.

    Is it right that she leaves him for you? That is a hard fucking question my man. If the boyfriend impregnated another girl, that is hot shit right there.

    Now this shit is chess not checkers. Your next move is crucial, love is not a game and it can destroy lives.

    If you tell her that she should try to convince her boyfriend to go back to his old girlfriend and take care of his shit, it could be for the better. I mean that kid will not have a dad unless that move is made.

    However he may love her more passionatly then you can imagine. This could lead to fights and confrontation. You could move on from this situation for what you may consider a better move, and the other girlfriend will recieve a paycheck in the mail from real daddy while fake daddy takes care of business.

    Then again maybe that girl does not love her boyfriend anymore (as much), espcially after hearing about this new child that's a huge fuckin turn off.

    Maybe if it's not you then it will be someone else, but you are the right person at this time and chemistry is unfolding.

    Tough fucking call. Enough is enough talking on MSN, get on the phone. Detection of human emotion is very important to what you say, and will help this hard decision that I'm glad is not sitting in my lap.

    Good luck and I want to hear how this turns out.
     
  5. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    From what I've heard, this girl has a hard time dealing with her boyfriend living so far away and apparently her boyfriend has asked her to quit school and go live with her in the dump of a town in which he lives. I actually came to the campus bar once to find her talking to some of my classmates about this situation. Everyone was drunk except me of course, I didn't even get to drink since everyone was leaving and I hate drinking alone. So, at the bar, she was talking about this situation and one of my friends, a very authoritative 30 year old man who knows I like her, was trying to convince her to dump the guy and find some better guy. All the other guys there were also saying the same thing. During this whole time, the girl was avoiding my eyes. Then I can't remember what I was talking to her about, but I pretended not to remember her name and then say a butchered version of her name, etc to tease her as I always do. The girl was then going on about how it's pathetic that I should not remember her name, and then the guy cut in with something like "he's just waiting to fuck you like all the other guys here" or something like that. I didn't say anything. At that point the girl started glancing at me the rest of the night.

    A bit later, one of my friend noticed two hot girls playing foozball. He was like "someone should go see them". All the guys were extremely shy. So, I was like "I'll do it". My friend gave me a dollar for the foozball machine, I went up to them, offered them a game of foozball and they agreed. I dragged one of my shy friends from the table and played with him against the two hot chicks. After that, I got one of the girls name and phone number, while my friend was cowering away in fear. Then I went back to our table as if nothing. Everyone was impressed that I was able to do this sober while they were all drunk and yet too shy to pull this off. Bunch of nerds :p.

    Then when we left the bar, the girl I'm talking about stayed stuck to me again. I told her "I really think you should go live with your boyfriend" in a sarcastic tone. She responded with "I'm staying here, you won't get rid of me".

    All this happened like 1 week ago.

    As for the baby situation, she does feel that it would be best for her to dump the guy in order that he should go back with his old girlfriend so that the baby should have a family. She also feels bad because he dumped her girlfriend in order to go out with her. I made her remark that if he did that, he wouldn't hesitate to dump her once some hotter or younger girl came along. She agreed. To be continued...

    BTW, I really feel that I love this girl, she is a really special girl. She is not the hottest girl or the most beautiful girl, but there's just something irresistible about her, plus she is a very intelligent girl. I'm a cancer and fit perfectly almost the definition of cancer and she is a scorpio and fits almost perfectly the definition of scorpio. I've never been a believer in horoscope but I only checked on it a few days ago and I believe that in our case it applies.


    Also, me and this girl are also both VP's for a student society that we just founded. We just got it approved like a week ago. When we went to get it approved, we had to make a case for it in front of the student association. Our president is very weak and was screwing everything up for us. Eventually, one of the commitee members asked a question related to my field for which I am VP, according to everyone in my society, I replied to the question with so much authority and conviction and with such a good answer that I was a big factor in having us approved. We were approved unanimously by the way. But anyways, during this whole committee meeting she was just staring at me with those big blue eyes. She's also aware that I'm on the Dean's list and that I am the best in the whole class.

    Also, what should I do? Give her space or be insistent? I've always been a proponent of giving girls space such that it is them that chase you and not the opposite but the semester is over and I won't see her in class again until January. What should I do?
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2005
  6. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Big post to tackle. I'll put on my finger protectors and give er' a go.

    First off I'm going to go out and say this boyfriend sounds absoloutly dependant on his girlfriend. This is where stalking and other malacious acts arise as a man or woman is hurt and has no one to turn to. If he is so dependant on her that he is actually asking her to quit school (!) and move back to some dump town... she is going to be unhappy. An unhappy mother, an unhappy family.

    This leads me to beleive he is not happy with his life but is happy with her. She is happy with her life but is feeling weighed down with him. She is almost certainly making moves towards you.

