SRS What can I do for my bro-in-law? He doesnt want to live anymore.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JakobwithaK, May 28, 2007.

  1. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    Ok first off, this is very hard for me to talk about, let alone tell strangers about it. But its basically a plead for help. That is how much I want to help my bro in law, to make this kind of thread. Second, this is a long long story, that has carried over for 4 or 5 months now. I will try to make it short as I can so you guys are not left with an endless novel.

    I just got home from spending the afternoon with him talking to him and trying to make him feel better, and I tell you coming from someone like myself who suffers from emotional depression myself...every time I see him, the more I worry about him, the more depressing it is to see the emotional and mental state that he is in. He is an absolute wreck right now :( He is getting worse and worse.

    My sister is 29 and her hubby is 32). I also have three sisters who are all married and all around the same age range - so he definitely has tons of support from his family and ours. The things he said today really got to me - he basically said he wished he wasnt alive, he wished he was in heaven. Seeing my sister cry, makes me cry, seeing anyone of my family members cry, I cry. He wishes when he was in the hospital, that he never lived because of what hes goin through right now.

    4 months ago, out of nowhere he almost died - he woke up, went out with his mom as planned in the day and his body temp just all of a sudden just spiked and he got all dizzy, he was seeing things, etc. His mom took him to the clinic, in which when he took his temperature, the DR immediately told him to go to the hospital - so they did. He knew something was wrong, very wrong. Apparently his body temp. was only about 5 degrees from dying from shock.

    So his mother brings him to emergency and next thing you know he was in there for about a week. Thats how long it took just to get his body temp. down and everything back to moderate levels. THis was also when DRs were finally able to diagnose what the cause was, and it is a disease that is one of the rarest in human kind. I cant even spell it or pronounce it properly, but 1 in 500,000 people have it, that is how rare it is.

    What this did was caused his brain to swell that day, to the point where it almost shut down - he was very close to dying. Now, he is left with brain damage and memory loss. Its not severe memory loss, as he was working with specialists in the hospital to regain his memory (and has made progress), but he is definitely not the person 4 months ago and that makes everyone sad :(

    So after the first 10 days, he ended up getting transfered to another hospital who specializes in rare disorders like this and have physchologists/specialists to work one on one with him specifically on stuff like this. He ended up spending 2 months total in both hospitals. During that time, he was doing daily testing and working with specialists to help gain his memory back.

    Family and I would visit him on a weekly basis, sometimes more. He seemed upbeat and positive about things. Everytime I would see him, I would give him words of encouragement that he will eventually get his memory back. Its a working progress but everything in life is. He just has to stay positive. He is a bright man, and he can overcome this, I know he can, we all know he can. He knows he can, but his emotions are just too overwhelming for him to handle right now.

    Since he got out 2 months ago, that is where things have gone completely downhill. Hes still been going on a weekly basis to see the specialists, and also seeing another highly regarded phyciatrist on the side. But since getting out, about 3 weeks after he got out, he had a panick attack. It came with him and my sister were home on a fri night and all of a sudden he could not breathe. He had to be rushed in an ambulance and was out of the hospital the next day.

    He basically cannot sleep right now, and ever since day one. We are not 100% sure on this, but he has a good feeling that the part of the brain where he has permanent damage is the part that allows your body to shutdown (sleep). And no matter what he does, what he is pescribed by his DR, he simply cannot sleep. He has not slept for 2 months! He is always tired, and obviously lack of sleep results in more stress and anxiety and more depression. He knows once he gets to sleep normally, everything will start to return back to normal. But the problem is, how? He is feeling hopeless right now, he truly believes that the DRs have no solution to overcoming this. And to be honest with you, this is what scares me, because of the 11 years Ive known him - I have never ever seen him in this emotional wreck ever.

    He even said today that he sees no improvement in him, no future in him, he just wants to die. His willingness to see anymore DRs is dropping and dropping by the day. I told him that he needs to get on anti-depressants. Which one that will be is up to the DR. But the first step is believing in the DRs that he can help you overcome this. He has absolutely no faith in anything right now. From 2 months ago till today, this guy has taken a complete 180.

    So I need to know what I can do for him right now. Ive said everything I possibly could to him (everyone in the family has). But its so hard for me to see him like this. Hes also coming over for dinner in a bit here, so I have a couple more hours to spend with him. I just dont know what to do. I cant bare to see him like this. This is a guy who has always been one of the most positive, motivated, spirited people ive known in my life. His dream was always to fly a plane - he is crazy about planes. He got his pilot license a year ago, graduated from flying school before that, and was just about to become a professional full time pilot for a major airlines. And now this happens....chances of him ever flying a plane again are zero :( He might not even be able to work again!

