what do you do when someone "clicks" with your SO better than the two of you do?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by glass, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2004
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    i mean.. in the general case of course.
     
  2. Placebo

    Placebo New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2005
    Messages:
    4,166
    Likes Received:
    0
    More details son
     
  3. audrey

    audrey New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down Under
    I guess I would think about why my SO is with me :o
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,243
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    sometimes what seems like a "click" is really just a lot of shiny and new
     
  5. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,615
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    In the general case? What does that mean?

    It would make me question my relationship if he had a stronger or better connection with someone else regardless of in what way
     
  6. glass

    glass New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2004
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    i just said "in the general case" coz i didn't want to confine things to a situation.

    i'm thinking along the lines of the "shiney and new" comment.. "click" is pretty much chemistry, and any two people who sit on the same wavelength can click. you still have values to consider, as well as beliefs, experiences, etc..
     
  7. AlohaRacing

    AlohaRacing Freak that bitch out

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2003
    Messages:
    6,013
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Jose
    That "click" she had led to the demise of my last relationship. Looking back, I'm glad it all worked out how it did.
     
  8. glass

    glass New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2004
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    this is the gist of what i'm hoping to get at actually..

    ===

    is there any way to beat the click?

    say you see someone else making your SO laugh better than you can, setting up pins that she knocks down and vice versa. maybe they're not connecting at the deepest levels yet, but by the way they get along on the surface you can see it's hard to discount the possibility that they eventually will.

    how do you deal with that?
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2007
  9. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Messages:
    6,868
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisville
    The point of dating is to find the person that you want to spend time around, isn't it? If I find someone that I 'click' better with and I enjoy more than my SO, I will have to sit and think about where my relationship is going and where a new oune could possibly go. I imagine my SO would do the same, I wouldn't have any bad feelings about it either.
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Absolutely not. People can't control who they click with and who they don't.

    It almost sounds to me like maybe you're in a relationship that is either your first, or has been going on for a long time, and you're just in that "comfort zone" that you don't want to get out of. Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to be ready and willing to give up a relationship if it gets to that point where you're describing.

    Sit down, and do some serious self evaluation, and perhaps even more importantly TALK TO YOUR SO about the issue(s) and see if they can be resolved. But if it isn't meant to be, it just isn't meant to be.
     
  11. xinster

    xinster New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2006
    Messages:
    4,088
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UIUC
    theres an episode with this in like every sitcom
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    You'd need to find out more info from your SO other about how they feel about that person. They may have reasons why they'd never want to date that person. Sometimes people can make great friends but bad partners. I have a guy friend that I get along great with but I'd never want to date him. He's a slut, he's cheated on past partners and he knows how to push my buttons to get on my nerves so we'd end up fighting a lot.
     
  13. glass

    glass New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2004
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    i admit i am kinda new to this.. i was hoping to see how people not so new to it deal with it.

    the problem with talking to the SO about it is it's likely they'll deny it. if she clicks with someone other than me there's a chance she's afraid of it herself.. and is hoping as much as i am that it goes away.

    of course we could say that if the relationship is worth anything, two people should be able to discuss the issue openly. empirically though, it's just not the case. there can be cultural barriers as well as the psychological ones, making openness difficult to achieve sometimes (people who've dated chinese girls might know what i'm talking about). not being able to talk about things doesn't mean the relationship isn't worth saving, but it certainly makes things difficult.

    the best counter i can think of to "the click" is to be as good to her as possible.. show her that there's more to a relationship than chemistry. i'm having a hard time articulating what those things are though, or how to show it consistently.
     
  14. glass

    glass New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2004
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    would you sleep with him?

    (not to be rude.. but more often than not i'd worry about "would my SO sleep with this guy?" than "would my SO date this guy?")
     
  15. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    There is but without chemistry you won't have that great of a relationship.
     
  16. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Not now. I lost my virginity to him 7 years ago and back then I really wanted to date him. I fell for him then and I didn't know as much about relationships when I was younger so I would have dated him then. I got over the attraction awhile ago and now I have no interest in him as anything more than a friend.
     
  17. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    get all emo about it
    let my insecurity fester and eat away at the relationship
    break up over something stupid
     

Share This Page