    But at what cost? How far away does he live? How long have they been going out? Is he ugly and can he find a new girlfriend? These are all important questions. You want to make the right move and avoid confrontation. Love and war are both games (chess) and every move is critical.

    As for your friends getting involved - don't let that shit happen. That's cheating in this game of love. It's one on one.

    Your friends are shy nerds. The worse ones to be involved with this. They couldn't even go up to a hot girl confidently? While drunk!? Hahaha, keep em out of it for your own good.

    You seem intelligent. She is becoming attached. She wants you, she almost needs you. This is not good... the more attached she gets the less moves you have to make, you start losing the game.

    Now, the guy went ahead and dumped his preggo (or now he's just finding out preggo) girlfriend for a hotter chick. The guy is a bitch that cannot stand commitments. If he was to get married to this girl you are talking of, there would surely be an affair or perhaps divorce. He's a bad man.

    If there is no threat to you, or if you can control the situation, my personal choice would to be 'go for it', connect four. He needs to attend to his girlfriend. It's all in his old town, I say he will not chase after the chick in college and will attend to his old business. Hopefully.

    As for scorpio and constellations... I beleive in them. I beleive our great creator placed them in the sky purposely, and they do have effect on us. If you have a gut feeling in your solar plexus... you must follow that feeling. That is your path. Have you seen donny darko? That is our reality.

    There is no such thing as random ability in humans. We are bags of chemical that respond to situation based on chemical needs and balances. This is nessasary, as random causes chaos. For the pieces of the puzzle we call life to fit, you need to go with her. If she is special as I feel my girlfriend is, then she must be at least a chapter in your life, if not a main character.

    If you give her space you will start breaking down this 'chemistry'. You must make a decision, but I must tell you the most important thing in this post.

    Find out about the damn boyfriend, and if he is in LOVE with HER. It's no use learning from your mistakes, if you cannot recognizes ones that will happen in the future. If he will be a problem, you will turn a dream into a nightmare.

    So you must meet her in reality, go to a private location, and have a deep talk. I almost guarantee it will end in a romantic kiss, if not some bang bang bang.

    Just watch out. The boyfriend can be the end of you in extreme situations. Maybe he also feels that special link, maybe it will cause him to snap in his very difficult situation.

    I wish you good luck and update this post with more details. I am here.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I'm not convinced she likes you yet. I saw nothing from your post that would suggest otherwise. She's definitely not in love, but is it possible she is attracted. I don't see it as being definite one way or another.

    For one, when guys start off their story about how perfect their best girlfriend is and how great the connection is, then it almost always turns out that they are friendzoned. Then you laid it on with the whole boyfriend thing, so she is unavailable. And then when you tell her you want her she doesn't do anything other than use you as a shoulder to cry on-further friendzone signs...

    You won't know for sure until you ask her out.
     
  8. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Yeah, she definitely is attracted to me. As for the love thing, I agree that it is too early or hard to tell which is why I don't get carried away. However, from the "crying on my shoulder part" I had more the impression that she was trying to justify to me a break-up from her boyfriend and wanted to show me that she is not an insensitive bitch that splits up with her boyfriend because a better guy comes along. She really seems like the kind of girl that values relationships very highly. If that is true, I showed my interest, and should wait maybe a couple of weeks before making a move if she did break-up with her boyfriend in order to let her get over the past relationship. However, this interpretation is not necessarily the good one. Bah, I still think I should at least give her a week before making any move. As for her boyfriend presently (or past since I have not had news from her since Friday), he apparently lives 500 km away and is a military. I've seen a picture of him and he does not look too bright. I'm also much cuter than him although he has a superior physique to me being in the military (I'm a skinny student).

    Also, to plead my case that she might love me, which I admit is a bit too premature to suggest, she is friendly with every guy in the class however I am the only one that she comes towards. With other guys she is playful and sarcastic. However, with me she seems vulnerable, always agrees with whatever I say, for example, she is very pro-canadian but when I started saying that I was a seperatist etc to tease her, she started trying to show how her view wasn't too far from mine. Also, often we do not sit together in class, however, she always manages to leave class with me. If I leave class early while she is talking with other people, she will leave and walk fast until she joins me and then start talking to me. If she is on her way out and I stay behind, she will stay around her friends outside the class until I come out of the class and she will then again join me to walk to the next class. Also, she will invite me to any party that she organizes and will insist that I come. Also, a couple of times, I called her a bitch and called her fat. She never retaliates or anything but seemed more like she understood my reactions. Also, with some of her friends, she's often telling them that she would never go out with them because they are not at all her type or something like that. She never said that to me. Also, whenever she looks depressed in class, whenever I start talking to her she all of a sudden looks happy, almost ecstatic.


