SRS What do you say to a dying man?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Rommel, Feb 26, 2005.

  1. Rommel

    Rommel friends forever

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    My grandfather has just been diagnosed with cancer and has been given 2 weeks to live, now i've never really known him that well and only see him a few times a year. :wtc:

    I'm going to go see him tomorrow, what can you say to a guy who's going to die. Will this come naturally?

    I dont know whether i should be cheery, glum or reflective, and no im not gonna be false but i've never come across such a situation before.

    I have no idea:
    How are you doing?
    good luck?
    I hope you're not feeling too bad?

    I really have no idea what i should say, i don't really know him that well and not sure how i will feel, i hate to see people upset :sadwavey:
     
  2. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I dont know and both my parnets had cancer.
     
  3. I don't think you have to say anything. Just being present is a comfort to someone that seriously ill. I know that's what I prefer myself, and I'll deathly ill sometimes - but fortunately I've not passed.
     
  4. Godspeed

    Godspeed New Member

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    Let him set the tone. When you see him ask him "How are you feeling?". if he says "How the fuck do you think i'm feeling?? I'm dying damnit!" then obviously he isn't too happy so you should try and cheer him up or do something to make him feel better. If he says "I'm alright. A little tired but ok." Or something along those lines, then you can say "Thats good. Well listen.. blah blah blah" and just chat it up like normal.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    This is one of the best things I've read in a long time. Sincere, genuine and honestly helpful.
     
  6. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    I like Shineshop's story :hug:

    My dad too passed on, and was given 6 months when he was diagnosed with both colon and lung cancer. He didn't want us moping around and feeling sorry for him. He told me to keep going out with friends and do what I needed to do (I was also in school at the time). We weren't close, and sadly it took being told he was going to die soon to make him realize the importance of family, friends and people in your life. He was a very antisocial and negative person, and I think part of his negativity is what pushed his condition downhill as quickly as it did. Iroinically, we had more people coming in n out of our house during those last few months than we did since I could remember :hs:

    Nonetheless though we each were able to say the things we wanted to say before he left. There really wasn't a specific time nor was anything triggered by something, it just came up in conversation during his last few months. I spent most of my life feeling like I was in his way, or a disappointment to him. He never had anything good to say to anyone or about anyone. But before he died he did tell me he loved me and was proud of me....words I waited 20 years to hear.

    I guess if I was in your shoes again I would go visit him and get a feel for what you think is appropriate. Everyone's situations are different :hs:
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Im unfortunate to respond to this topic a day to late, however im very keen to hear how it went.

    If anything you should VENT

    We are here to support you, it must have been a heavy on the shoulder conversation, so let us hear it ok?
     
  8. Rommel

    Rommel friends forever

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    well tomorrow is in about 8 hours time

    as i said i dont really know him that well but i feel its my duty to go and see him and make sure that he gets a good send off :hs:.

    Tis a shame really, a week before and i heard he was bounding around an full of energy, now that he was told about the cancer his body is giving up and he's supposed to be looking real frail. I guess its a real shock to the system.

    I guess i'll find out soon enough
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Tell him how much you love him and how much you cared for him, and that you are here now to support him, I encourage you to just vent and let it all out, moments of silence moments of joy or moments of tears, don't deny any of your or his feelings just let it all out in the knowledge that you are 'allowed' to grieve. Feel and do those things what you think is right. There is no real 'protocol' of how you experience the passing away from a certain person, everyone has their own personal way of dealing with these kind of things, it's just important that you give it time ,just tell him you love him (for real i hope) and that if he wants anything still to be arranged that he can talk about it if he wants, just to let you know that we are here to support you :hug: and we are here to back you up, and listen if there's anything you want to talk about , or vent. It's just so that the process of processing someone's death or dying period is something you should feel your way thru,keep in your heart and move on with your life. Because if you ask him, he would love to see you keep on living.

    It's best to keep the negative sides or thoughts for you and discuss these afterwards with family or here with the asylum, just for safe keeping. Meanwhile i can only tell you hang in there and cherish the love and good moments you had, and in rememberance of a great person that deserves the outmost respect.
     
  10. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    When I was 12 my dad died of cancer. I didn't really know what was goind on and didn't get to say anything. I still feel bad about how I didnt even say much to him for his last few months.
     
  11. ~*Pogovina*~

    ~*Pogovina*~ Whip it! Whip it good!!

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    when I was in the hospital waiting to have surgery and waiting to find out if my cancer spread throughout my body or if it was just restricted to the 2 places they had found it, i only wanted my loved ones and friends to be NEAR me. I didn't care what they said, as long as I saw their smiling faces. And yes... sometimes they had to be patient because i was in pain and cranky and depressed. but they knew that below all that, I still appreciated every minute they spent with me there.

    I don't know the man, but most people would want you to come and ENJOY your time with them, no matter how short it is. he has lived a long and full life and has been blessed with that. Make sure that he knows that you appreciate having him in your life and maybe even reminisce about good times you've had together. it's hard but don't get too down, try to embrace the time that you have left to be together. I think it would leave you both in the better for doing so.

    Please let us know how it goes. :hug:
     

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