SRS What do you do when a bf/gf has opposite views on something in life?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by RuskeR, Oct 11, 2005.

  1. RuskeR

    RuskeR ReksuR

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    For example:

    Your with someone that you could possibly see yourself marrying down the road. Everything in the relationship is great, but he/she wants to have kids but you are sure you would rather not. If your against having kids, and are positive your views will never change, what would you do?

    Now what if you eventually wanted to have kids but your partner doesn't, do you cut your loses now rather than stick around to know that eventually the time will come that it would have to end if/when you are ready to have a family?

    My ex fiance and I didn't see eye to eye on this subject, and as you can imagine it caused problems between us. We weren't complete opposites, but didn't agree on when would be a good time to start a family. The relationship ended for other reasons, but it has been something I've always thought about.

    How did some of you handle situations like this? Maybe instead of starting a family, it was a difference in religion. :dunno: Just something I wanted to throw out there and maybe get some semi-serious responces, rather than the usual OT replies. :big grin:
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    It boils down to communication - it's important for each party to understand the other's position. It depends on whether common ground can be found. For less important things, I'm willing to live with a difference in opinion. For more important ones... well, I'm willing to discuss and am open to changing my mind, but putting up with someone's irrational decisions is not really my cup of tea. If the decision was not rationally based I would have a tough time seeing the point in sticking around.

    Usually discussions like these are indicators about whether the relationship will stay strong over the long term and the level of compatibility between the parties involved.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Considering how absolutely huge a decision having children is, that could (possibly should) be a dealbreaker there. There is always the chance that the other person could change their mind, but IMO both parties will probably end up resenting the others no matter which way it goes.

    My husband and I have different views on religion (he's agnostic, I'm pagan) and politics (he's conservative, I'm liberal). We simply don't talk about those things. It's easier to just accept the other person for who they are than to even think about changing it (believe me, we've had our fair share of debates/discussions about the two subjects).
     
  4. RuskeR

    RuskeR ReksuR

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    You must have alot of other things in common if your views are that different. :noes:
     
  5. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :) We're happy and yes we do have other things in comon.
    Religion and politics isn't everything in life ;)
     
  6. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    I would think this comes up all the time... not everyone thinks the same... and if you two were exact copies of each other, most likely you would have a dead relationship.
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    My ex was a stepford wife in the making. She wanted to create a super human by having him/her take piano lessons, riding lessons, enroll him/her in every sport imaginable, learn different languages, etc. It's not why we broke up but it's one reason why we can't get back together. I defintely do not want kids. I think a spouse alone is enough to handle.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    There are core values and non-core values.
    You can be ok with scores of differences, as long as your core values remain complementary and compatible.

    Having children is a key, if not THE key negotiable value in a marriage.
    If you two don't see eye to eye on this point....man, that's really tough.

    Relationships, like other natural systems tend to find an equilibrium. Sounds like yours found it.

    Rocky relationships can be successfully maintained (sometimes for a LONG time) with an appropriate expenditure of energy (time, money, sex, etc.) equivalent to how rocky it is.

    Everyone has seen an example where when one partner gets tired of bending over backwards for the other one....and the relationship falls apart soon afterward.
     
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I never wanted kids with my ex wife. I just knew it was a problem.

    I REALLY want kids with my new GF. In my opinion, someone who does not want kids is really saying they probably don't want kids with YOU.

    I would move on.

    Most other issues should be non-issues if everything is okay and you can be mature about it. No couple is going to agree 100%, it's how you handle it that is important. :)
     
  10. slims

    slims New Member

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    If I cloned myself and took away the Y chromosome I'd be irresistable to me. We'd fall in love forever.
     
  11. slims

    slims New Member

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    So true, my relationship lasted for 13 months because of all the time we spent towards trying to keep it together. I was new to love.. didn't know when to cut my losses.
     

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