what do you do in this situation?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by low20, May 6, 2006.

  1. low20

    low20 Member

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    im 22, my gf is 21 almost 22. Weve been together for 1.5 years now and its been great with very few exceptions. The other day we were with some friends and one couple has been together for like 5-6 years...same age as us. They went out looking at rings the other day, and I know for a fact that hes planning on popping the question in a few months. So my gf says something along the lines of, "i dont want to get married" or "i dont want to get married for 8 years" she said both...anyway, shes said it before I aways assumed she was exagerating, she never has said it real seriously. When we had started going out, she wasnt like that...she said she could see herself being married by like 24 or so...

    anyway, no big deal. the next day i just asked her, if she was serious abut that and she said yes. so now i dont know..i mean, i always panned on bein married before I was like 30, I want to have a kid or two by then, and she was on the same page as me for a while and now i dont know. it jjust kinda ticked me off. i love her to death but i dont kno what i should do. i can either stay with her, and when im ready, talk to her about it and see what she thinks and risk having her say she still doesnt want to, and then break up and start all over again when im 24 or 25, or i can break up with her now and just move on. it would crush me to break up with her cause i love her so much, were best friends, spend a lot of time together, etc and i dont want to break up so it makes it 10x harder...i just dont know what the best thing to do is.

    anyone have some words of wisdom?
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You're young. Slow down and enjoy life. There's no point in rushing into anything especially if your girlfriend is unsure of marriage. Remember that people's opinions change also as they grow older.

    How is your relationship right now? Do you live together? Is it very serious? Why don't you sit down and talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel (I know it's easier said than done). You don't want to 'waste' time with her if the two of you don't want the same things out of life. You have to figure out what is right for the two of you as a couple, and you have to do that together.
     
  3. low20

    low20 Member

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    thanks, i know, and your right...right now the relationship is good....we had been hanging out almost every day but recently (past 2 months) only about -34 times a week...mostly on the weekends...she has a career already and is very busy, so we will usually see eachother for 2 hours about 2 nights a week and then on the weekends for longer. she has her "girl time" as well, she goes out to dance with her friends etc once a week and stuff...i know were young, im just trying to think ahead as well...i obviously dont want to push her into something shes not ready for, thats just stupid, im just trying to understand where shes coming from. 28 is a long ways away and i simply dont want to wait THAT long. im taking a day off from tlking to her just so i can think for myself etc. i guess were really gonna have to talk about this sometime soon.
     
  4. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    yeah you guys are still young. Enjoy life, why tie yourself down early unless it's something that will make BOTH of you very happy?

    The older I get the less I expect to find Ms Right and have 2.3 kids and a house in the suburbs in a few years. And in some ways that's a relief, because I can do my own thing for a while longer :)
     
  5. low20

    low20 Member

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    i know...i guess ive always been the guy wanting to settle down...ive never been the type to go out and hook up with tons of chicks and go crazy...its just not me...i always wanted a companion...someone who i can trust and confide in..i donno...im not trying to rush anything...i just dont want to be wasting time with someone who in 2-3 years is not going to want the same thinga s me...imo, i could just break up with her now and chill out for a while and then worry about it.
     
  6. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    I've always been the same way. But in the last 5-8 years I've gradually gone from "find Ms Right, stat" to "sleep with at least half a dozen girls before settling down".

    I'm only up to 2 :o
     
  7. low20

    low20 Member

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    lol, i know...sometimes i wonder if maybe i should do the same....i dont know..im just sick of all this crap, and all these stupid games...now i tried calling her and she wont pick up..shes prolly pissed that i said i idnt want to talk ysterday so now shes trying to "get me back" its this revenge type of crap that i cant stand...its so immature...im so cose to the edge on this and ive never considerd breaking up with her before.
     
  8. Trina

    Trina New Member

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    First of all, if you have been together that long and she's not even close to wanting to be married yet you have to come to accept the fact that she's just not that into you and it's time to let her go.

    You deserve to find someone who will be totally devoted and happy with you, and even though you may think that your girlfriend is all that to you, from your description it sounds to me that she's not.

    Breaking it off will be rough, and I know people (especially guys) fear being alone, but you are better off alone for a while than with someone and totally miserable and having to second guess yourself every time you turn around.

    Second, my husband and I have been together since we were each 20, we got married a year and 9 months after we started dating, we had lived together for a year and a month before we got married. We're coming up on our 15th wedding anniversary this September. We have had our share of rough patches and always made it thru, and we have two beautiful kids too.

    You will know the right person when you meet her.....good luck in whatever you decide to do.
     
  9. low20

    low20 Member

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    thanks for the advice...i think ur wrong though in the first part because i know shes into me...we had a bad fight a few weeks ago and i said to her in all honesty, do you still want to be in this relationship, cause if you dont, i dont want to continue, and she said, yes she did. she is an EXTREMELY upfront person.. she always speaks her mind (which can be bad) but she always telle m whats up, and I know if she wasnt into me, we would never have goten this far. its just something about her, that i know, and you need to know her to understand, but she would never continue in something if she wasnt happy or didnt like it. also i just found out that her parents are having a rough time and shes taking it very hard and i think that has something to do with it. maybe shes scared and doesnt want that to happen to her. after finding this out, i decided that she needs me right now to be by her side, and that fighting over this would be really bad. for right now, im accepting it as it is, om happy with the relationship and i know that when this clears and when the time comes she will see things differently and if not, then i will leave but now, we do have something special and i dont want to throw that away. her roomate/cousin also pulled me to the side today and filled me in, an dmy gf was really upset about our fight and told her cousin that she really just needed me right now and didnt wantt o fight over marrige and that she didnt want to break up..her cous told me that shes taking thins really hard and just needs the support, so thats what im going to do...we have too good of a history for me to up and leave her when she needs me the most
     
  10. Trina

    Trina New Member

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    Ok, well that's good that you got some confirmation and thanks for sharing the part about her parents, that could explain a lot as to why she's not in the marrying mind right now too.

    :)
     
  11. low20

    low20 Member

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    yeah, explained a lot to me too, i feel bad now, but it happens.
     

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