    He is here now so I have to cut things short as Im going to keep him company and I will be back in a bit.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2007
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Ok, normally i would raise a red flag, but in this case it ought to be purple and all the alarmbells going off.

    You are to immediatly find out who his neurological surgeon is. And tell him that your brother in law is going downhill fast, tell him that the brain damage he has suffered has send him into a neurological trauma and deep depression caused by the major swelling of his brain and he immediatly needs neurological and psychological help and assistance, if the dr. in question refuses to give this help, step to another doctor who will, absolutely do not take no for an answer, scream if you have to.

    Your brother in law needs (special) theraphy, this isn't your 'ordinairy' depression , this is a brain damage depression, its not something an ordinairy psychiater can resolve, you will at least need a

    -neurological expert.
    -a rare disease expert.
    -a therapeutic counceller.
    -Along with theraphy treatment.

    A neurological medical professor can order/demand these things for his patient, that's why i highly urge you to consult a higher up, under the argument that he has a rare disease, that he needs medical assistance, and that he still is suffering from his brain disease, and that you are afraid that he might jump off a bridge if he doesn't get immediate medical assistance.

    So the best bet i recon is that you visit his neurological surgeon. Again don't take no for an answer, ask for a consult.
     
  3. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    Thanks for the advice.

    Well he and my sister just left, we watched a movie together after dinner and has some talk - he seems to feel a bit more positive about things. I told him that I do not want to hear him talk like that again (when he says he wishes he was in heaven). I told him I just wont allow it. He is very fortunate he survived the 2 months in hospital, god blessed him with that oppurtunity to live on and he has to make the most of it for his recovery. He is so lucky he lived it, he was in very serious condition and easily could have passed away at any stage of that time in the hospital.

    He has a good DR, the one he got was one recommended by my other sister who works in the medical field. So theres no question whether hes good, right for him, or not. Its just the matter of him WILLING to keep a positive attitude in going about his recovery process. And its incredibly hard to do when he pretty much cant do anything - he cant work, cant excersize, cant drive, cant sleep. I couldnt imagine what he is going through. And as difficult as it is, he must get his mind away from it. The more he thinks about it, it just creates more anxiety and stress and depression.

    I think today especailly was just a really bad day for him. He knows, I know, everyone in the family knows the worst is behind him and things will only get better.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Im worried when you say
    Your basically telling him to STFU about his problems, not quite exactly but very nearly. If you ask me (im being honest here) you succeeded in making his mouth go shut, but his problems will definitly have not dissapeared this way. Basically he has problems, which you disallowed him to talk about now. So unconsiously (not blaming you) i think you contributed to him having an especially bad day,while in fact you tried to do something good for him.

    The last thing he needs to do is to shut up about his problems, its the other way around , convince him to see a counceller that will help him with his problems.

    You know it just shows how 'twisted' your view on this whole issue is, again im being totally honest when you say "He is so lucky he lived it" is he?

    I mean its like when a horrible car accident occurs,the car is totally ruined its a wreck, but its still able to move forward saying something like 'its wonderfull that the car is still moving'

    Let me tell you something, when someone gets cancer, and gets radiation treatment, the chances of surviving longer due to the treatment are absolutely higher then off without. But if you look at the 'quality' of the life that these people have 'not being able to do anything ,other then suffer and maby die later' then this factor of 'luck' as you describe it, is really questionable.

    I mean you state it yourself ' he cant work, cant excersize, cant drive, cant sleep. I couldnt imagine what he is going through.' , i certainly don't define that as luck, aight its unbelievable he survived, and also' ' he must get his mind away from it' , how, how on earth is that going to be possible if the damage if physically permanently inflicted on his mind. I don't mind good words in order to stimulate recovery, but let's stay a little bit realistically here.

    I am VERY worried about this man. He needs help from the outside in order to convince him to give a positive swing to his life. And im still unsure if he's getting the right psychological/councelling along with medical/neurological treatment. Seeing how he is still going downhill i have all the reason to believe he's not receiving what he is supposed to be receiving.

    Im really into it that you people keep on giving him moral and support, you guys just need to be very carefull about what you say to him, and give him the correct support and oppertunity to talk and receive the delicate means to recover from this life altering event that he has been going thru.
     

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