SRS What do you do when you know you caused the end of your relationship?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Spinkick, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Hi All,

    My ex and I had been going out for 2.5 years and at the beginning, it felt like it was perfect. We always thought it was great and where happy. We saw other couples having trouble and we never really thought it would happen to us. Our personalities seamed to compliment each other.

    Fast forward to the last few months. We where both working a lot, and I had pretty much shut down communicating. I knew there was something wrong, but I didnt know what to do and my frustration translated to being even more shut away from her. Through the relationship, I would tease her (my way of showing her affection) and it frustrated her to no end, because she felt that I was not providing a balance with a lot of the romantic things, that make a couple, a couple. I know that I felt those feelings toward her, but I did not convey it enough to her.

    She is my best friend, and after we separated, we talked quite a bit about what went wrong, and how the communication was broken. I know that those things would be better, but she is afraid (I am too) that things wont be the same after this breakup..

    I know that after a breakup you are supposed to not talk to one another, and she is being really good about it. Me, I feel like I'm the weaker one, and being a guy I want to go out and fix things. She tells me when we talk (text) that before she can be with me, she has to be first happy to herself and not use our relationship as a crutch. This meaning that our living circumstances where great, and that she doesn't want back into the relationship just for that, and that if we are to be together, that she wants it because she wants to be with me. I respect that.

    I guess what I want to know is, what do I do? I feel like she is being the strong one and I'm just a mess. I am trying really hard, but I miss her every second of the day and its all I can think about. I workout daily, try to get out and do things, yet its still there. I dont want to ruin the chance that we may be together, and I feel there is a good chance still. How do I not fuck this up more than it is? I already feel guilty for wrecking what we had. I miss my best friend! :( I also feel lost. Hence why I am here.

    I realize this may not be the clearest post, but I'm trying to put down how I feel without smoothing it over by editing it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  2. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Email this to her.
     
  3. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    I feel like that might not be the greatest idea. The idea is not to push her away. She already knows I love her.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  4. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Sounds like she bears some responsibility for the relationship ending as well. I think she's right. She needs to learn how to be happy by herself, likewise, you need to as well. Relationships don't work when either person thinks they need it in order to be happy
     
  5. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Well she ended it, but I think its my fault for letting things go long without addressing them and causing it. :( I know I can be happy alone, ive done it before, but I think things would be better together.
     
  6. gogo420

    gogo420 New Member

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    i think all you can really do is give her what she wants. all you can do is make sure that she knows that you love her and that you are there for her when she is ready to talk things out. until then i would give her some space. take some time to do things that you didnt get to do when you two were together. be selfish for awhile
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    In my mission statement I write:

    Look to the root of the tree if you wish to understand the entire tree - don't stare at the leaves - stare at the root to see the tree in whole. If you understand the root of any issue, you will understand what grows from it. Find the least common denominators and you can understand all of their products.

    Do you understand? Find out exactly what led to your discontinuation of communication from the beginning, and why the behavior resulted and how it continued -- and you will understand all of it's products. Do the math, literally. Once you understand, you can do more than superficially claim that you'll communicate more. You'll be able to actually fix this.
     
  8. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Thanks guys. Great advice. Thanks :mb: and gogo :bigthumb: I've b een reading some books on relationships, and looking at myself and how I look at things. I think they will help. At the very least, they will help me in my next relationship (which is kind of sad)
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I meant that she let things slide as well
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    not very sad at all. Most relationships don't last. If you can learn lessons from this one which makes you a better person, then it was well worth it
     
  11. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Yes, but I feel this relationship is one worth getting back. I know I probably sound like all the other folks out there, but I am pretty set in my resolve. If something comes along that is better for her and I, then so be it.

    I appreciate the input; it makes sense.
     
  12. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Not so sure. I mean, she said things before but I never really knew that things where as bad as they where. I wish there was some other way she could have got the point across. What I cannot fathom is how if someone still loves you, though that they could stand to be away.
     
  13. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    and if it works out that you two reconcile, then great! Provided you both learned from it, I'm all for it.
     
  14. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Because, unlike what hollywood says, love isn't enough
     
  15. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Must be.. Well I hope that I have learned enough to be a better person when it comes to relationships.
     
  16. gogo420

    gogo420 New Member

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    just make sure that you remember what youve learned and apply it to your next relationship. as long as you honestly try not to make the same mistakes in your next relationship or in the next go round with this girl if she come back youll be alright. i think it will all work out for the best. good luck man
     

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