    Our history before this semester is this: I was into her, tried to approach her but she wouldn't talk to me or would answer me with a single phrase without looking at me then would move on to talking to someone else. I managed to get her on my msn. Then pretty much all summer I spent chatting with her and asking her out. Everytime I would ask her out, she would say that she was too shy. From what I understood of her, it's a prerequisite that her boyfriends be her friend first. So, everytime I'd ask her out, she'd say that she was too shy to go out with me but that she would really like to go out some other time. Then once, she gave me her phone number, but whenever I would call, she would not answer. When I asked her about it, she responded taht she was too shy. I managed to get her on the phone a few times and she really seemed interested in me, ecstatic to talk to me and I had to be the one to hang-up. I did manage to set up a few dates, but every time she would cancel at the last minute due to homework or a busy schedule. On numerous occasions, she would imply that she was not good enough for me, she was either too fat, or not pretty enough or some other thing. Then one day, we had a talk where she said that she had been single for a long time and such. I asked her how she felt about me. She responded that she wanted me to answer first. Me, not wanting to come on too strong, answered that I really liked her as a friend and that she was cute. She answered, that that didn't say much and therefore she couldn't really answer either. She never really answered that question. A few days after that is when she got a boyfriend. Apparently he was a friend of the family. I was devastated to hear the news a few weeks later. However, when we started school together that semester, I actually got her to talk to me for the first time. There was so much awkwardness between us for the first 3 or 4 weeks and she gave me so many signals it was incredible. I tried a few times to ask her out however, whenever I did, she sort of laughed nervously, looked down and said no. From then on, I sort of started to ignore her, that is when she started to always sit near me and try to talk to me. The more I would push her away, the more she would come back and suck up to me. One time, I did ask her why she didn't like me, she said that 1) We didn't have much in common and 2) I didn't have any style. Another time, I also asked her about the awkwardness at the beginning of the semester. At first she agreed that there was some awkwardness but then totally denied that there was any awkwardness and said it was all in my head. Other times, we worked together on assignments and that chemistry between us came back. What I've always noticed from her, however, is that she often seems depressed until she talks to me. While she talks to me, she seems ecstatic and when I or she is about to leave, she suddenly seems vulnerable and looks down to the ground. Also, a lot of people in our class, mostly girls, have been talking about us apparently. One of my friend even one time shouted out something related to us being a couple. The girl didn't say anything when the guy said that and even seemed somewhat flattered.


    In conclusion, all I know about this girl is that she is attracted to me and I am attracted to her. All this means absolutely nothing of course, since she probably still has a boyfriend. For all I know, even if she drops this boyfriend, she might want to go out with some other guy instead of me. However, all I know is that if you can't stop thinking of a girl, you should not give up. I tried to forget her and give up a couple of times but she is too persistent.
     
  9. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Oi - well, you're in this deep; you might as well make or break it.

    If she's in any way emotionally attached to her current boyfriend, you will be a rebound to some extent. However, some girls completely detach themselves emotionally before making the next move and long-distance relationships make this easier on them so you may be in luck here. She certainly isn't getting what she needs now or she wouldn't even be behaving the way she is towards you.

    Talk to her about it - you're interested and want to date her, but you're not going to do so as long as the other guy is in the picture. She needs to know that so she can make a decision, and from here her actions will tell you what she really wants - if she wants you badly enough, she'll dump him. It's as simple as that. She may be hanging on because she doesn't want to face him when she goes home. She may want to do it in person, or he may have emotional control over her - you won't know unless you talk to her.
     
  10. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Update to bring you guys up to speed

    This is what happened since the last time I posted. I asked her on MSN last monday how she was going. She replied that she felt a bit better. After that, she just stopped chatting with me. The next day, I tried to start a conversation again with her on MSN but she did not answer. I got sick of her, decided to totally forget her and put her on my ignore list. The day following that, she changed her name to "You let me down now Like I let you down then". The next day she changed her name back to her ordinary name and I deleted her from my contact list. The next time I met her at school for an exam was yesterday. She was way ahead of line than me to go in for the exam but she started to go through her purse when came her time to go into the exam room and let everyone in behind her until I came to her. Then she said "do you mind if I cut in line" and cut in front of me. Then she sat right in front of me for the exam and tried a few times to start a conversation with me until the exam started. Then when I finished the exam before the three hours were up, I went to hand in my exam. She immediately got up ten seconds later, hurried to give in her exam and followed me all the way until we got outside the school during which time she tried to make small talk with me.

    If you've noticed, I have a policy of avoidance with the girl: I never go towards her and I only talk to her if she comes to me and starts talking to me. There's no need for me to chase her, she knows I'm interested and chasing a girl who has a boyfriend is pretty much always a bad idea. Plus, I'm trying to get to know other girls. Any comments or suggestions out there?
     
  11. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    she sounds like she's only in it for the drama
     
  12. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    :werd:

    However, I still stand by what I suggested earlier. Have a talk with her and make it clear that you want nothing to do with her until she gets rid of her current boyfriend.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If you know she likes you then what is the deal? Seriously this is getting wack....
     

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